Disclaimer: I don't own the twilight characters'
Carlisle must have me on some pretty good medication because there's no way in hell Edward would say that.
Now the Rose thing I know that was real. Renee had it coming I mean she's a bitch.
"W-what?" I asked. Well hell I stuttered.
"You heard me." Edward said. This. Wasn't. Happening.
"You don't mean that." I said. "You barely know me. You-"
"I know that you're stubborn. I know that you're really good in school but no one thinks you are because of the way you act. I know that you like me." Cue the blush. Damn him.
"I know that you've been blaming yourself for everything bad happening. I know you have a deep hatred for Renee. I know a lot more then you think."
"Edward…" Because I could say anything Renee had to stick her two-sense in.
"Edward this isn't the time or place for this."
"I think it is." I whipped my head around and looked at my brother. He had his arm around Alice.
"Jasper. We have more important things to-"
"They've been putting this shit off for to damn long RENEE." He shook his head. I looked at Edward.
"You're not fucking serious." He grinned sadly.
"Can we talk outside?" He asked. I looked at Rose and she nodded. I started following Edward out the back door.
"Bella" I heard Renee call. I ignored her. Before she could call me again I closed the door behind me and shook my head.
Edward leaned against the rail on the back porch. I leaned against the door.
"Why are you trying to fuck with my mind Cullen?" I whispered. I was completely…confused. Fuck.
"Why are you pushing me away Swan." He pushed away from the rail and walked over to me. He looked me in the eye. His lips inches from mine.
"I'm not." I looked to my left. Hell yes I was. I closed my eyes and asked silent questions.
What the hell am I doing?
Why can't this all just go away?
What is HE doing?
This can't be real.
Kate I'm sorry please just help me.
"What are you thinking?" I looked back up at him. His green eyes were dark.
"That I shouldn't…" He shook his head. "What Edward? What the hell do you want me to say?"
"Usually when someone admits to loving someone they have a different reaction. Most girls would say something."
"I'm not most girls."
"That's why I love you." His eyes seemed to brighten when he said those words. My heart was pounding, like in the forest.
When I realized I loved him too.
"I'm fucked up Edward."
"I know." I narrowed my eyes.
"I'm a suicidal bitch."
"You're unique." My eyes widened a little at his tone. It even sounded…loving?
"I'm a whore." He shook his head glaring.
"No. Bella I have no clue what happened to you. All I know is that those assholes are so wrong." He sounded so firm. I took a deep breath.
"I tried to kill myself." I whispered. What was this feeling…SHIT? Vulnerability!
"I know." he sighed. "I tried so fucking hard. I want to help you…everyone said…Alice told me I was helping you. Almost everyone agreed. Then…this…I failed." he whispered the last word.
My heart dropped.
My cold lifeless heart.
Tears started falling and I cursed. Edward wiped my cheeks.
"Why are you crying?" He wondered. I glared.
"You're such a bastard. You try to convince me love isn't weakness. Then why do you…I don't feel strong. I feel weak Edward." it took him a minute to comprehend what I accidentally said.
"Shit." I whispered. He shook his head.
"Did you just…?" I shrugged after a minute. He started backing away and I grabbed his arms.
"No." I whispered.
"What?" he asked. "Bella dammit Jasper was right. We need to talk about this." I didn't look at him. I looked at my hands as I moved them so I was holding his.
"I like this." I said to myself. Edward squeezed my hand.
"Bella." He sighed. "I love you. So much."
Bella said love was weakness. It can be. Not hearing her say it made my heart feel so broken. I felt unprotected. Like nothing could ever fix me if she rejected me.
I could say it.
I could admit it to her now.
It just stung because she hadn't given me any clue to her feelings.
I thought she liked me!
I thought…they said she loved me.
"How?" She asked after I had said it once again. I put my forehead against hers.
"I love seeing you everyday." I whispered. "You're so beautiful. Jasper told me not to try anything because you were so broken. Please don't hate him for that. I understand. It's just…I was drawn to you. You piss me off…all the time. Not now. Maybe the love is stopping me I don't know." I looked in her teary eyes.
"You were screaming and bitching. I yelled back at you. I realized you were-are like me. You like the fight. It makes you feel…it's a rush. After are fight somehow you started…listening to me. I have no clue why."
"You were once me." Bella said. "I saw pictures of you. Before. What happened?"
"I can't…Bella I didn't feel like I belonged. I didn't feel right."
"You looked so sad."
"You LOOK so sad." I emphasized the word 'look.' She frowned.
"Because." I couldn't do this. Fuck. I tried to pull away but Bella stopped me.
"No." I shook my head.
"Stop it Bella!" I tried not to yell, but I couldn't stop it. She let me go and glared.
"You just can't…do that." I said softly.
"Do what? Edward you know…I like you." Those words cut me like a knife. I felt a sting in my chest. I actually for a spilt second wished I had felt a REAL sting of a razor blade. They hurt less.
"I can't. Bella I actually love you. You're hiding from me." I hope you are. "We…" I trailed off.
"We what? Just friends?" She asked. She showed no emotion at all. I just looked at her.
