Here it is, my first foray into fanfiction. By the way, I don't own anything "Twilight", I can only sigh and dream I do.
The stick showed two pink lines. Not even I could have kidded myself into thinking it was only one. There was the second one, insolent and bold. If I squinted my eyes it looked paler, but not really. The tears came soon after, blurring everything in front of me. Oh God, no no no. This is it, I thought, my life is over. What am I going to do? My sobs threatened to overcome me, so I pressed my hand over my mouth hard. They turned into a stifled choking, a sound more like a wounded animal than a human might make. Everything was too quiet around me, it was so late. If anyone heard me, they would think I was crazy. And they would probably be right.
Waiting for that stupid stick to tell me whether I was pregnant or not had been the longest, hardest two minutes of my life. I spent those two minutes reading the instructions on the box over and over, making sure that I would not misinterpret what I saw on the test. I'd thought it was bad enough going to a drugstore on Christmas Eve way out in Port Angeles just to buy a pregnancy test, but I'd had no idea this was how it would turn out. I had sat in the car for almost an hour in the freezing parking lot, getting up the courage to go up to the counter. And then that second line had appeared in the little window, next to the other pink stripe. In that moment, I felt something infinitesimal shift inside me, bending but not breaking. Then my heart started racing, my head pounded, and the crying began.
A thousand different thoughts swirled inside my mind, each fighting for my attention, but there was no room for anything except the telephone. I had to leave the bathroom to find it. I gripped the plastic indicator that had just turned my life upside down, tiptoeing out of the bathroom, even though I knew the bedroom door was also locked. I didn't know what I was going to tell him, or how. I was afraid of what he would say. Dammit, I hated talking on the phone. But it was three in the morning, and there was no one else to talk to. I reached for the telephone like it was a snake, ready to bite me. I decided to hide in my closet, and I locked the door behind me. I sat on the floor, not even bothering to turn on the light. The telltale stick lay next to me. I dialed his cell phone, knowing the number by heart; I didn't even need to look at the keys I was punching.
I heard it ring once, twice, three times… a fog tried to take over my mind, a gray cloud riddled with anxiety as the phone continued to ring, and there was no answer. I prayed it wouldn't go into voicemail. Nothing made me feel stupider than talking to a machine. I had to talk to him now; I needed to hear the only voice capable of rebuilding my world. Six, seven—
"This isn't happening, tell me it's not true…" His voice unraveled me completely, and I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth. I started crying in earnest now, and even though I knew I was scaring him, I couldn't help it. I tried to find the right words to start with, and my mind went blank. He probably thought somebody died. I wanted to die.
"Calm down, what's wrong?" His worried tone was enough to soothe me.
"Jacob, it's just that—that—I took this test, and it's positive, it's positive, I'm pregnant." First I didn't know what to say to him, and then I was repeating myself like an idiot.
"What? You're pregnant?" He sounded confused, and I didn't blame him.
"I took one of those home pregnancy tests, and there are two pink lines. The box says that means I'm pregnant, but sometimes these things are wrong. Should I take another one? Do I go to the doctor? What do I do?" I started to shake uncontrollably, the phone threatened to slip from my sweaty hands. Cold shivers ran down my back, and I wasn't sure whether it was the shock or actual cold. Stupid marble floors.
"No, no, wait. Calm down." Jacob inhaled slowly and exhaled. God, all I needed was for him to break down too. I could barely deal with my semi-controlled hysteria; I couldn't handle his as well. "Everything's going to be fine, don't worry. Take it easy, Bella. Tell me." His voice only shook slightly; that was good, very good.
"They're going to kill me, they're going to kill me! I'll have to leave the house, they'll kick me out, and I have nowhere to go! I don't have any money. I'll have to quit school, Jacob, and then how am I going to get a job?" There they were, those thoughts that were stalking me, waiting for me to acknowledge them in my panic. I banged my head softly against my knees, while fresh tears coursed down my face.
