Author's Notes: ::Sniff:: Oh my.. it would seem as though we have reached the end of this epic little saga.. well I hope you guys and gals enjoy it! Remember, I don't own Lain, I think it'd go against child labor laws ^_^;; And so throw on your teddy bear hat, pjs, and slippers because it's time for the shocking conclusion!

Lain Iwakura and The Search For The Holy Modem!
Part 3!

Present Day..

Present Ti.... oh wait.. it's half past seven..

Lain Iwakura was very pleased with herself to say the least. She had managed to get her hands on the foretold Holy Modem, and tommorow would be the day she would bring it to the spot where she heard the voice of bojangles. She walked up to the front door of her house and entered as silently as possible. She walked past her mother, who was still starring at that damn carrot. Her father was in his office, using all of his computers for the usual purpose... downloading as much porn as is humanly possible. Her sister was standing next to her mother, who was right alongside the aliens, starring at the carrot. Lain was almost tempted to go alongside them and stare, but she was tired and felt like sleeping. She went to her room, where she changed into her teddy bear pjs and went to bed.

The next morning went as usual. She woke up, dressed, and headed downstairs to eat breakfast. When she was going to ask what was for breakfast, she noticed that the entire family(aliens included) were all in the kitchen, staring at the carrot.

"What the hell is so damn interesting about that carrot?!"

When Lain received no reaction, she decided to skip breakfast and headed straight for school.

At school..

Lain walked into the classroom and quickly had a seat. As she was pulling out her notebook and pen, she was stormed by her three friends, Alice, Juri, and Reika.

"Hey Lain!"

"Oh.. hey.."

Alice leaned a bit closer, so her mouth was near her ear.

"Lain..what's wrong? You look kinda sad.. you know you can always lean your head on my shoulder if you want.."

Lain of course was used to this treatment from Alice.. she always was a bit to close to be a friend at times. And the way Alice was running her hand up Lain's leg wasn't helping. Lain batted the hand away only to feel another on her other leg. She looked up to see Juri was the owner. Juri winked at the now sweatdropping Lain, just before the sensei entered and began to write on the board.

Everyone took their seats as the teacher informed them that these notes would be, yet again, on the test. Lain began to jot down the notes, when the writing suddenly began to get fuzzy. Suddenly, everything on the blackboard was blurred.

"Wha... what's going on?"

Then, the blurred words began to meld together until they once again formed words.

'Come to the wired as soon as you can..'


The words seemed to melt, then reform into words again.

'If you are seeing this, you need glasses.'

"What the hell does that mean?! I have perfect vision!"

The words began to meld again, then reform.

'Eat at Joe's"

"Oh shut up and let me see the notes already!"

'Oh fine.. you ruin all the spooky fun in this series..'

The board returned to normal and Lain went about copying the notes.

After school..

"I'll see you guys later.."

"Lain do you want us to carry your books?"

"We could always go and get some nice, cold, ice cream."

Reika licked her lips and winked at Lain. Lain sweatdropped again.

"Uh no that's okay you guys... I'll just be going now..."

Lain quickly ran away and didn't turn back. She made her way back home, where she picked up the Holy Modem. She left her house, walking past the now growing group of spectator's viewing the carrot, and walked to the spot where she first heard bojangles. On her way, she spotted a bird which appeared to be stuck in the sky. Lain recognized it as the bird from her show's opening. She quickly ducked down, scooped up a handful of pebbles, and began throwing the small stones at the bird.

"Come down from there! You been up there for far to long!"

Finally, one rock cracked the bird in the head and it spiralled downwards into open traffic, where it was run over by a delivery truck.


She approached the spot in question and placed the Holy Modem on the ground. She looked up into the sky and spook.

"Here! I have your stinkin Holy Modem!"

Suddenly, the ground began to shake and a large mass of wires burst upwards from the ground. The wires joined together to form a small throne. Seated on this throne was none other then Bojangles.

"Lain... you have brought the modem as I asked.. now you can join me in the wired."

"The wired? So.. does that mean you're...."

"Yes Lain... I am the Bojangles of the wired."::Dramatic music::

At the sheer utterance of the name, 200 squirrels around the world exploded and a duck was shot.

"But... but... there is no such thing!"

"Oh but I do exist Lain... I am very real in fact... and you can be like me, as a reward for bringing the Holy Modem. Would you like to join me in the wired and become immortilized for all time?"


"Very well then... you must be destroyed.."

Bojangles stood off his throne and Lain was blasted backwards. Bojangles seemed to emininate a powerful aura, giving him an almost demonic look.

"You disappoint me Lain... I had figured you would like to leave this existence.."

Lain stood to her feet and charged at Bojangles. The two locked hands together and held, trying to see who could overpower the other. Bojangles used his right foot to pull Lain's feet out from her, and he gained the upper hand. He extended his hand, ready to give the order for all the wires he had to tear through Lain.

"It's to bad Lain... you're just not a match for me. Oh well... this is goodbye."

Lain cowered slightly and closed her eyes, awaiting the pain that would follow his words...

All that was heard though was the sound of a catapult, followed by the sound of a large object soaring through the air. Bojangles looked up, trying to find the source.


And with that, a large wooden badger fell from the sky, crushing the Bojangles Of The Wired. Lain looked up in shock, trying to find the source of the wooden mammal. She turned her head to the right to notice the catapult...
located on the roof of her house.


