Fan Tong Dao (ANOTHER FIC)
My plan is perfect! These idiots are so gullible, they get so moved just from seeing a person tear; it's so amusing. I set my plan perfectly, I would wait for Ling to come out, and then approach crying. Then tell about how he was right and that my whole life is messed up and that sort of thing. And I did just as that.
He had a brown bag in his hand, but couldn't figure out how to carry it to his house while riding a motorcycle. I walked up crying, looking so very sad after finding out the painful true. When he saw me, he blinked, wondering to himself if he was really seeing me, who was still supposed to be at that sanatorium he sent me to the last time. I continue crying and looking down, not responding. He drops his bag on the seat of the bike and walked to me, still staring in wonder. He has really become one of them. "Hey," He said, as if trying to wake me up from sleep only softer. "Hey, what? What're you crying about?"
I sniffled, "I'm really done for." He looked around, checking if this is really happening, I continued in a sad, sad voice, "I'm a useless person who's afraid to admit it." This is easy, I know so well how their minds work and how they tick, yet no one can ever understand me. I took a deep breath, like I was out of oxygen from crying so much, "I'm a person who can only be jealous of other people's existence…" I paused, and then cried out, "But I always ignore my own faults…" I uneven my breathing, "It's only because no one in this world even cares I exist." I made my shoulders shake and continued to sniffle.
And finally, he ticked, "Let's talk somewhere else," I kept my head low as he grabbed my arm and pulled me to a dark alley where no one was. What a perfect scene for his death, no one would notice him here.
I followed him fluently, already tasting the idea deliciously of killing this crazy man, who had chosen the lies of others over the truth from me. I was enjoying the very near future so much; I didn't look where I was going. He tapped my arm to stop me, I was careful to keep my head low still.
He dug his hands into the pockets of his red with white strips jacket, "So what's really wrong with you?" He asked frustrated.
I sniffled and took more uneven breaths, "I'm getting scared…" He kept staring at me in disbelief, and I started to wonder if maybe his reasonable side is really fully gone, but that doesn't matter, because the damn Qiluo will just take him away from me again. "…scared of being alone…" I took another uneven breath, "…and scared of loneliness…" Every time I act like this, I feel like I'm really feeling scared of loneliness, of being unneeded by others, like I don't exist… I cried, "Before, I would never feel this… why do I feel like this now…?" I cried more and sniffled, "I'm really scared of being alone…!" Finally I looked up, then my chance will come, "Ling! What should I do?" The disbelief on his face lessen and empathy took its place. I knew he would react like this because we used to think so similarly. "Am I really beyond help?" I looked down and cried a lot more, because, not of sadness, but of anticipation for the kill. It was making me so giddy inside; I can't hold it in much longer…
I didn't have to hold it in much longer though, because Ling finally believed my lies and took a step toward me, "It's OK…" he wrapped his arm and patted me on my back, "It's OK, it's OK…"
And I couldn't hold it in anymore, an anxious smile danced on my lips. I took out my butterfly knife, and…
Though I've been waiting to kill him this whole time, the reason I came and went through this whole act, I couldn't help but want to pause first, to burn every single detail of this happening in my mind—where I was, everything that around me, Ling's careless mistake, and most importantly, how I was feeling…
Then I stabbed him hard and deep, he grip my back as he felt this pain, there was a groan when I did this. I was relieved I don't have to act anymore, it was bottling me up to no end, I can't go on very long without expressing what's in my mind.
Then he let go of his grip on me, and looked down to where this painful sting was coming from, I kept my grip on my knife, he looked up at me betrayed. I scoffed inwardly, he should've seen this coming, or was his vow to protect him and Qiluo a lie? I pulled the knife out of his stomach and stared gleefully at him. This was satisfying me to no end. I started giggling.
Ling was gasping for air and glaring menacingly at me, as if 'how dare you do this to me? do you know who I am?'. "W-why…?!" This is such pleasure! Watching him, my anticipation for the first stab was none compared to the one for the second. I let out a booming laugh.
I try to control my breathing, and when it was easy enough to talk, "Serves you right!" I became more serious, because now, I was explaining to him the reason for everything around us. Why we humans act like such…animals? "Who told you to look down on me? Stop pretending you can understand me," Ling struggled under his wound. I was anxious to deliver the second, "Right now, all you have is brute strength; you don't have anything else besides that and especially not the right to lecture me!" I walked forward and swung my knife around, he stumbled backwards, barely dodging my attacks. Then he hit a pole and let himself sink down to a sitting position. "Ha…ha-ha…hahahaha…" I laughed. Then I stabbed the knife at the wall next to his head. My whole body was around him, he can't get anywhere, not with that bleeding stab in his vital point. This is SOO fun!! I'm having such a pleasure!! I still feel my body getting giddy and hyper, I wanted to slice him up real bad, but I wanted Qiluo to see the expression on his face right before he dies.