The broken girl with the hidden past. The girl who did nothing but blame herself but knew how to defend herself against others.
The beautiful disaster I loved.
"Bella…" Fuck my life. "I'll be whatever you need me to be." I opened the back door and walked back into the house.
Leaving her alone again.
"Edward?" I asked as I saw my brother walk back in.
Something was wrong. Bella wasn't behind him and he looked sad. I looked at Jasper and he shrugged. Renee had left. She would be back tomorrow. It was just Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I. Esme and Carlisle were upstairs.
"What happened?" Jasper asked. Edward glared.
"What do you think happened?" He snapped.
"Edward…" Emmett warned. Edward sighed and looked me straight in the eye.
"I didn't think rejection would hurt this much." I don't think anyone in the room was breathing.
"What did she say?" Rose asked.
"She almost…said it. God. Fuck. Then she took it back and said she liked me. That fucking hurt like shit. I…love her…so…" He shook his head. "Fuck this." He grabbed his jacket from the counter and started toward the door to the garage.
"Edward?" I saw the look in his eyes. "Edward!" He didn't look at me he just kept going. Before I could say anything else he slammed the door.
"What is wrong with him?" I whispered.
"What's going on Alice?" Rose asked. I looked at Emmett.
"La Push." Emmett's eyes widened.
"Why wouldn't he?"
"He stopped that shit Alice!"
"Maybe. Maybe not."
"He's just cooling off."
"If he comes home high as fuck I blame you."
"I didn't break his heart Ali." Everyone went silent. No one knew what to say. Rose stood up.
"I need to talk to her." She looked at me. "Don't assume the worse. Maybe Edward just wanted to leave before he lost it. Edward wouldn't want to blow up on Bella. You know that." I nodded.
"Rose. I worry about Edward all the time. I can't help think the worst when he gets that dark look in his eyes."
"Alice. I worry about Bella every second of every day. I hate how I can't help her like Edward does. Let me talk to her and maybe she can talk to him." I nodded and leaned against Jasper as Rose went outside.
"Alice" I looked at Jasper. "She loves him. I don't know why she didn't tell him." I shrugged.
"She doesn't think she deserved to be loved. She's pushing him away." I sighed.
"I just hope she realizes what she wants soon."
Well fuck my life.
"I'll be whatever you need me to be." God I messed up.
What to do…
"Bella?" I looked to my right and saw Rose. I tried to smile.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"What's going on? You…rejected Edward?" I closed my eyes.
"I don't know. I'm so confused." She stood next to me; I looked at the forest.
"Do you love him? Everyone's assuming you do, but know ones asked. Do you love him?" I opened my eyes and nodded slowly. Rose took a breath.
"Why…didn't you tell him? That was the perfect time." I shook my head.
"How do you know?" I bit my lip.
"I'll just know." I sighed. "Rose I saw his car leave. Can I stay and wait for him?" She nodded.
"Charlie's letting us stay here with you. Carlisle has work but Esme is going to watch us. Alice and Emmett are staying too."
"You're going to stay in Emmett's room?" She nodded.
"Jasper's staying with Alice to avoid another meltdown. Tomorrow Carlisle's going to try a prescribe him something." I frowned.
"I'll…I'm going to sleep." I turned and started walking toward the door. Rose followed me.
When we walked inside I only saw Emmett. Alice and Jasper were gone.
"They're going to bed. I talked to Alice and she's calmed down." Rose nodded and hugged Emmett. I sighed.
"What's wrong Belly?" I stared at Emmett and smiled.
"Nothing Emmy I'm just a little tired is all." He frowned and looked thoughtful. Rose watched us in amusement.
"Then…I know go to bed!" He announced. I put on a thoughtful face.
"Where am I going to sleep Emmy?" I liked this game. Again he made a face in thought. Rose laughed.
"Eddies room!" I sighed.
"Emmett I…can't." He frowned.
"Belly I know Edward wont mind. He cares about you." I bit my lip. "He saved you. He was so scared."
"Jasper asked him too…"
"Bella. Do you honestly believe that's the only reason Edward saved you?" Rose asked. I shook my head and started up the stairs.
I needed to sleep.
I drove around for a long time.
She drove me insane.
She loathed herself.
She thought nothing good of herself.
She even tried to make me not love her.
Her face was in shock when I called her unique. I didn't care at the time I just thought about how beautiful she looked in the moonlight.
I literally poured my heart out to her. The rejection killed me and I couldn't stay in that house without losing my sanity.
I left and drove all the way to Port Angeles and back.
I'm now in my car in the garage.
It's 1:42 am.
I'm afraid to go back into the house.
Alice is surely mad at me for leaving. She thought I was going to get high again. I could tell by her tone when I was leaving. I'm hoping someone defended me. I sighed.
I turned off my car and got out. I went in the garage door and into my house.
It was quiet.
No one was waiting up for me.
No one was here yelling at me for being out late.
They trusted me.
Alice was hesitant but that's just because she's easily scared. I had scarred her for life. I frowned.
I started walking up the stairs thankful when I made no noise.
My door was closed which confused me. I had left it open. I started turning the door knob.
When opened the door a little I heard it.
