Author's Notes: Hey hey! It's me, your God Of The Wired here with a wonderful story just for you little freaks and fruitcakes out there! Well it would appear this is a first in the Lain area! Wooo! I'm the first humor! Well anyways, I had some pre-readers, but they had to be sacked due to circumstances beyond my control. Thank you. No flames please.. I doubt I would read them unless they were about squirrels spontaneously combusting.. that'd be cool.. Oh right! The fanfiction! Well on with the show!

Lain Iwakura And The Search For The Holy Modem

It was the start of yet another normal day in the life of Lain Iwakura. She woke up from a sleep she didn't remember having, and quietly got dressed. She took off her usual teddy bear pjs and threw on her school uniform before heading downstairs to eat breakfast with her loving family. By loving, of course, I mean completely ignoring and not even acknowledging her existence and awakening into the world. Her mother went about serving breakfast as her father watched the news quietly. Her sister kept giving her funny looks from across the table, but Lain had gotten use to these looks over time. After a quiet breakfast, Lain announced her leaving for school, which was met by absolutely nothing.

And so, Lain's day continued. She walked her way to school, the place where all her friends gathered. Although she only had three friends to speak of, it was still plural since there were three, so Lain was happy to mentally assure herself that saying friends was the proper word. Her school day also went by a schedule, and so, yet again, nothing new came to terms with Lain. She went to her classes, where she ignored the teacher (as most of the students did) and played with her palmtop at her desk.

'I can't let this happen.. I'll have to reset things!'

Lain looked on in horror as the last Tetrix block fell, ending her game.


The class didn't even bother to act surprised, as by now everyone knew Lain always lost at Tetrix.. and that was always her reaction. And so, the class continued, the teacher teaching to apparently the potted plant in the corner (it being the only thing listening to her) and, in two minute intervals, Lain cursing at her palmtop. Eventually, class managed to end and the teacher gave out that night's homework to a now empty classroom. Lain was, of course, staying true to her schedule. She was now walking down the creepy road to her house. This was of course the creepy road mostly because of the eerie noise made by the power lines that loomed menacingly in the air... Not to say these power lines WERE actually making a noise. It was more the fault of a guy behind the fence with a mustache, blowing into a comb with a piece of paper...and the combusting squirrels weren't helping the atmosphere much either..

However, like usual, the noise failed to creep Lain out. For that matter, it was well known throughout Tokyo that Lain Iwakura was the one person in existence that was impossible to creep out. She usually creeped out the creeper.. wait is creeper the right word? Or perhaps I should rather say scarer.. no that doesn't sound quite right either.. perhaps if I check the dictionary.. ahh who cares. For the time being, in replace of the word creeper we shall say bojangles. So anyways, she usually creeped out bojangles. Well anywho, the next scene is a wonderful one with some colorful acting in which Lain is given a task to perform. From who you ask? Let's just call them bojangles.

"::In a godly voice:: Lain Iwakura.."

Lain looked up into the sky, not quite sure where the voice was coming from, as it was almost coming from everywhere. It was mostly due to the sound system that was suddenly set up around her.


"Lain.. I am.."

"Wait wait.. let me guess.. you're god right?"

"::Normal tone:: God is such a strong word.. I prefer the term bojangles.. anyway, ::Back to godly voice:: Lain I have a task for you.."

"Why me? Why couldn't you choose someone else? I have a schedule to maintain here.."

"Quiet you! I need this task done and you happened along.. it's your own fault.. Lain, you must find the holy modem.."

"A holy modem? Sounds nice.. can I keep it?"

"No! I need it.. that's why I'm sending you in the first place!..jeez.."

"Ohh... And why can't you go to get this holy modem?"

"BECAUSE!! I'm just a disembodied voice that gets added in for dramatic effect..Now go! Find the holy modem and bring it back here!"

And with that, the wind blew, and the voice of bojangles was gone. Lain sighed heavily before turning around and heading back down the road. She knew where she could find this "holy modem". The same place Lain could always go when she needed something to just appear for her. And with that having been thought, Lain headed in the direction of Siberia. Once Lain returned from Russia, she headed to the place she meant to go. And so she walked to Cyberia..

At Cyberia..

Lain pushed her way through the mass of people that usually hung around Cyberia. It was always crowded like this, but there was always one table that happened to catch her attention. The hussle about the table was well known for being the place to get info. Even JJ, the dj at Cyberia, knew that was the place to go. And the table Lain was looking for was just across from it. The one with the kids at it. Taro and the rest of his friends were all seated at the table, discussing why squirrels self detonate at the sound of the word bojangles. Lain approached them slowly.

"G-good afternoon Taro.."

"Oh hey Lain.."

Mimi glared menacingly at Lain.

"Taro.. I'm looking for something.. a holy modem.." ::Dramatic music::

"A holy modem? ::Dramatic music:: I don't really know anyone who owns one.. I know where you can get it though.."

"You do? Where? I need to know Taro.. I need that holy modem." ::Dramatic music::

((::The author heads to his closet and kills the small orchestra living inside.::))

"I'll tell you.. but I want something in exchange.."

"Oh really? What could YOU possibly want?"

Lain put her hand on her hip, as if wanting him to ask her out.

"I want... a Fushuke processor!"

Lain took this time to promptly face fault. Slowly but surely, she stood back up and slinked over to Taro.

"Surely there must be something else you want.."

Lain licked her lips in a seductive manor..

"No Fushuke, no holy modem.."

Lain stood up and stomped off in a huff. She had to find that Fushuke if she ever wanted to get her hands on the holy modem. She knew just where to go to find this Fushuke processor: the one place to go when you need ANY electronic device of any kind. And so, Lain went to Best Buy.

((::The author hides his bribe and goes back to writing the fanfiction::))

At the Best Buy..

Lain looked around the Best Buy, looking for an associate that could help her find the foretold Fushuke. Finally a young man stepped forward.

"Can I help you ma'am?"

"Yes.. I'm looking for ::Dramatic pause:: a Fushuke."

The young man cringes at the word.

"No.. we have no Fushukes here! Now be gone!"

"If you don't tell me where the Fushukes are.. I shall say.. I shall say bojangles to you!"

"Noooo!!.. Do your worst!"

"Very well.. BOJANGLES!!"



"AAHHHH!! NO MORE!! I'll talk.. it's in aisle 3.. where the sign says "Get Your Fushuke Processors Here!" with the giant arrow.."


With that having been done, Lain headed over to the so called "Aisle 3" where she found the Fushuke she was looking for. She took it up to the register so she could pay and get out of there. Lain, however, was shocked when she saw the cashier.

"Mika? What are you doing here sister?"

"...I needed a job."

"Ohh.. okay then. Well.. I can't quite pay for this Fushuke.. if you'd like though, you can join me on my quest for the holy modem."

"No.. it's part of the company rules. No mystic quests in exchange for cash."

"Well.. umm.. uhhh.."

"Cash or credit?"

"I suppose I'll go with... Hey what's that over there?!"

Mika looks in the direction pointed out by Lain. Lain snickers at her sister's own stupidity before sneaking out.

"Bye Lain."

"Huh? How did you know?"

When Lain turned around, her sister was at the register, a spaced out look on her face as she held her hand up to her ears like a phone and began making noises.


"You know Mika.. you're not supposed to do that bit until you become mentally unstable.."

"I become mentally unstable? I always do this though.."

Lain quietly walked out of the Best Buy, sweatdropping, as her sister went about talking to her hand.

AN: Well that's it for this little installment! I'm hoping for good reviews! Thanks to everyone that gave me small ideas! I should get the next part up fairly soon..