"Bella, it's okay. Don't cry." He sounded fairly calm. I wondered how he could manage that. Maybe he wasn't really listening, or was in a better state of denial than I was. "You're not alone in this, I'm here with you. Listen to me, okay? We're in this together. Pretend—where are you now?"
"In my closet, on the floor." Sweet relief flooded through me, my voice slightly stronger. He hadn't hung up on me; he was still talking to me. This was still good.
"Okay, pretend I'm right there with you now, and I'm holding your hand." I could hear the smile implicit in his tone. "So tell me, what are you worried about?"
"You're not mad?" I hated to ask, but I had to know.
"No, I'm not mad. Actually, believe it or not, I think I'm kind of happy." Jacob laughed a little, but then seemed to remember that I was not-so-quietly freaking out. "Is that all?"
"No, of course it's not all!" I hissed. "What am I—what are we going to do? I think I told you this before, but all that talk about a woman's right to choose and everything; you know that an abortion is not the choice for me, right?" There, I'd said it.
"I know, we're not discussing that. But tell me, what do you think we should do?"
"That's just it, I don't know. When do I tell my parents? God, how do I tell my parents?" I started crying again, those annoying, choked little whimpers. "What if they throw me out of the house?" I put my hand over my eyes, in a futile attempt to check the tears.
"They're not going to throw you out."
"You obviously don't know them enough to guarantee that. It's a possibility that I have to consider. Where am I going to live?" Where are we going to live, I corrected myself mentally. There were two of us now. I tried to wipe the tears away, but my pajama sleeve was already soaked.
"Well, if you're really that worried, you know that you can always come and stay with me," Jacob suggested calmly.
"And what will Billy say?" It suddenly occurred to me that they might be more tolerant than mine, having already been through something similar with Jacob's sister, Rachel.
"He already has two grandchildren; I hardly think one more would be news to him." Jacob was evidently thinking along the same lines. I was glad that he was being so easy about this, even though it had to have caught him off guard.
"Okay, if you're so sure." I took a deep breath to steady myself. "And what do I do about the rest?" I stretched my legs out in front of me, the uncomfortable pins-and-needles feeling already settled in. I leaned my head against the closet wall and closed my eyes. The sense of sudden relief had left me weak and hollow. I didn't understand the hollowness, but I would take it willingly if it came with a reprieve from my fears.
"The rest?" Jacob sighed softly. "The rest takes care of itself. If you have to, you can come live with me—with my family, I mean—and, we will see about your studies. You can use my car, I can get a job in town, and so on, and so on. What else do you want to worry about?"
What else indeed. "I don't know, maybe the fact that I'm going to have a baby. A baby, me! I'm barely into my twenties, I'm not married, I haven't graduated, and this isn't fair!" I felt I was being irrational, but I couldn't help it. Life certainly wasn't about being fair.
"You can't really use the word fair, you know. I'm in the same boat as you, for the most part, so please calm down. We are having a baby, and it will be alright. Do you trust me?"
"Yes." I sighed, and a fresh wave of tears streamed down. We were having a baby. Saying it out loud, hearing it from his lips started to seep through my denial.
"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep, alright? For both of you." I could still hear the smile in Jacob's voice, and somehow these words managed to seize my panic and hold it down.
"I'll try. I love you."
I held the phone tightly in my right hand, my left searching blindly for the test stick. My fingers found it and squeezed it in a fist. It was going to be a long wait till morning. Somehow, things still felt only half-resolved. We hadn't really come to an agreement on anything, or made any solid decisions. That bothered me, lying like a heavy coat on my shoulders. But it was still too early in the game for that yet. We would have almost nine months to talk about things, I told myself.
I had no idea how I was able to sleep that night. After I wrapped the box holding the indicator in a plastic bag and hid it in a drawer, I just curled up in my bed and let my misery have me. I cried for me, for my baby, for my family, for everything that was going to change. I kept trying to distract my mind, to think about anything but the fact that there were now two of us lying on the bed. Exhausted from all that crying, I finally fell asleep. I knew I would never be the same Bella who slept in this bed again.
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