"Edward?" I opened the door and I saw her.
She was lying in my bed and was looking down. Her eyes had tears in them.
Had she slept at all? I'd been gone for hours.
"Bella?" I didn't turn the light on; I just walked into the room and knelt down next to the bed. Bella was clutching her arm.
"Bella" She had unwrapped her left arm. "Why'd you unwrap it?" I took her arm in my hands. She shook her head.
"I wanted to look at it. It hurts." I sighed.
"I imagine that it does." I rubbed my finger over her old scars and the soon to be scar. I opened the drawer next to my bed and took out some more gauze to wrap it with. Carlisle left it here just in case.
"I'm sorry I stayed in your room." She whispered. I shook my head; then I closed my eyes.
I took a breath and kissed the scars on her wrist. I heard her take a deep breath. I looked back at her. She was looking back at me. I wrapped up her arm for her.
"Thank you." I shrugged.
"You're very welcome." I didn't move from my spot on the floor.
We both stayed quiet for a while. I didn't know what to do.
I hadn't looked at Bella so I had assumed she had fallen asleep.
I was wrong.
"Edward?" I had stood up and was going to sleep on my couch but she stopped me. I turned around to find her sitting up in my bed.
"Yes?" I could see her. It was dark but I could see her. She looked different. She looked…like the broken girl I saw singing Evanescence in the airport.
She didn't say anything I walked over to the front of the bed.
"Yes, Bella?" I asked again. She moved forward and sat up on her knees. She looked straight at me. I could feel her breath on my face.
"I…" She started. "I…" She bit her lip. I took a breath and tried to not to think about how close she was. I wanted to kiss her. She lifted her hand put it in my hair.
"Your hairs soft." She whispered. I nodded. She smiled.
"Did you need something Bella?" I asked. She nodded, but said nothing.
"What do you need?" She tilted her head slightly.
"I need to tell you something." Okay.
"You can tell me anything Bella." Her hand left my hair and went to my shoulder. She then put her other hand on my left shoulder.
"I can tell you what happened to Kate?" I nodded slowly.
"If you wish to share that with me."
"I can tell you about Phoenix. About what I did?" My eyes went a little wide but I nodded.
"Can I tell you a secret?" She seemed hesitant this time. I nodded.
Bella moved a little bit and was suddenly very close. Our lips were inches apart.
"I'm…in love with you." She whispered. My heart stopped.
She had whispered it so softly I almost didn't hear it. I looked into her brown eyes and saw the truth.
She wasn't lying.
"Bella…" I whispered. I didn't know what to say…I thought…
"Edward." She whispered back. "I really do." My mind and now my heart were in overdrive.
She loved me.
She was so close.
There was no way in hell I could control my reaction to this. So I didn't.
I kissed her.
Her body froze for a moment and then responded.
She kissed me back and I wrapped my arms around her waist. I felt her hands in my hair again.
After a few minutes I pulled back.
"Edward?" Bella said after moment. She sat back down and made me sit next to her.
"Bella?" I questioned back. She frowned.
"I've never been in an actual relationship." I touched her cheek lightly. I wasn't holding back.
"I'm…confused…scared." I nodded.
"Me too." She smiled and yawned.
"Sleep." I told her. She glared.
"Just because were together doesn't mean you can tell me what to do." I smiled when she said we're 'together.'
"Well then what are you going to do?" She thought for a moment.
"Sleep." I laughed.
"Really now? I should have thought of that." Bella shrugged.
"You're not as smart as me."
"I guess not." Bella tilted her head and sighed.
"Don't sleep on the couch." I looked at her curiously.
"Where am I sleeping then?" She shrugged.
"Anywhere but the couch."
"So on the floor."
"No; anywhere but there is fine. I don't care."
"If you don't care why can't I sleep on the couch?"
"Because the couch can't fit two people" I then understood. "And I'm not sleeping on the floor."
"Scoot over." She did and I moved to the right side of the bed. She laid back and I did too.
I wrapped my arm around her waist and with my right hand I moved her hair out of her face.
"Promise me." She whispered. "That you aren't going to go all soft on me. I like when you set me straight on my bullshit." I nodded.
"Promise me that you're going to stay the beautiful, crazy, and loud, girl I've fallen in love with." I could see her smile in the darkness.
"Of course; this must be a treat for you. Enjoy it. Tomorrow when Charlie, Renee, and Carlisle gang up on me. I'm going to be VERY loud." I laughed softly.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." I kissed her forehead.
"Don't…tell everyone." Her smile was gone. "I don't want…Charlie to know."
"Charlie won't know."
"He'll be an ass and try to pull the parent shit on me."
"He is your parent."
"He didn't save me."
"Save you?" She took a minute to answer.
"From James" I froze. I pulled her closer to me. I put my face in her hair.
"James?" I questioned. She nodded.
"No one helped me. Kate tried…" She trailed off and yawned.
"Sleep Bella" I whispered.
"Shut it Edward." I could tell she was dozing off.
"I love you." I wanted her to say it again.
"Somehow; I love you to Cullen." I laughed.
"Bella? Come on." She yawned again.
"I love you Edward."
That's all I wanted to hear.
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