Ok, this one is totally not as funny as the others, it's just House being an ass. And it's mostly the public finding out, not a particular character. And I seriously don't mean to offend anyone (unless you voted for Prop 8 and/or are anti-gay. Then you can be as offended as you want). Umm... I think that's it.
"But Mommy... I don't wanna do clinic..." House whined at Cuddy in her office obnoxiously.
"If the patients don't want to deal with you, then don't impose yourself upon them. Otherwise, pick a file."
House sighed and looked out at the clinic, the evil place that he was bound to, unless he could figure out a way to annoy enough patients before he treated them... House had an idea.
"OK, Mommy. I'll go make the nice people avoid me."
"Good bye, House" Cuddy said, condescending in her own special way.
House strode out of the office impressively, even with his cane. He stood in the middle of the patients and turned around once, looking at all of them.
"Hello." He said, very neutrally for House. "My name is Gregory House. I only treat the most tolerant patients that I can find. No meanies for me. Would you all please stand up?"
The people shuffled uncomfortably before standing up as asked, all probably running through the possibilities of what this strange doctor would say and whether or not they should shield their children's ears.
"Now, who here has read Leviticus?"
Most of the people raised their hands tentatively. Only one family kept their hands down; House saw that the woman was in a headscarf.
"Who here believes that eating shellfish is an abomination?" Everyone lowered their hands. "No one? Don't be shy, my buddy Jimmy doesn't eat it." Still, no one raised their hands.
"OK, then, who here thinks gay people are 'mentally challenged' and/or demons and/or an abomination to the Lord?"
Again, no one raised their hands, though a couple people shuffled around a bit.
"It's OK, no one will judge you."
A few hands went up.
"OK, you with your hands up, sit down." The people sat down.
"If you would vote against gay marriage, sit down."
A few more people – maybe six or eight, out of twenty five - sat down.
"If you would care at all if your doctor was black or gay, sit down." Only one person sat down in response to this.
The kids were all watching him intently, awed by his sway over their parents, but also a little scared by the same thing. House saw this, and he also saw Chase enter the clinic, presumably to tell him something about their case. House knew his time was come to escape.
"Chase!" He called. The blond hurried over and started to speak.
"House, the blood test came back -" That was as far as he got. House kissed him squarely, right in front of everybody. When they parted several seconds later, Chase finished as though nothing had happened. It was part of his job, as boyfriend/employee. "- negative. No infection."
"I'll be right there; I just have to finish getting out of clinic."
Chase grinned and walked off unapologetically.
"Now," House continued, grinning at a thirteen year old with a cold and laughter in her eyes, "Who's first?"
The remaining adults sat down abruptly. House waved and left, sticking his tongue out at Cuddy, who was going off, looking only a little bit shell-shocked, but very, very pissed off, to quiet the patients. House caught the very beginning of what she was saying through the swinging clinic door.
"I'm terribly sorry..." House chuckled and stuck his head back in.
"No she's not," He yelled. "She's laughing on the inside."
Oh, and I know Wilson doesn't follow Kosher, but House would lie to get people to answer. So there.