Naruto – Coupons

Summary: For Christmas, Naruto got coupons for ramen. For Christmas, Sasuke got coupons for sex. In all honesty, it was a win-win deal.

Warnings: SasuxNaru, lemon

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine.

AN: Read and review please!



Sasuke's eye twitched as he leaned back on the couch, watching the blond execute ANBU perfected cartwheels around the apartment's living room.

Really, Sasuke thought, I know the idiot loves ramen, but…

This is really a bit much…

"Three coupons for free ramen at Ichiraku's Amazing Ramen Bar!!" Naruto said, his voice ecstatically high, holding out the three flaps of paper in front of him as though he'd just won the lottery – which, from his point of view, perhaps he had. "My life is complete…"

He froze, clutched the coupons to his chest, and then fell backwards onto the couch next to Sasuke, sighing most contentedly.

"Finished yet?" Sasuke drawled, arching an eyebrow condescendingly.

At that, Naruto jumped up from the couch.

"Hold on, I gotta give you your present!!" he exclaimed, running into his room. A few seconds later, he ran back out before thrusting something – Sasuke couldn't tell what; it was so colorful and Naruto was moving so erratically fast – into Sasuke's face. Or, at least, Sasuke thought Naruto was trying to thrust it at his face; anyone else would think the blond was trying to shove it up the Uchiha's nose.

Moving back to focus his eyes, Sasuke frowned at the colorful paper in front of him.

"What is it…?" he asked suspiciously. One could never tell with Naruto.

"Coupons!" Naruto replied happily. "Sorta like the ones you gave me, except I made those, and they're sorta for something else. I thought about getting you coupons for that one sushi place you like, but then I thought that if I got you coupons for sushi, we'd end up actually using them, and that'd mean we'd be not going to Ichiraku's, and I'd rather eat ramen than your yucky raw fish any day, so I decided not to get you those."

Sasuke looked down at the paper in his hands.

"I made them myself!" Naruto said happily, as he plopped himself down on the floor next to Sasuke's legs.

And indeed he did. Cut creatively (or perhaps not so creatively; maybe it was just messy) from colorful, holiday themed construction paper, and decorated with mistletoe and reindeer stickers, the three coupons were most definitely homemade.

There was even an attempt at a Christmas tree at each corner of the three slips.

And there, in the middle of each slip, written in hardly legible Japanese characters, read…

"Free sex," Sasuke said, not quite believing the words he read. "Each coupon is valid for one free coupling of sexual intercourse. Form of sexual coupling is decided by the user of the coupon. Coupon may be used at any time and at any place, but may only be used with one (or more than one) Uzumaki Naruto. Coupon is for one use only. Expiration date: Christmas of next year."

"I had Sakura-chan help me a lot with the words. I can't write anything as official-looking as that. But I came up with most of the ideas!" Naruto said proudly. "Sakura-chan was only gonna put down one Uzumaki Naruto, but I realized with the Kage Bunshin, you could probably do it with more me's than just one!"

Sasuke looked up at Naruto, still not quite sure what to think. "Sex is non-refundable…"

At this, the blond blushed embarrassedly. "Well, you know, just to be sure you… didn't… try to return the sex… or something…"

"How does anyone return sex?"

"Look, I don't know!! It was—just to be sure!! Sorta…!!!"

"And what do I need this for, anyway?" Sasuke asked, looking back down at the slips of paper. "I already get free sex from you. This isn't gonna make a difference."

"Yeah, but now it's sort of official! You know, so that now I can't say anything like, 'I gave you sex, now you have to replace my couch or something like that!"

Naruto got up from the floor and crawled onto Sasuke's lap, straddling him.

"Don't you like it?" the blond asked, looking a little put out.

Sasuke softened a bit at the pouting face. He leaned forward and nuzzled Naruto's neck.

"It's," he smirked, "unique. Definitely unique."

"In a good way, or a bad way?" Naruto asked, putting his hands on Sasuke's shoulders and gripping them tightly. He clenched his legs around Sasuke's thighs.

