Go to her house, spare the lives of the innocent, slaughter the guilty.
After all, by slaughtering Bella Swan I, in a way, slaughtered myself; and I was the guiltiest of them all. Though Bella was no saint either. Who did she think she was? A little girl, she barely knew this world, and here she was taunting me, forcing my hand to shatter the lovely picture of humanity I had painted for myself, or should I say that Carlisle had painted for all of us.
I couldn't bring myself to think of my "father" at this time. It was such a selfish act to not think of my family in this instant, but it couldn't be helped. The monster inside of me had prevailed, there was an untamed thirst that raged within me. It sparked a fire within my throat, screaming at me to quench it, to do what came naturally, to murder. If it was so natural why hadn't I accomplished it yet? Why did I now find myself standing underneath Bella Swan's window for the third night in a row? And, almost more importantly, to me, why hadn't Alice stopped me?
My sister had made no move to stop me the past couple of nights as I had fled the house, though I h ad watched her intently has she had played Emmet at checkers, hoping that I could detect any sign of awareness in her thoughts. Hoping, praying that she should stop me, halt me from ruining the life we had crafted for ourselves as a family, but I was met with nothing by raised eyebrows,
"Why don't you take a picture it'll last longer?" She had quipped.
I had come to the conclusion that, maybe, Alice couldn't see Bella' future just like I couldn't read Bella's thoughts. Did my future totally go black when I left the house? But wouldn't that make her more nervous? It didn't make sense.
Finally, I pushed my family from my mind, my thirst was becoming unbearable, I had almost skipped school that day. I should have. Having Bella next to me, breathing her scent, had almost made me reconsider slaughtering my fellow students, her presence had only fueled my thirst further. Bitch. A primitive growl erupted from my throat as I listened, intently, to her rhythmic breathing. It was oddly hypnotic, I breathed as merely a habit. I had no need for oxygen, I could swim an ocean in one breath if need be, but Bella could not. Bella needed to breathe, she needed the oxygen that filtered in and out of her lungs, that powered her heart, that pumped the life-enriched blood through her body.
Oh how it called to me, how it sang to me,
"La tua cantante." I spit the phrase angrily as fresh venom pooled in my mouth. I glanced around me quickly. Chief Swan was gone for the weekend, no doubt to go fishing. That was all the Chief thought about, and I both pitied and envied him for this. On one hand I had eternity to learn, and read, anything I wished. Charlie Swan would never know such pleasures. On the other hand he never had to worry about someone finding out his true identity, he never had to worry about slaughtering an entire town. Charlie Swan still had his soul, he was a good man, he had no reason to fear Hell.
Bella breathed an audible sigh and I was brought back to my task. I could kill her, drain her dry, and my family and I could be gone before anyone noticed. I wouldn't, or should I say the monster, wouldn't allow myself to dwell on my family. I was thirsty, my eyes burned black as the ache in my throat accelerated, I needed blood. I scaled the side of the house quickly and entered her bedroom window without a sound.
The drapes barely moved, I was silent, I was good. And there I was, standing in front of Bella Swan's sleeping form. I watched her for a moment, her breasts rose and fell with each breath, like a metronome keeping tempo in this wretched symphony. Bella's death march of which I was maestro of. I tried to keep myself from breathing, I feared that if I dared to take a breath then it would all be over too quickly, and if this was to be my final act then I was going to make it last. But, of course, Bella would ruin my plans.
"Edward", I thought I had been caught, I thought a piercing scream would follow, but nothing came. As habit, I took a sharp intake of air as the breathy sound of her voice entered my ears.
That's when it hit me.
A potent new scent, something fairly unknown to me, something more pronounced than her normal scent. Something that made a fresh round of venom pool in my mouth and a new, unique, ache build inside of me. A new scent, and a new feeling, something that could only be described as one thing…
Much to my dismay I let out an audible moan. I could have leapt out the window, I could have gone, but my desires wouldn't allow me, the monster wouldn't let me off that easily. Bella shifted in her bed and, to my terror, slowly opened her eyes. She sat up, obviously aware of my existence, but she didn't scream, she didn't move, she merely stared. I stood still, I wanted to kill her but I wanted more now, I couldn't handle screaming, but, I wanted to hear her say my name again.
"Edward?" It wasn't as breathy this time, it wasn't as warm or said with as much admiration or as much pleasure, it was a question this time. I was wasting time, I should have had my teeth in her by now, but I wanted to hear her speak more, in hopes that she would say my name that same, breathy, way again.
The monster was screaming at me, the monster would win. In time.
