Title: Eavesdropping

Author: blue-crystal-9

Rating: T (Teen).

Characters/Pairing: Matsumoto, Renji, Kira, Hitsugaya, Hinamori. Hitsugaya/Hinamori.

Summary: Matsumoto comes home from drinking late at night and overhears something from her captain's room.

Warnings: Innuendo and implications. And language. ;)

Spoilers: If you haven't see episode 60.

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach. Tite Kubo does. I am not gaining any profit from this; I am purely using it for entertainment purposes only. If this fic actually was in the Bleach storyline, it would take a million years to get there because we haven't seen Hinamori in like, 879832 episodes. -huffs- ;)

Author's Note: Weirdly enough, I was sort of happy with how this turned out. Usually I'm more nervous with fics, as I'm usually afraid they're horrible. This one just made me laugh way too much. ;) Oh, and this takes place in the very far future, way after all the Aizen/Hueco Mundo stuff is said and done, because… yeah. You'll see when you read. ;) Oh, and this also posted on my accounts on livejournal at the hitsuhina community and MediaMiner.

This makes me want to both go hide and to giggle hysterically. Eh, anyway…

Eavesdropping

Matsumoto skipped -or rather, stumbled- her way towards the Tenth Division quarters. She had just left the weekly Vice Captain post meeting drinking party, and she was a bit tipsy. Then again, she was a lot less affected by her alcohol consumption than usual. She'd had a lot more to drink than Renji and he'd been completely plastered. When'd they all left, he'd muttered something about, "Damn monkey, took my banana!" and then he'd ran off into the darkness. Matsumoto wondered vaguely where he'd be in the morning; once he'd woken up on Kukichi-taicho's porch with absolutely no idea how he'd gotten there. And the only reason he'd woken up was because Kukichi-taicho had stepped on him on his way to work that morning. Needless to say, Kukichi-taicho had been pissed.

As Matsumoto shuffled past her captain's quarters, she heard a muffled moan. She froze mid-step, and whipped around as quickly as she could in her unstable position. She frowned at the door, but didn't hear anything else. Shrugging, she turned around and continued down the hallway.

Suddenly, there was another moan. She turned to look at the door again, confusion evident on her face. Maybe her captain was having a nightmare or something…?

Matsumoto heard another moan, but this one sounded more of the female variety. She frowned again. Why would there be a girl in her captain's room at this time of night?

Suddenly, it clicked in her alcohol fogged mind. He was having sex. Matsumoto's eyes widened and she slapped a hand over her mouth. Holyshitholyshitholyshit! Her captain. Hitsugaya-taicho, the most grumpy and snarky captain of the entire Gotei 13 squad captains (excluding Kukichi-taicho, as he was just a snobby son-of-a-bitch) was getting it on.

Matsumoto shuffled closer to his quarters, and cocked her ear towards the door.

Oh yeah, he was definitely having sex.

She took a few steps backward, suddenly fearful that he might realize she was outside his door. She hid her reiatsu quickly, hoping to God he hadn't sensed her. If he found out that she knew, she would be fucked.

Not literally, of course.

Then again, what could he do? It wasn't like he could kill her or anything, as Yamamoto would be totally pissed if he did (She of course, was forgetting in her current drunken state that he could shove the dreaded paperwork on her). Exuberant over this new found discovery, Masumoto giddily wondered who he was doing it with and then mentally slapped herself. Hinamori, obviously. He was head over heels for her; there was no one else he even noticed. It had to be Hinamori. She concentrated and sensed Hinamori's reiatsu in the next room. Yes, it was definitely Hinamori.

Hinamori had left right after the vice captain's meeting too, instead of drinking with them. Not that she drank much anyway. She had said she was tired….and apparently she'd gone to do something much more fun. With Hitsugaya.

And about fucking time, too. They'd been dancing around each other for decades and decades. Her captain had been in love with Hinamori for a very long time, perhaps even before they'd entered the Gotei 13 Protection Squads. Hinamori had been so enamored with Aizen she hadn't noticed, although it had been painfully obvious to everyone else, especially after Aizen had stabbed her. Hitsugaya hadn't nearly lost his life for someone he only felt friendship for. Then it had taken Hinamori years to get over Aizen, to be rid of the dark cloud of depression and guilt and self deprecation that had hung over her. And the reason she had gotten over it was mostly because of Hitsugaya. He had stayed by her side as much possible, refusing to let her be alone in the dark with her sad feelings. It had been a long, hard journey and he hadn't given up, although many times Matsumoto had walked in on him brooding, presumably over Hinamori. But she had gotten over Aizen, although she would never quite have the same spark in her eyes again. She was much more cheerful and happy now, however.

As the years had past, both of them had grown up. Hitsugaya was finally taller than Matsumoto, which she hated because now he could both scowl at her and tower threateningly over her. Hinamori too, had blossomed into a beautiful young woman. And as they had grown, their feelings had as well. They had been flirting with each other for ages, and on more than one occasion many of the vice captains and captains had taken to discussing their relationship while Hitsugaya and Hinamori weren't in the room. Many of them grumbled about the fact that they still hadn't admitted their feelings to each other. Matsumoto vividly remembered Hisagi saying exasperatedly after a collaborative captain/vice captain meeting (in which all Hinamori and Hitsugaya had done the entire time was stare at each other), "Would the two of them stop having eye sex with each other already and get it over with!"

Well apparently, they finally had.

Matsumoto clenched her jaw to contain her giggle. She was both extremely amused and gleeful. She'd been hoping that one of them would get up the nerve and admit their feelings practically since day one. And they finally had.