The Uchiha chuckled. "Well, it depends how good the sex is, doesn't it? I wouldn't care to use the coupon if the sex wasn't worth it, right?"

"You bastard, of course it's worth it," Naruto growled as Sasuke nipped his neck. At a particularly painful nibble, he pinched Sasuke's shoulders and rocked on his perch, teasingly rubbing against Sasuke's black boxers. "If it wasn't, you wouldn't keep coming back all those other times."

"Hm," Sasuke said in mock skepticism. "It might just be the fact that everyone else is just horrible at it, and you're just not as horrible…"

"Liar," Naruto said, rolling his eyes. Then he clapped Sasuke's shoulder with a hand. "Come on, Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan are coming over today. I need to make sure none of my boxers are out, like last time."

He made to get up when two hands clasped Naruto's hips, firmly keeping him in place.

"Sasuke," Naruto began to protest when one of Sasuke's hands left and a colorful coupon was suddenly waving mockingly in front of the blond's face. Behind it was Sasuke's very smug smirk.

"What, now?!" Naruto exclaimed in surprised. He wiggled in protest. "But Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan are coming soon!"

"They won't be coming until after we do," Sasuke said as he leaned forward to get back to Naruto's neck.

"You bastard," Naruto growled exasperatedly.

He pushed at Sasuke's shoulders until the Uchiha's back slammed against the back of the couch. Then Naruto's lips were crushed against Sasuke's, sliding smoothly against the silky mouth, reveling in its molten hot temperature. The blond snaked his hands under Sasuke's dark blue t-shirt and slowly slid up the Uchiha's pale chest, mapping the soft though well toned muscles and teasingly grazing the nipples. Sasuke slipped a hand up a pant leg of Naruto's – orange – boxers, gliding up the tan thigh and then clenching a firm cheek possessively while the other kept a strong grip on Naruto's hip, using his thumb to rub circles on the skin under the blond's black t-shirt.

Naruto slipped his tongue out to give a long beseeching lick to Sasuke's lower lip, nibbling it gently, coaxing the gates to open. He felt Sasuke smirk against his lips before the gates opened and, without wasting a second, Naruto delved into the well, using his tongue to explore the slick walls and straight teeth. Sasuke's tongue found his, and the two battled for dominance, twisting and slithering against each other.

Sasuke half groaned, half growled and, removing his hands from Naruto's ass and hip, pushed the blond away and began tugging at the blond's shirt.

"Off," he demanded, his voice husky with lust.

Naruto lifted his arms without argument and, once his shirt was past his head, copied Sasuke and removed the dark blue shirt. Then he put his mouth back to work, leaning down to lick and nip and suckle Sasuke's neck. As he felt Sasuke's hands return to his ass and hip, he slid his own hand down the sculptured chest. Reaching the edge of Sasuke's boxers, Naruto rested his hands lightly on the Uchiha's hips and proceeded to grinding his stiff organ against Sasuke's, groaning with abandon as he relished in Sasuke's heavy panting, knowing without looking that the Uchiha's jaw was clenched in an attempt to maintain control.

Grinning smugly at the affect he had on the usually stoic Uchiha, Naruto gave him a languid and long kiss to the lips before sliding himself down, nudging open Sasuke's legs to fit himself comfortably between them. His grin widened when he heard Sasuke's panting go faster in anticipation. Looking up, the blond locked his lust darkened blue eyes to Sasuke's half closed ink black ones. That blush on the Uchiha's cheeks was more erotic than it should have been. Then he dropped his gaze, focusing his attention to the tent in the black boxers in front of him.

Closing his eyes, Naruto leaned forward and nuzzled the clothed erection bringing his hand up to softly caress and massage the balls under the fabric. Sasuke let out a most tortured groan and bucked at Naruto in a moment's loss of control.

