note: nothing to see here. I need a better sense of humor.

yes, this is a failed attempt at a slice of life.


"You really are an asshole, yeah," Deidara said, uncomfortable and awkward and half sitting on Kakuzu's lap.

"You're one to talk," Hidan began sulkily, "You can get your leg reattached anytime, but I'll need to fucking regrow my hair, you son of a bitch."

"Shut up." Kakuzu was not emotionally equipped to handle two squabbling morons at once. "Both of you. And Hidan, give that back."

"Oh, fuck you," Hidan glared from underneath Kakuzu's stolen headgear. "You don't need this."

"I'm sure your god won't mind your ugly, charred hair, Hidan," Deidara drawled, pronouncing the last syllable of Hidan's name in a manner that was entirely too infuriating.

A burst of threads barely managed to restrain Hidan from ridding Deidara of his other leg.

"I said," Kakuzu growled, "shut up. I won't hesitate to sew you two together."

This, luckily, achieved the desired effect. Kakuzu nodded in satisfaction, returning to his work. "If you don't stop squirming, your leg will be crooked."

Hidan snorted. "Make it crooked anyway."

"Shut up, Hidan, un—"

Kakuzu sighed, threads creeping out from under his cloak. Hidan and Deidara were more tolerable when tied and gagged.

It was blissfully silent after that.