She smirked at her captain's door one last time, and pranced (rather clumsily because of her drunkenness) down the hall towards her room. As soon as she slid her door shut, a thought entered her mind that had her bursting out laughing in rather loud giggles that she unsuccessfully tried to squelch.

She was so proud of her captain. He's finally lost his virginity and become a man. Maybe he'd be less… scowly if he was getting some. Matsumoto giggled uncontrollably again at the thought.

God, she'd better remember this in the morning!


It turned out that she did, in fact, remember it in the morning. But her amusement over it was largely overshadowed by the pounding headache she was currently experiencing from her hangover.

She stumbled blurrily into the dinning hall for breakfast and spotted Renji at a table a few feet away. He was lying there with his head on the table and looked even worst than Matsumoto felt. Then again, he had been rather plastered last night.

She slid into the chair across from him a few minutes later with her bowl of cereal (which was the only thing she could stomach right now) and cup of tea. "So, where did you end up last night?"

"You don't want to know." Renji muttered, turning red.

Alrighty then. Matsumoto just managed to restrain herself from giggling.

Kira sat down at their table with his tray of food. "Good morning."

"Shut up!" Both Matsumoto and Renji had croaked irritably at exactly the same.

"What?" Kira asked, confused.

"The frequency of your voice hurts my ears." Matsumoto mumbled pathetically.

Renji squinted blurrily at him, "Yeah, man. Did you ever realize how squeaky your voice is? You sound like a twelve year old girl."

Kira looked slightly hurt, which annoyed Matsumoto even further. "I hate that you're not hung over at all."

"Well, I only had a few drinks, unlike the two of you." Kira said petulantly.

Matsumoto made a rude gesture to Kira, which made Renji laugh. Kira just sniffed irritably.

Out of the corner of her eye, Matsumoto saw Hinamori and Hitsugaya enter the dinning hall. Together.

Oh yeah…right. Matsumoto immediately choked on her tea, and when she could breathe again she started laughing. Rather hysterically. People were looking at her strangely.

"What?" Renji asked.

Once her laughter had subsided to giggles, Matsumoto answered. "I have a secret. About my captain and Hinamori."

"Oh, excellent! What is it?" Renji asked excitedly and Kira leaned in closer, curious.

"You have to swear you won't say anything to anyone. It stays between us, because if it gets out my captain will kill me." Matsumoto said, looking at the two men. Renji, she knew, was notorious for blurting out secrets.

They both nodded. "Sure, we swear." Renji said.

"Okay." She took a deep breath, and said in a whisper, "They totally slept together last night. I was walking past my captain's room after drinks last night, and I heard them. I almost lost it."

Renji and Kira both burst out laughing. "Oh my God!" Renji guffawed. "It's about freaking time!"

Matsumoto snickered. "I know. I was so proud of Hitsugaya-taicho."

Renji laughed again. "He's finally become a man!"

Matsumoto giggled. "That's what I thought!"

Renji suddenly grinned wickedly, looking at something over Matsumoto's shoulder. "I'll be right back." He pushed back his chair and stood up. She turned around and watched him maneuver his way around tables and then her eyes widened when she realized where he was headed.

Oh no.

Matsumoto scrambled out of her seat and rushed after Renji, tripping over several chairs in the process. She had to stop him. "Renji, no! You promised you wouldn't say anything!" She hissed, tugging on his sleeve, trying and failing to stop him from going any closer to their table.

"I didn't promise I wouldn't say anything to them." He muttered back, grinning.

She was so dead.

Once Matsumoto and Renji had reached their table (with Kira trailing behind them), Hinamori and Hitsugaya stopped their conversation and looked at them, curious.

Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod!

"Good morning!" Hinamori said cheerfully to them.

She wasn't going to be cheerful much longer, if Renji opened his mouth.

"'Morning." Renji replied, grinning mischievously. "So Hinamori, is he as big people speculate he his?" He gestured to Hitsugaya.

Hinamori looked confused. "…What?"

"You know, his penis. You should know, after last night and all."

The room suddenly went very quiet.

Oh fuck.

Matsumoto slapped her forehead with her hand. Stupid, stupid Renji! When was she going to learn that she can't tell him anything?

Hinamori turned bright red and started stuttering incomprehensibly. Hitsugaya, on the other hand, turned pale and his eyes widened with shock and fury. "How did you-" He snapped out and then his gaze landed on Matsumoto, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

Oh double fuck.

"Matsumoto." He growled.

Matsumoto suddenly felt very, very afraid. "I-I didn't mean to!" She squeaked out, and pointed at Kira. "It was Kira's fault!"

"It was not!" Kira shrieked. Wow, his voice really did sound like a twelve year old girl's…

Matsumoto then noticed that her captain was shaking with fury, his eye twitching. Uh oh.

"MATSUMOTO!" He roared.

Matsumoto jumped, and grabbed onto Kira and Renji's uniforms. "Run for your life!" She screeched, and the three of them sped away, running as fast as their legs could carry them.

Unfortunately for them, an extremely furious Hitsugaya was hot on their tails.

Needless to say, Matsumoto had a lot of paperwork to do after that.

The End.


AN2: This was originally going to just have Matsumoto giggling drunkenly over it, but then somehow Renji came into the picture and then the story went in a completely different direction. ;) Oh, and I actually do like Kira, despite all the bashing I do of him in this fic. He's just too easy to pick on… poor guy. ;)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and reviews would be great! :)