I was across the room and on her bed in no time. My cold, marble, hand plastered itself across her mouth. She made no move to throw me off, no move to bite me, was she that stupid? Her heart did speed up, a natural reaction, and her blood pumped more ferociously. Her skin was so warm and soft under my skin, I almost snapped her neck right then, but I found myself so interested in why she had said my name. Why was my humanity, my curiosity, creeping in? I was getting more angry with myself by the second.
"Are you going to scream?" I asked her through my clenched teeth. She shook her small head slowly. If she was lying I would snap her neck, easy as that, but a part of me hoped she wasn't lying. A part of me wanted her to be calm just a little while longer, long enough for me to hear her speak a bit more. I didn't know how I had missed her melodic voice before, maybe it had been all the other voices that I heard in my head that had drowned out her actual voice. Whatever had silenced her before was gone because, now, her voice was loud and clear. I still wanted her dead, I wanted her warm blood to trickle down my throat, her small body to go limp in my tight clutches, the monster was still growling loudly inside of me, but, maybe, I could prolong her final moments just a little longer.
After all, it was my last hoorah.
I pulled my hand from her mouth, she made no move to scream, no move to react in any negative way. She simply stared at me, her eyes wide, her mouth open slightly revealing her two full lips. The ache grew more intense as I stared back.
"I wondered when you would give in." She said. I was taken aback, slightly, and I responded with a growl. Why was she being so smug? I should have killed her for that comment but that damn little shred of humanity that was slowly creeping back into the scene kept nudging at me, it kept my curiosity intact, it kept Bella alive,
"What?" I asked simply. I was so confused, and angry. She should be screaming her head off, sobbing, pleading with me to spare her. Why was she so calm? Why didn't she care that someone she barely knew, a fellow student, a boy, sat mere inches from her in her bedroom, on her bed?
"I'm not stupid Edward. I know you've been visiting the past three nights. I was wondering how long it would take you to actually come in." She said. I was shocked that I hadn't known that she was aware of my ever vigilant existence below her window. I was upset that I hadn't been more careful,
"How?" I said. I was sticking as closely to one word questions and answers the best I could. I didn't want to speak too much, I didn't want to use too much oxygen, I wanted to drag her death out further. I was being selfish, I should have spared her the pain and killed her the moment she had sat up, but it was far too late for that now, I was too interested. Either my humanity was slowly winning, slowly convincing me to save her, or my inner monster was becoming sicker, urging me to drag this death out.
"I got up to use the restroom in the middle of the night, the moon has been so bright lately that I could clearly see you pacing back and forth under my window. You were muttering to yourself about something, I couldn't understand what you said, all I knew was that you were there." She said. She shifted slightly on the bed, either in an act of nervousness or just to make herself more comfortable, either way the scent of her arousal hit me in a fresh wave, I ripped the blanket slightly.
"Why didn't you call out to me? Ask me what I was doing?" I asked her trying my best to keep the venom at bay, try to make it long enough so that I could hear my name on her lips once again. A small smirk played at the edges of her lips, she was so unbelievably human that it made me ache even more. I could feel the warmth radiating off of her, I could smell her shampoo still collected in the moisture that clung to her hair.
"I figured that if you really wanted to talk to me you would throw a rock, or call my name. Do something, that's what all the boys do in the movies anyway." She said, stupid girl. I was nothing close to any boy she had ever encountered in life, let alone seen in a movie. Stupid girl.
"Why didn't you scream when I touched you? Cried for help? Why didn't you try and stop me?" I asked. I was insanely curious. She made me insanely curious. She hadn't recoiled from me upon first glance like every other human did when they came in contact with my siblings and myself. She didn't fear me now, even as I sat across from her, mere minutes from the end of her life she didn't fear me, and, for some strange reason, that made me angry.
"Why should I be afraid? If you wanted to hurt me you would have by now. I'm too interested in you to scream. You're just a normal guy." How wrong she was to say those words, how wrong she would feel when I was on her, draining her. How wrong her words would be when I moved at inhuman speeds to block her only exit after she realized that no, I am not like a normal guy, I am not like the boys in the movies. I was damned, truly, and she would know that, she would fear me before I took her life, I would be the closest she would ever get to Hell. Her blood would run hot through her veins as her adrenaline pumped it more ferociously than before. I would make sure of that,
"Isabella there are many, many, things out there that you should fear. And, trust me, I am one of them." I said. My voice was low, and it came out more as a growl then anything, "If only you knew about everything that loomed in the darkness as you slept. If only you knew of the other world that existed within yours, full of monsters that you thought only existed in stories. If only you knew that it had been my plan to kill you approximately four minutes and forty-seven seconds ago then maybe, just maybe, you would be afraid." I said. It was the truth, it had been my original plan to slaughter her quickly, to make it so she didn't have time to be scared. But now it was either the monster, or my humanity, that stalled my plans, that made it impossible to do it quickly and, for the sake of argument, I hated them both equally.