I kneeled down so I can talk to him face to face, "How's it feel" How does it feel to be dying? Where's all your bravado now? Why is it all gone at a moment like this?" I squat there, waiting for his slow death to come, truthfully it's really boring. I thought about it, "It's so funny… such a weak, scorned person like me can actually control human life." I paused, "A shame it's impossible for you to understand how happy I am at this moment of your death." I explained more, because this is the first time I dealt with killing someone so slowly and torturously, "No matter how strong the person is, they're still so pathetic when facing death. Do you know how great this feels?" I looked at him, straight in the eyes.
He stared back, as strongly as he can manage at a state of death, but still so weak. Mentally, I'm much stronger than him. Then he started laughing, I stared at him strangely, "How can you fucking laugh? Your head broken? Why aren't you begging for mercy, just like that pathetic Zheng Qing Mu?" My giddiness disappeared, and felt dumbfounded.
I gasped to breath, and let out, "S-So I was right…this is all you're capable of…" I frowned, how dare he say that at his time of death, but I let him continue, "You're not only hysterical…but you're also forcing your own hand…" He gasped for more air, "You want everything…but you end up with nothing…" My breathing became unsteady in the real way now, "In real life, you're just like Zheng Qing Mu, you know…" I hiccupped and I couldn't listen to him anymore.
Anger pulsed through my veins, how dare this dying man pity me! me?! The one who is and will be responsible for his death that will occur in just a few more minutes. I stood up and screamed in his ears, "Shut up! YOU SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" I paused for a second to catch my breath, "I'm telling you, I'm not the one to be pitied! Not in the least bit! I stabbed the knife in to his stomach and ran as fast as I can away, and I don't care where. This isn't how I had planned for this to happen. He was suppose to be begging to live, for me, to not kill him. But he insults me instead! I AM NOT PITIFUL! Not to the likes of you—of everyone in this world! Shouldn't he be afraid of never seeing his beloved Han Qiluo anymore? He's not one of me anymore, yet he's not others either. BASTARD!!
I want to go to a place where nothing matters, where I can live happily without a single idiot screwing my mind. Because you will never have a loved one to support and cherish you . . .
The unfamiliar, yet familiar voice spoke in my mind. How long has it been? Ten . . . twelve years? I haven't heard this voice since that incident.
You're happy now, aren't you? I saved you in return for protecting me from those bullies, just so you can do the same to me. After that incident where you killed that bully and broke his spine, you've changed in to the most disgusting being in the face of the earth? I saved you from all those addictions: drugs, alcohol, smoke . . . You would always get into fights, always looked down by even from strangers. Hard to believe I took all that pain from you with these hands. It's amazing how someone like me could control the time and place of someone's death.
Chen Ling should be dead by now. I smirked, still running. And he will forever regret whatever he had done to me.
Unbeknownst to me, I had brought myself to the beach. Hmmf! How irritating that this is Ling and Qiluo's private paradise as well. I hate them all, Ling, who was once able to relate to me, until you willingly snatched away by Qiluo. I HATE YOU ALL!!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee-OOooooooooooooooooooo . . . .
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee-Oooooooooooooooooooo . . . .
The sirens of an ambulance sounded behind me. I let out another irritated sigh, they're going to Ling, he's gonna survive. I should've done a better job, now I got to go to that stupid sanatorium. My life is moving completely in cycles, just like the earth and the moon, again and again, non stop until it dies and becomes a new star . . .
But I will never be a new star, because I'm alone.
You will never find a love one who you'll let live. You crave for love so much, you excessive love becomes dangerous to those people. Because you always death is better for this person than a short, healing, suffering. Loser. . . . The world will still move on without you in it. You're completely unneeded.
I'm all alone…
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" No one's here! No one's here to worry! No one, no one, NO ONE!! "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Why can't I die as easily as Qing Mu? Without regrets, to die peacefully? Because, right now, with no hope left, all I want to do is to disappear . . .
But disappearing doesn't mean there's a better life afterwards . . . I have to continue living, in repeating cycles . . . with this unfamiliar night forgotten . . . I will go on living alone.
I let out another scream of frustration and stress, and then forced myself to not dig much deeper into this—I don't want to become like those people out there, I do not want to deal with more pain. I do not want to get stuck in a never ending fall of agony, waiting until I break. This is the only road I can go and continue on, living hopelessly in this hellish world in this messed up corpse. I'll be alone, until I die.
Then I will just be nothing.
Hello, Toshi Death. howd u think of it? im actully not sur if I should update this story cuz i got a bunch of other stories, that im slow oncontinuing but then i wuz lik wat the heck?! i v already been doing this for a while, n is a place for you to share your stories with others. You may find some of the things inside weird cuz its not actually the manga MARS but rather the TAIWANESE TV DRAMA GOD MARS.