Naruto lifted his face and then used his deft fingers to gently pull open the folds of the front of the boxers and carefully take out the straining penis, the tip already leaking copious amounts of precum. Licking his lips, the blond then stationed his hands to Sasuke's hips, holding them firmly, and leaned back down.

Growing mischievous, Naruto stopped short and, instead of taking the swollen cock in his mouth, darted his tongue out to lightly graze the wet head.

"Ugh," Sasuke groaned, jumping slightly at the sudden contact and loss of it.

His eyes slitting evilly, Naruto loosed his tongue again, only to pull it back with the slightest taste of Sasuke. He continued, until all the precum was slowly but steadily lapped up and Sasuke was a writhing mess under his hands, straining against Naruto's grip to buck into the blond's mouth.

Not ready to finish with his torture, Naruto leaned forward a bit more, shaping his lips into a small 'o', and dipped down until he had Sasuke's head inside his hot mouth before pulling back swiftly. He did it again, this time adding a small swirl of his tongue around the head.

It went on until Sasuke was cursing his existence, hands clenched around the sofa seat cushion, head thrown back against the back of the sofa, bare chest gleaning with sweat and rising and falling erratically.

Then, without warning, Naruto attacked, taking all of Sasuke into his hot mouth.

"SHIT!" Sasuke yelled, his hips escaping from their prison and bucking wildly into Naruto's molten opening, his hands coming up to bury themselves in the blond's hair as Naruto bobbed his head up and down the hard shaft.

Naruto moaned deeply, moving his hand down to take his neglected erection from the folds of his boxers, and began pumping it in time to his own bobbing head, running his thumb through the slit and smearing his precum over his cock.

It was the most stimulating picture Sasuke could ever imagine, looking down with the glazed black eyes, watching himself disappear into Naruto's mouth again and again and again, the blond's cheeks concave from sucking his burning cock, the muffled moans sending mind-numbing vibrations down his stiff penis. Sasuke rode wave after wave of pleasure, his hips straining to meet Naruto at each buck.

"Oh fuck," he swore, throwing his head back to drown in the suffocating sensations. Before he lost his mind, however, he lifted his head back up and pulled Naruto from his cock.

"Where's the lube?" Sasuke demanded huskily.

Half dazed, Naruto quickly scrambled to his room without answering, hand still pumping himself. In absolutely no time at all, Naruto was back, tube in one hand, his own hard on in his other, forgetting the entire purpose of the lube and back to worshipping Sasuke's stiff erection with his tongue.

"You dobe," Sasuke growled, once again pulling Naruto's head up. "I don't want that, I want you!"

Naruto whined, reluctantly moving away from Sasuke's organ to push himself up. He almost wildly took his orange boxers off, throwing them blindly away, and helped Sasuke remove his own black boxers. Unable to restrain himself, Naruto quickly discarded the black garments and lunged back into straddling Sasuke's lap, grinding himself into Sasuke.

Sasuke threw his head back again, holding tightly onto Naruto's bare ass and gasping and groaning each time the blond rubbed his cock against Sasuke's, losing himself in the hot flashes that blinded him behind his closed eyes.

Taking the lube from Naruto's hand, he pushed Naruto away a couple inches.

"Wait a sec," he panted. He quickly slathered his penis and then shoved Naruto onto the couch, turning his body so that Naruto was on his back, head resting against the arm of the couch, and Sasuke was now looming over him.

Naruto was dieing, he was certain of it. He watched as Sasuke came down on him to take a pebbled nipple in his hot mouth and torture the living daylights out of him, all the while reaching a hand down to his eager opening.

Naruto let out a strangled cry when Sasuke gave his nipple a particularly hard bite and slid a finger into him. Spreading his legs further open, Naruto lifted his hips to meet Sasuke's finger, breathlessly demanding more. As the first finger was joined by another, and then a third, Naruto was bucking and wiggling to meet every thrust and twist of the digits, digging his swollen cock into Sasuke's chest.

Finally, unable to hold it off any longer, Sasuke removed his fingers from the hot hole and lifted Naruto's tan legs over his pale shoulders. Leaning forward, he gave Naruto a last kiss before he positioned himself.