Bella's small tongue snuck out and swept over her lips. I felt my jeans constrict further, this was insane, I was supposed to be draining the life from her in that instant but, instead, I found my plans halted by the simplest, yet arguably one of the most important, human needs.
"You won't kill me." She said simply, quietly, oh how wrong she was. I would be the death of her. I growled and she blinked, I wanted her to be terrified of me, it would make all of this so much easier, so much like a normal hunt. I wanted it to be simple. I was a selfish bastard, I knew that much, but I still wanted her to be afraid, like a deer. But she was making this so much more difficult than it had to be, it could easily be so simple, but this wretched bitch, as beautiful as she was, as interesting as I found her to be, was making her own demise a million times harder.
"You're just a boy." She said quietly.
Everything changed so quickly.
Bella shifted again and the bright moonlight spilled onto her tank top. I could tell she wasn't wearing a bra underneath what she wore to bed and the ache grew more intense. So intense that I couldn't bear it, the humanity side of me, the side that had another desire to fill than the primitive thirst for blood that still burned within me, was slowly winning. I launched myself at her in an instant and pressed my too eager lips against hers. I wanted her to scream, I wanted her to try and shove me off her but she didn't resist, her arousal grew more intense as I pressed myself against her. She had no idea that I meant what I said, that I had intended to kill her, to drain her blood, to take her life.
Had being the operative word. And that angered me further
I was a coward.
This new hunger overtook the old one and I felt Bella's small arms tighten around my neck holding me closer to her. If only she knew what I truly was, it would all be different. She would be dead, and I would have never heard her say my name that way again. A small moan escaped her and I was brought back to the present, my arousal quickly grew to match her own. She opened her mouth and my venom flooded my own mouth as well as her as our tongues danced. That's all my existence was, a dance between the monster and my humanity, and I had no idea at that moment who was winning.
"Why aren't you stopping me?" I growled. I wanted her to, I wanted her to plead,
"Why would I?" She replied. I growled loudly and picked her up from the bed. I repositioned her so that the moonlight flowed fully over her body. Not that this would hide anything I was doing, not that ti would hide my sins from view, I simply thought her pale skin was even more beautiful in the moonlight.
Beautiful. I was a monster but I was still an artist at heart.
Beautiful. I was calling her beautiful when I wanted to slaughter her.
I tore her tank top swiftly from her torso. She made no move to stop me. Stop me please! Dear God keep from this, don't let me feel this pleasure, make me kill you. But she made no move to stop me. I took a moment to look at her, I could have taken years. She was beautiful in the moonlight, certainly not a deer, certainly not an animal. A woman.
Her breasts were unlike anything I had ever seen, they were full and unflawed. I grazed my finger tips carefully over them, I could have crushed her so easily, they reacted to my touch and my jeans tightened again. A fuller moan escaped her throat and she blushed. The blood that warmed under her skin brought the monster out for a moment, it reminded me of what I had come here to do.
I wanted her to say my name, just say my name and it would all be over. I would have what I wanted and her life could end. Her small hands trembled lightly as they played at the buttons of my shirt, in a fit of humanity I ripped it easily away from me. She gasped lightly at the sight of me and I felt a little smug, she found me attractive.
In a blur of clothes being shed I finally found us both naked in front of each other. The scent of her arousal hit me full on and I almost came undone. My arousal was full and hard as I stared down at the girl in front of me, at Bella. I was angry that it had come to this, angry that I hadn't just slaughtered her outright, that I hadn't given into the monster that raged inside of me. I wanted it to be that way, I wanted her to die so quickly that she had no time to scream, no time to realize that her life was coming to a close, I had wanted to feel no guilt. She would have just been another hunt, another animal that I had drained to satiate my own hunger. But this, this was not what I was expecting, this was something totally different, something human.
Why hadn't Alice stopped me?
"It's okay." She said quietly. How wrong she was yet again, if only she knew how not okay this was. How this was not what I had intended in the least, I had not wanted to feel human. I wanted to feel the monster. I felt betrayed by myself.
"Edward?" She asked. Venom jumped into my mouth as I came as close as I had to her saying my name the way she had in her sleep. I was close, but I wasn't there yet. I hovered above her small form, she was so small, yet so exquisite in the moonlight. Exquisite, dear God I was calling my prey exquisite. I was so close to hearing my name again, I knew what I had to do.
"I'm sorry." I said. Why was I apologizing? Why I was saying I was sorry for causing her pain when I had wanted to kill her? I entered her swiftly and she winced in pain as I stole a part of her humanity from her. I felt the slight scent of blood and I could have crushed her. I should have crushed her, why the Hell didn't I? Why was my humanity slowly proving me wrong? She obviously didn't care as the look of pain was quickly replaced with a look of pleasure as she adjusted to me. She was slick, tight, and warm. God how warm she felt against the cold steel of my skin. It was unnatural how good this felt, how amazingly perfect she felt around me, how warm she made me feel.
