The standard disclaimers apply. This is the product of a slightly goofy mood this morning—the story came into my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down. Hope you enjoy. I've been told I should issue a spew alert, so you've been alerted.
4247 Maplewood Dr.
Sunday, April 12, 1998
"Dad what's a Brazilian wax?"
Luckily Lee managed to keep a hold of his coffee cup, but the coffee that had been in his mouth just a moment ago was now splattered across his newspaper. He put the cup back down on the table and folded the paper beside it. His nine-year-old daughter was sitting on the family room floor beside a cardboard box, dark eyes staring at him expectantly.
"What was that, munchkin?" he asked her, managing to keep his voice as calm as possible.
Jenna sighed. "I just asked you, what's a Brazilian—"
Lee held up his hand to silence her. "I heard that part," he said. "Where on earth did you get a question like that?"
Jenna held up a piece of paper. "From this."
Lee swallowed hard. "What is it?"
"A letter that I found in this box—you know how Mom said I could look through the boxes in your closet to find stuff for my collage?"
"Mmm-hmm," Lee felt his apprehension rising as he listened. It was like facing a tornado—you knew it was headed in your direction but when you were looking at it all you could do was stare helplessly.
"Well there was this letter in your box," Jenna said. "It's from 1979 so I guess it's pretty old—from someone named Candi but she misspells her name with an 'i' instead of a y."
"Candi?" Lee choked out.
Before he could stop her Jenna began to read the letter out loud. "My darling Lee, I'm so excited about our trip to Australia. Yesterday I went and got some special supplies. I can't wait for your sensuous fingers to rub these massage oils into my skin. I also got a Brazilian wax at the spa yesterday, which should make things much more interest—
Overcoming his temporary paralysis Lee stood up from the table and snatched the paper from Jenna's hand. "We don't need to hear any more of that."
"Why?" Lee played around with several answers before settling on one. "Because—ah—because I say so, that's why. It was a very long time ago, and you--well you shouldn't be reading this kind of thing."
"But it's not bad, it just doesn't make any sense," Jenna said. "Why would you get a Brazilian wax to go to Australia anyway? Wouldn't you get an Australian wax instead?"
"I'm not listening, munchkin." Lee put his fingers in his ears. "See? Not listening."
"You can't do that, it's not fair!" Jenna said. His fingers still in his ears, Lee started to hum.
" But Daaaadd…."