Mika popped her head up from behind the catapult.

"Hubba dubba doh neighbor!"

"Mika! You saved me!!"

Lain got to her feet and ran to her house, tears of joy running down her face. When she passed the pile of debris though, Bojangles of the wired burst from the wreckage.

"I will not lose after all this waiting to get an appearance in this damn fanfic!!!"

Wires shot out and constricted Lain, tightening around her throat. More wires shot up from the earth and destroyed Lain's house.

"There will be no more distractions! Everyone will be connected!"

Suddenly, a small object, moving faster then the eye could ever attempt to see, flew past Lain and struck Bojangles dead on in the chest.


His blood poured from the open wound, seeping onto the ground. His hands went to his chest, in a feeble attempt to stop the bloodflow, before he collapsed in a heap. Lain quickly ran to Bojangles, and immediatly recognized the object which had struck him.
.........It was a carrot. A single, orange carrot.
((AN: The author will not explain the mysterious ways of the carrot, nor will he answer questions pertaining to the carrot.))

"Wow.... I didn't see that coming.."

With that, Lain walked back to the rubble of her house, the carrot in one hand and the holy modem under her arm.

"Hey, at least I got a new computer outta this deal..."

Lain looked down at the holy modem and dropped it in shock.

"My god.... what kind of holy modem is this?! It doesn't have a cd burner!! NOOOO!!!"

Lain woke up around the rubble that used to be her house and quickly went through her morning routine. Surprisingly, throughout the chaos, Lain's teddy bear pjs remained in tack. She got dressed and headed to school.

At school..

Lain sat down in her seat. She pondered over the events that had occured the other day and thought of all the casualties.. her mother, her father, her sister, countless squirrels.. that one duck. It saddened her to think about it, so she tried to blank it from her mind and focus in on the discussion Alice and Juri were having.

"For the last time Juri, no! We aren't going there tonight!"

"Oh come on, we always do what you want to do! Why can't we do what I want?"

"Because you're nothing more then a sub-character that shares little to no relevance in this story!"

"Well so are you! In that case, Lain should be deciding where we go!"

The two turn towards Lain with an inquisitive look on their face.

"Uhhh.... ummm"

At that second, the door to the class opened and the teacher walked in.

"Class is starting, students! Keep quiet while I call role.... Lain? Lain Iwakura?"


"I have to talk with you now..about REVENGE!!"

Suddenly, the teacher split apart at the stomach, and burst in a shower of blood and sinew.


Bojangles lunged at Lain, trying to get in one last attack before the end of the fanfiction. Just as the horrendous being known as Bojangles lunged forward, the author suffered a fatal heart attack.

((::Author clutches at chest, then falls over in his chair, dead::))

And so, the horrible attack of Bojangles was frozen in time.. and with that, this fanfiction nightmare ended.

THE END.....

((::Screen fades to black and Lain walks out::))

"What kind of ending was that?! It sucked goat ass!!"

Okay okay.... how about this then....

((::Cut back to the scene in which Bojangles was crushed by the large wooden badger::))

Lain looked up in shock, trying to find the source of the large wooden mammal. She looked to the right to see the catapult.. as it loaded a sheep in. Lain panicked and tried to find the Holy Modem so she could run, but found the modem missing. She looked back to the catapult and yelled out..

"You there! Working the catapult! Did you take my Holy Modem?!"

Suddenly, a small person popped their head out from behind the catapult.

"Hello silly japanese girl! The Holy Modem belongs to my master!"

Lain looked at the crazy sounding french man, and then decided to argue the point.

"Now look here! I went through a lot of trouble to get that thing and I want it back!"

"I don't wanna talk to you anymore you empty headed, food troth water! I fart in your general direction.. I.."

"OKAY CUT!!!! I can't take it! Isn't there another way we can end this fanfic?"

Okay okay..... jeez...

((::Cut back to the scene in which Bojangles appeared in school::))

Bojangles lunged at Lain, in hopes of one last shot before the fanfiction ended. When he was no less then one step away from Lain, his foot was ensnared in a trap and he was hoisted to the ceiling.

"It looks like our trap worked!"

Alice, Reika, Juri, and Lain all approached Bojangles.

"Well... let's see who you really are Bojangles! Or should I say..."

Alice rips the mask from Bojangles and the group gasps in surprise.

"Speed Racer!!"

"That's right... and I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling kids.."



Awww crikeys... fine.. let me think...

"Why not just end it with the two classic ending words?"

Hmmm.. sounds good..

--Fuck Off--

"Those aren't the words I meant!!..... Oh who cares... just end the suffering already.."

Author's Last Good Deed To The Readers: Come on everyone! SING ALONG!!

We're Knights of the Round Table.
We dance whene'er we're able.
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot.
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot..

We're Knights of the Round Table.
Our shows are formidable,
But many times we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable.
We're opera mad in Camelot.
We sing from the diaphragm a lot..
In war we're tough and able,
Quite indefatigable.
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.
It's a busy life in Camelot.
I have to push the pram a lot.

Author's Notes: ::Sniff:: I.. I promised myself I wouldn't cry!! Oh well folks, that's that! This would be the end of this little diddy..
time for me to.... write something else I suppose.. keep an eye out for me under Lain and Evangelion, those'll be mostly the only two places I'll be writing under... thanks for reading and I'll catch you people on the flip side.