"Doris Gets Drunk"
Written By
Mark Moore

Author's note: The following story is a scene that I had written for my VHD story, "Second Chance" (back when I was calling it "Together Forever". While i was writing it, I realized that it was too silly, so I posted it to the Vampire Hunter D mailing list at Yahoo! Groups and deleted most of it from the story.

I came up with the idea for the club after viewing the scene in the movie where Greco is on the street with three girls. I had read that one of the girls is Kei from "The Dirty Pair". I also read that Kenshiro from "Fist of the North Star" is in that scene, and, not having seen the anime, mistakenly assumed it was one of the girls (oops). I named the third girl Christy after Christy Marx, the head writer and developer of the "Jem" TV series. Anyway, in that scene, there is a building in the background with a lit sign that reads "Hit Paradise". I had no clue was it was and decided to make it a club in my story.

On Saturday, November 10, 2001, sometime after I had finished the final draft of "Second Chance", I was watching my VHD DVD (VHDVD?) with the Japanese audio track and the English subtitles. When I saw the street scene, I paused the DVD. After the shot of the building with the sign that read "Hit Paradise", there's a shot of a building that reads "Hit" and a smaller sign that reads "Bar". There's a building to the left that is apparently connected to the "Hit" building. On that building is a sign that reads "Dance Club"! Whoa! I'm good! This, like, means something! I was, like, destined to be a VHD fanfic author! Uh,...yeah.

I posted this scene to the mailing list on the evening of (I believe) Tuesday, February 6, 2001. The time/date stamp reads "Wed Feb 7, 2001 12:58 am", but it's never an accurate record of when I post messages. The message number is 1294. Now that I know that Hit Paradise does in fact have a bar, I realize that I should've kept the part where Doris gets drunk in the final draft of "Second Chance". Oh, well. Feedback appreciated! Enjoy!

- Wednesday, November 14, 2001, 5:30 PM.

Doris, Lamika, and Dan rode into town in their wagon. Doris parked in front of Hit Paradise.
They entered the dance club. It was pretty lively. Couples were on the dance floor, having a great time, while Kei, Kenshiro, and Christy stood on the stage, singing one of the ancient songs:


Doris, Lamika, and Dan walked up to the counter and sat on stools.
"A glass of wine, please." Doris said.
The bartender eyed Doris and Lamika coldly.
Doris took a coin out of her pocket and placed it on the counter. "I want some wine, damn it."
"Cheapskate." The bartended filled up a glass with 12090 wine.
Doris picked up the glass, tilted her head back, and downed all the wine in a few gulps.
"Aaahhh..." Doris put the glass back down on the counter and wiped her mouth with the back of her left hand.
Lamika looked worriedly at her. "Doris, don't you think you've had a bit too much?"
Doris was feeling a little tipsy. "Nah, I'm fine." She stood up and walked over to the stage. "Hey, you're singing it wrong!"
"Oh, dear God, no." Dan turned away from her.
"What do you mean?" Christy asked Doris. "We've been singing it this way for years."
Doris walked up on the stage. "Look, I come from a long line of musicians. I own that song. Give me your guitar."
Christy took off her guitar and handed it to Doris. "Okay, show us how to sing it."
"Nah, I don't feel like it." Doris told her. "I'm gonna do an impersonation."
"I don't know her." Dan claimed to whomever would listen.
"Okay, but make it quick. I've got a new band booked to perform in a few minutes." Christy told Doris.
Kei, Kenshiro, and Christy took a few steps to their right to give Doris some room.
"Does she do this often?" Lamika asked Dan.
"Every time we come here." Dan told her.
Doris hung the guitar from her body and faced the audience, standing directly in front of the microphone. "Hello, I'm Stevie Nicks. Do you like the music of my band, Fleetwood Mac? And do you like fajitas, flautas, casadias, and all the Tex-Mex specialties? Then come on down to my new restaurant in Sedona, