I own nothing and am not quitting.

Ring, ring.

"Hello?"

"HI."

"I don't want to talk."

"And your point is…"

"Go to hell."

Hangs up.

Jake Well that was short.

And now for:

The Mind of Edward Cullen: Episode I, in the living room.

Okay, just stare at the book. They'll just think your reading. Because 'I'm the smart one'. Not really. I just choose to keep my comments to myself. MWHAHAHA. Evil laughter. XP

What is that dog doing? Hummmmmm… I wonder if Edward is reading my mind now… F*&%^ YOU EDWARD!!!! Not really. DON'T KILL ME!!!!! What would happen if I DID kill Jacob. Would Nessie kill me? Well, since I'm already dead, she can't technically kill me. I wonder if Jacob would protect himself.

What color do dogs bleed? Is their blood red like humans, or a different color? I COULD find out really easily, but then I couldn't go inside the house. I bet their blood is green. With purple polka dots. Yeah, that's it. They look like they would have purple polka dots in their blood. The weirdos. Would the purple polka dots be like human's red blood cells, or white blood cells? Or BACTERIA. Yeah. Germs. Cool.

Ummmm… I want the ham sandwich. Emmett, seriously? Look at all that cold cut goodness. On wheat bread? EW!!! What the hell is her problem? No comment there.

I wonder if Rosalie is thinking anything good. OMG!!!! SHOES!!!!! Yes, Edward, shoes. Don't look at me like that, little mister. I can be very… OOOOOOO shiny. IT MOVES!!!! What is it? Edward!!!! Stop pointing the little laser thingy at the wall. It's not amusing anymore. Must resist power too… HA!!! There it is again!!!! STOP MOVING DAMMIT!! I will catch you, laser light. AHHHH!!!!!

Okay, that was amusing for a moment. Now, I'm bored again. Jasper, anything to say? Around, all around, the shadows gather. My dread grows as the Dark One's touch falls against my head. It mutilates me, and darkly my essence drips to the swirling dust. In a frenzy I flee while the Reaper looms over me. Now alone, my soul, falls upon cold eyes. My head sings 'Do not fear' while the stone inside myself slowly devours itself until all that is left is. Black

So depressed. Must… MWHAHAHA I FEEL EVIL!!!! Damn you Jasper.

Okay, so now Jasper has made everyone in the room depressed. Awesome. Wait. What would happen if Daisy Duck was on some bachelorette show? It would be down to Daffy and Donald Duck and when Daisy chose Donald, Daffy would accuse her of being raceist. "IT'S BECAUSE I'M BLACK ISN'T IT?" He would say. Haha. Hilarious.

So, I'm a fictional character, right? So, then can I really think? Or are all our thoughts just the thoughts of an author somewhere being bored typing things? HAY!!! What if life is one giant Sims game and some fat nerd in plastic glasses is laughing evilly in his ratty Van Halen t-shirt because he made some guys wife cheat on him. HAY!!!! That nerds, like, Satan. Satan is a nerd in a ratty Van Halen t-shirt who's mother's voice is really scratchy like claws on a window. I bet Satan hates his mother. Mother-hater. Who hate's his mother? Satan- that's who. Burn in hell, Satan. Wait—

Did you know that the Ancient Egyptians had a god of marijuana? Did you know that Ancient Mayan kings and queens had to make blood sacrifices from their… uhh… happy places? Did you know that homosexuality was encouraged in the Spartan army? Did you know it was illegal for woman to show their ankles in some country, but not their breasts? There's your special group of informational trivia for today. This is what Rock'n'Slash learned in her world history class.

I ran out of things to think of. Damn. I like thinking. What do I want to think about? Ummmmmm…

Does everyone see the same colors? Like when I look at red, and you look at red, do you see the same red I see? Does your red look more like blue but we can't tell the difference because your parents taught you that that color is in red and not blue? How will we ever know? Maybe, everyone has the same favorite color, we just think it's different colors because we have told that it is different colors? What if a new color is discovered that isn't even in the color wheel? How will we know if it's a new color?

Why do humans feel the need to get out of the rain? Why do they not want to get wet? Rain doesn't hurt them…

You see, you have a few things to ponder now. Tell me if you have an answer to any of them.