The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has gone to the dentists. Just a mad fic from my mad mind.

Dental Disasters

"Have I told you how much I hate you lately?" Hank growled at Logan as he staggered into the kitchen. His hair was disheveled and his clothes had slime on dirt on them.

"Have fun Beast?" Logan smirked. He was sitting with Ororo in the kitchen drinking coffee.

"Does it look like I had an enjoyable time?" Hank barked. He got a cup of coffee in it. "I swear if this keeps up we are going to need shots of bourbon to go with our coffee."

"I would have gone with you Hank but I had to go with Jean to register for college," Ororo said.

"And I just didn't want to go," Logan said. "I mean, take the Brotherhood out to the dentist for a checkup? Since when did babysitting them become our job? Why didn't Magneto do it himself?"

"Because he's smart that's why!" Hank said as he sat down.

"I'm all for cooperation between our two teams," Ororo said. "But taking them to the dentist? I don't know how Magneto conned Charles into letting him pay for the bill. I suppose the Brotherhood put up quite a resistance?"

"Oh no! They all came willingly!" Hank said. "They were all ready to go and couldn't wait to get there, which should have been my first indication that today was going to be a disaster."

"The Brotherhood wanted to go to the dentist?" Ororo asked.

"All but Avalanche but he'd already been knocked unconscious before I got there so transporting him was rather easy," Hank sighed. "It was when he woke up that was the problem."

"Is the building still standing?" Logan asked.

"Barely," Hank groaned. "He woke up in the dentist's chair. Apparently Quicksilver thought it was funny to trick Lance into watching the movie 'Marathon Man' the day before."

"I think I can picture it," Ororo winced.

"Fortunately as he tried to run away he slipped on some of Toad's slime and hit his head on the wall," Hank said. "Knocking himself out."

"Toad's slime?" Ororo asked. "Let me guess, Toad panicked too?"

"No, but the dentist did," Hank sighed. "It's the first time I've ever seen an assistant bribe a dentist with a lollypop in order to get to work on a patient. One look at Toad's mouth and he started screaming for a priest."

"Yeah I can't say I blame him," Logan said.

"He had no cavities because apparently his slime has some kind of natural cavity preventing agent," Hank sighed. "However the dentist kept hitting some kind of reflex that caused him to spew slime. A lot of slime."

"Oh dear," Ororo winced.

"And of course Toad's teeth were the color of the highway system of Oz so the doctor kept trying to clean them and kept hitting that reflex," Hank said. "And well I think you can guess what kept happening."

"Yeah I can picture it," Logan winced.

"A lot of slime. So much slime…" Hank sighed. "And the fact that one of the dental assistants was a bit of a neat freak didn't help matters. Nor the fact that Toad has a slight gas problem at the time."

"Enough! We get it!" Logan snapped.

Hank paused a moment. "Not to mention Toad had a few cockroaches for breakfast and he likes to chew on them. So little pieces were stuck in…"

"Hank!" Logan said. "We get the picture! Vividly!"

Hank sighed. "I'll never forget the look on that poor assistant's face when they flossed out that antennae…"

"Enough!" Ororo was starting to feel queasy. "What about the rest of the Brotherhood?"

"Blob was rather easy," Hank said. "Apparently the boy brushes after almost every meal. In other words no piece of tartar ever had a chance for survival in his mouth. Other than the fact that he took an entire bowl full of gum instead of one stick he was rather well behaved."

"That's good," Ororo said.

"Unfortunately dentist chairs are not built to accommodate mutants of Mr. Duke's girth," Hank said.

"We're getting a bill for that too huh?" Logan asked.

"That and a few holes in the wall and a burnt plant or two," Hank moaned. "It appears the doctor had one of those miniature pineapple plants growing in his office. And we all know how Pyro feels about pineapples!"

"Oh yeah," Logan groaned.

"But the real fun didn't start until Pietro was in the chair," Hank took a sip of his drink. "And the dentist found a cavity."

"Oh ho ho…" Logan chuckled. "This story just got a whole lot better!"

"And a lot more dramatic!" Hank said. "The little drama freak put up a performance worthy of the cheesiest electric chair victim movie. Which you would have thought that's where he was if you didn't know what was going on. And apparently Lance forgot…"

"Oh no…" Ororo winced.

"Oh yes," Hank said. "And when Wanda was in the other room getting her teeth checked out all the shaking and screaming somehow triggered some kind of flashback and she had an episode that caused nearly every single piece of equipment to move around like it was inside a twister!"

"Wanda regained her memories?" Ororo was startled.

"Not really," Hank said. "As soon as it began it was over and she forgot the whole thing. Unfortunately neither the dentist nor any of his assistants will ever forget this day and will be rehashing it in therapy for the rest of their lives."

"I take it it's safe to say that dentist won't ever treat mutants again?" Logan asked.

"He won't be treating anyone ever again," Hank said. "The man was so traumatized he quit his practice on the spot! The next thing he knew he was running off to Hawaii to go paint coconuts for a living. And the Brotherhood was helping themselves to toothbrushes and cotton balls."

"Well at least it's over," Logan said.

"Uh not for you," Hank said as he got up. "I asked Charles to let me tell you this, but you are going to take the kids out to get their checkups this afternoon. Oh and I told Kitty she could drive the X-Van!"

"WHAT?" Logan shot up.

"Apparently dentists 'creep her out to the max' so she wanted to drive to calm her nerves," Hank chuckled as he walked away. "Oh word of warning, Berserker isn't much of a fan of dentists. Neither is Boom Boom, Rogue, or Iceman. And Amara has never been to a modern dentist before. And she's afraid of sharp metal objects in her mouth. Have fun. Ta!"

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Logan shot up. "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! CHARLES!" Logan ran off.

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Hank laughed manically as he ran off.

Ororo slumped in her seat. "And people keep wondering why the cost of health care keeps going up?"