A/N: this is a side story to 'Mutation', I'm working on the new chapters for it and I just really wanted something from Elizabeth's point of view. If you haven't read 'Mutation', it might be a good idea to read it before when you this. Thank you.
I'm not sure if you can hear me, cause people keep saying you are all the way up in heaven but I'm not sure I believe in that. You never talked about it before and Daddy said you didn't believe in it, but he won't really explain it to me why yet, says maybe when I'm older.
But I still wanna talk to you, even if you can't hear me.
It's really hard without you Mommy, people said that you are in a better place now, but you use to say that there was no better place than right here with me and Daddy. So that has to be a lie right? You wouldn't think that any place was better than right here.
I miss you so much Mommy, everyone keeps telling me how sorry they are and that I'll get over it one day, but I don't want to. Because that means that it was okay that you died and it wasn't. You are my Mommy and you are suppose to be here for when I become that crazy teenager Daddy always says I'm gonna turn into. You are suppose to be here for when I'm all grow up and being President or an ultra famous ballerina.
You weren't suppose to leave me alone while I'm so little still.
I know it wasn't your fault, but maybe it was mine. Or Daddy's, or your boss', or whoever was driving the other car, or maybe the doctors who didn't get there soon enough. It has to be someone's fault, because if it isn't, if it was just an accident like I heard people say it was, it isn't fair. You never did anything bad that would cause you to die. I want you back; can you come back, please? For me?
I promise to be the bestest daughter ever.
Everyone is so weird to me now, at school all my friends try not to talk about their Mommy's because they think it will make me sad, and it does. But I don't tell them. I don't tell anybody much.
Well maybe except Miss Sophia, she's my shrink. Daddy told me that it would be good for me to talk to someone and it does, sometimes. But I still think all this would be so much easier if you were still here. All of this wouldn't be going on if you were still here.
Mommy, I know you never liked it when I cried, but I can't help it.
I'm starting ballet again, Sarah and Noah are gonna do it with me, and Daddy promised to be there for every performance.
I think he wants to make up for you not being here.
Mommy are you sure you really can't come back? It would make me so happy; it would make Daddy so happy. He is so sad all the time.
He tries not to let me see it, but it's there in his eyes just like on mine.
I think he can't look at me for long cause I look like you; I use to like it that we look alike, but I'm not sure about it anymore. He said he wouldn't change how I look for anything though.
I'm still too little to understand a lot of what goes on with Daddy, and I try really hard to be brave, it's hard.
I'm so tired Mommy, I don't sleep well all the time. I wake up a lot and start looking through pictures and then I can't sleep.
I feel asleep in class yesterday, Mr. Wickher caught me but he promised that he wouldn't call Daddy unless I did it again. I don't really wanna get in trouble.
Is all this going to be better one day Mommy? Is it going to okay that you aren't here with me, tucking me in and reading me a story?
Am I ever going to be able to tell people that my Mommy died? That one day I came home from school and someone knocked on the door and my Daddy broke down? That for the second time in my life he cried?
I'm just a little girl, but I've already lost a baby sister and my Mommy and I don't think I can lose Daddy too. I couldn't have lost you.
I love you Mommy, if you are in heaven and Lydia is with you please tell her that I love her too. That maybe all of this would have been easier if she was still here with me.
Because there would be someone here who knew exactly what it felt like to lose you, because Daddy misses you too, but it's different. I don't understand how, but I know it's different cause he loved you in a different way than I do.
But Lydia would have know exactly how it feels for me. But she would have been so little, and maybe it would have been even harder for her. I don't know.
Thank you for listening.
So what do you think?