Sasuke gave a few shallow thrusts, dipping only the head of his swollen cock into Naruto's searing hotness. Then he braced himself, holding onto Naruto's legs, and gave his hips a big buck.

Naruto's head came off the cushioned arm of the couch as he let out a startled yell of ecstasy, his hands grasping wildly for an anchor as he was thrown blindly into a world of paralyzing sensations, feeling Sasuke's solid organ penetrate him deeply, fill him up, burying itself in him so slick with lube. He lost himself in the friction as Sasuke pulled back to ram into him again and again and again and again, feeling the pressure building up in his gut with each thrust. He could feel his body jolting against the fabric of the couch each time Sasuke slammed into him, finding a rhythm and building on it, could hear Sasuke's balls slapping wetly against him.

Sasuke shifted slightly, and then knew he had found it, found Naruto's sweet spot hidden deep inside him, when Naruto cries were suddenly cut short with some strangled gasping and cursing. Looking down, Sasuke could see Naruto's angry red erection, bobbing up and down and slapping the blond's belly in time to Sasuke's drive. Dazedly amused by it, Sasuke decided to speed up, watching with unreasonable interest as Naruto's hard penis sped up with him and the slapping grew even faster. Sasuke removed a hand from Naruto's leg and reached down to grasp the cock and pump it, throwing his head back with a groan and moving even faster.

Naruto could scarcely breath for the life of him, barely able to anchor himself to the couch as Sasuke went faster and faster. He stared blindly up at the ceiling, and then his mouth was open in a silent scream as he came, drowning in a wave of indescribable pleasure, his abdomen clenching rhythmically.

Sasuke could hardly hold it back when he felt Naruto body tighten around him, taking his cock and squeezing the life out of him. He came with a half groan, half yell, feeling himself explode into Naruto, twitching with each spurt of seed, still thrusting with abandon. When Naruto had milked his cock of all the semen, Sasuke's breathing slowed down, and after giving a few more half-hearted thrusts, he took his limp penis out of Naruto and fell to sit on the floor, leaning back against the couch by Naruto's head.

"Good enough for you to come back and use the rest of those coupons?" Naruto asked when he finally got his breath back, lethargically turning his body to the side to grin smugly at the Uchiha.

"I'll consider it," Sasuke said aloofly, though the effect was lost when he shifted his head to kiss Naruto softly but firmly on the lips. He could still taste a bit of himself on Naruto's tongue.

"Bastard," Naruto said without feeling. He took a deep breath and sat up. "Come on, Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan will be here any minute now. We have to clean up the couch before they get here."

Sasuke glanced at the couch with smug look of his own.

"Bet you wish you could ask me for a new couch now."


Outside the apartment door, Hatake Kakashi and Haruno Sakura stood in awkward silence.

Sakura's face was flushed and there was a telltale trail of blood dripping from her nose. Coughing shortly, she lifted a red gloved hand up to her nose. Thank goodness for holiday colors.

Kakashi cleared his throat and Sakura darted her eyes to him, noting that whatever pale skin he showed on his face was even paler than usual. Neither of them could look each other in the eye.

"I forgot," Kakashi said suddenly in falsely light voice. "I need to get Naruto a present."

"What?" Sakura asked, finally meeting his eyes in confusion. "But, isn't that it right there in your hands?"

She barely stifled a gasp when one of the small, colorfully wrapped boxes in her sensei's hands was suddenly crushed into indefinable bits.

"It broke," Kakashi said flatly. "I'd better get a new one."

Without another word, he turned around, hands in his pocket, and strolled, a bit faster than usual, down the hall, heading for the stairs.

Sakura watched him in surprised silence. Then she looked at the small pile of boxes in her hands. She looked back up at Kakashi's shrinking back.

"Wait, Kakashi-sensei!" she called. She carelessly shoved a random box down the waste bin next to Naruto's door. "I think I forgot Sasuke's present at home!"