I felt human and I felt wretched. She moaned again and I almost lost it, my hands tightened around her shoulders as I began to move slowly, rhythmic and careful. As her chest had been the metronome to her death march this slow, rhythmic pace was sure to be the metronome to my own demise. Though, if I was going out, this was a hell of a way to do it.
Beads of sweat began to develop on her chest and her breathing was becoming more erratic. Her skin was so smooth, so soft, and warm. I clutched at her and new that she would be bruised in the morning. She moaned time after time. I could feel myself inching closer to the edge, closer to that human feeling and I could sense that she was getting close as well. And then, it came, the thing I had been waiting for, the signal that it was okay to kill her, my name on her pouty lips,
"Edward." She breathed, she moaned. She should have been dead by now but she was still breathing, still living as we rocked back and forth. I should have snapped her neck in that instant but I didn't. Instead, I returned the sentiment,
"Bella." I moaned. I couldn't believe how human I sounded. Bella arched her back and my name fell from her lips again, and then she came undone. She tightened around me and her moans, and screams filled my ears. They should have been screams of terror, screams of her dying, but they were screams of pleasure, screams that I wanted to hear again and again many times over. Her warmth, and the sound of her voice, were enough to send me over the edge myself. It was like a drug, her voice, if I could hear my name on her lips this time, I could hear it on her lips again, time and time again. She didn't have to die.
The monster screamed in defeat. I felt confused. I had wanted her to die. It was supposed to be natural for me to kill her. And then, Bella spoke,
"See, you're just a man. A wonderful man." My world shattered. I wasn't a man, I wasn't a monster, I wasn't anything.
I leapt from the bed so quickly that I was afraid I had hurt her.
Why did I care? Why the fuck did I suddenly care?
I tore quickly from the room, from the house, barely managing to grab my pants and throw them on. I took off at a dead sprint away from Bella's house, away from my desires, into the woods.
I ran for a couple of miles before I stopped, before sobs overtook me, before my humanity crept into the scene and took me down.
I let out sob after tearless sob as I sat against a tree. The moonlight filtered in illuminated my hands, the hands that should have killed Bella Swan in one quick motion but that had, instead, held her shoulders as we made love, or had sex I wouldn't call it lovemaking, not yet. The hands that had grazed her breasts as she lay before me unafraid. I had wanted to kill her, I had wanted to drain her, but the humanity that still lingered inside of me had stopped me.
That must have been why Alice hadn't stopped me, she knew that I wouldn't kill her. She knew that I was still human enough to know when the desire to love would overpower the desire to kill. I wish she would have stopped me, it would have stopped my heart from feeling like it now did. I collapsed to the side like a child and sobbed again. I was confused, I was meant to be a monster but still felt human in the simplest sense of the word. I wanted to go to Italy, I wanted to die, but I also wanted to hear Bella again.
A strong pair of familiar arms pulled me up to a sitting position. I recognized him instantly.
"It's alright son, it'll be okay, don't worry. Shh, Edward, now stop this, stop acting ridiculous." He told me quietly as I still sobbed. I felt like a little boy, not a blood thirsty monster.
"I don't know what to feel. I'm supposed to be a monster, we're supposed to be a monster, we're not supposed to feel this. I don't know what to feel." I told him as I peered into his understanding eyes,
"What do you want to feel? There are no rules anywhere that tell us that we have to be monsters. That we aren't allowed to feel emotion. I love your mother, I feel fatherly toward you and your siblings, I feel amusement when Emmett breaks something. Those are all human emotions that we feel naturally. Edward, there are no rules anywhere that tell us what we can and cannot feel. I know what you did tonight son, Alice informed me I know that you gave into the simplest of human desires. It isn't a question of what you are supposed to feel but what you desire to feel." He told me. I knew what I wanted to feel, I knew what I wanted,
"Bella. Her voice, her skin." I whispered, "But she's so undeniably human that I'm afraid." I told him,
"In a way, Edward, we are all still human. You didn't kill her tonight because, deep down, you didn't want to. Because, maybe, you feel something more for her than you thought. We choose those we like son, with those we love, we have no say in the matter." Carlisle said. I looked up at him, he was right, he always was.
"Would you like to go home? I have a pretty good idea that there is someone there that really wants some answers from you." I looked at my father, he would never shun me, he would never cast me out, I was eternally grateful. I nodded, I was still shaken, I was still terrified that at any moment the monster would rear it's ugly head yet again and I would have to witness my humanity and my monster do battle again. But, for now,