A/N: This probably should have been up like a week ago, but I didn't even think of it until last night. I'm disappointed with myself. But, there is a secret EDGE reference, since I miss him. Bonus points if you spot it.
"WHERE ARE THE GLITTERY FAIRIES?" Jericho screamed, stabbing the ground with the bottom of his royal staff. "LANCE CADE, I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR GLITTERY FAIRIES TO MARK MY PATH WITH BLUE GLITTER SO THE WORLD WOULD KNOW THAT JERICHO WAS HERE!"
"Chris, there's no such thing as fairies, or even glittery ones, for that matter," Lance Cade sighed, glancing at his clipboard.
Chris Jericho was being worse than usual on this day. He saw clearly that his title reign was a serious reason to party, and Jericho loved to party.
Lance Cade knew that no expense or detail would be spared, including glittery fairies. With it being Jericho, of course there had to be glittery fairies. There was just no way around it.
"I am the King of the WWE, damnit!" Jericho hollered, beating the poor ground with his staff again as he sat on his royal throne. "Just find me one!"
Conveniently enough, Hornswoggle had just appeared, and he was trying to hide underneath Jericho's throne.
"OOH!" Jericho squealed, reaching down and grabbing Hornswoggle by the coat and swiftly picking him up with one hand. "Give him the glitter. He can be my glitter fairy." Jericho took a look at Hornswoggle and then dropped him. "Disgusting! He's dirty! Look, kid, just replace that dirt on your face with glitter, and you've got yourself a deal."
"What deal, Chris? How do you know that Hornswoggle even wants to be in your parade?" Lance Cade inquired, giving Jericho a quizzical look.
Jericho's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "Are you defying me, Lance Cade?"
"No, Chris, it's just that I don't think—"
"Yeah, that's right, Lance Cade. You don't think. You don't care about my feelings at all, do you? Is it so wrong that I want glittery fairies at my victory parade? Come on, Lance Cade, of course I need them. And to think, all the stuff I've done for you…" Jericho shook his head. "Here you go, kid," Jericho said, handing Hornswoggle a bag of glitter from the box next to his throne. "When my minions carry my throne around backstage, I want you to walk ahead of it, tossing the glitter like a pretty little flower girl at a wedding. Can you do that for me?"
Hornswoggle took a look at the glitter, the shiny, green glitter. "Yeah, yeah!" he grunted, ripping the glitter from Jericho's hands and running away down the hall.
"Hey, you! Get back here!" Jericho called after him.
"Looks like you're going to have to chase him down," Lance Cade chuckled.
"No, Lance Cade. It looks like you're going to have to chase him down," Chris demanded. "That little hood rat stole my glitter!"
"Chris, you have plenty of glitter to spare. Anyways, are you ready to start the parade?"
"Uh, NO, Lance Cade, I am not! Do you plan on carrying the royal throne of Jericho all by yourself? Where are my minions?"
"Well…" Lance Cade sighed. He really didn't feel like explaining to Jericho about why his "minions" didn't show up, but he figured that he should. "When I asked Evan Bourne, he just laughed."
"Who is Evan Bourne? Is he that five year old that is obsessed with Rey Mysterio?"
"Yeah, that's him."
"Preposterous," Jericho muttered under his breath.
"And Kane said he'd rather set your throne on fire…"
"Kane is just jealous that he can't hang out with Rey Mysterio like that five year old child does."
"Yeah, Chris. Sure. And I can't believe you wanted me to ask Shawn Michaels, because—"
"OF COURSE I WANTED SHAWN MICHAELS! He's my greatest enemy! Don't you see how awesome that would be? It would be my ultimate victory to have him carry my throne in the celebratory parade of Chris Jericho," Chris epically ranted with a gleam in his eye.
"Shawn said he wanted to superkick you off the chair," Lance said quickly once he caught a gap in Jericho's speech.
"And what a celebration that would be!" Jericho continued as if he didn't even hear what Lance had said.
Now, Jericho was standing up and using his staff while he spoke for dramatic effect. As he thrashed around, much of the blue glitter on the back of his cape fell off, but he didn't notice. All he cared about was talking about how much better he was than Shawn Michaels.
"This is what I'm coming back to?" Gregory Helms asked Ted DiBiase. They were standing around the corner behind Jericho's back, watching the scene unfold before there eyes.
"Yeah. Isn't it great?" Ted said, watching Jericho with admiration. His face was lit up as he watched Jericho with the World Heavyweight Championship, hoping that one day, he, too, could be like Chris Jericho.
"You've got to be kidding me," Helms murmured. He looked around the hallway for something of use.
There was an emergency fire hose next to a fire extinguisher on the wall.
"Don't do it!" Ted pleaded.
"Ted, don't you know how to have fun? Or are you too obsessed with Jericho to care?"
Ted frowned at the veteran wrestler. "I want no part of this," Ted declared, and he walked away, leaving Gregory Helms with his weapon of choice.
"Okay, now how do you turn this sucker on?" Gregory asked himself. He found the correct nozzle, but didn't turn it. He walked over to where Jericho was, still standing behind him.
It was then that Gregory Helms realized that he couldn't reach the handle to turn on the water from where he was standing.
Hornswoggle was running around the hallway, throwing the green glitter everywhere.
"Hey, Hornswoggle!" Helms called. "Turn that handle, will you?"
"Yeah!" Hornswoggle squealed, dropping the glitter and turning the water on, sending the cold fluid through the hose.
As Helms pointed the nozzle upwards, the water sprayed down like rain on Jericho's head.
Jericho held his hand up to feel the cold water. "Rain? On my parade?"
"Chris, we're inside. It can't rain while you're indoors."
"ARE YOU DEFYING THE LAWS OF MOTHER NATURE?" Jericho yelled, slamming his staff down and brandishing it towards Lance Cade. "Clearly, it is raining indoors. You, Lance Cade, don't know anything about natural precipitation."
"Do you want me to find where this is coming from?" Lance offered.
"Duh, Lance. It's obviously coming from the sky."
"Do you want me to get an umbrella for you then?" Lance sighed, giving up.
"No. This is my parade, and I shall endure this rain. I'm sure the loyal Jerichoholics are waiting to see me in this regal parade, and I do not wish to disappoint them." Jericho slumped back in his throne and frowned as he was doused in the water.
Lance looked down the hall, opposite from where Gregory Helms was spraying the fire hose. There was no one waiting for Chris. There were no Jerichoholics to be seen.
Lance, of course, refrained from telling this to Jericho, and he joined Chris in becoming drenched.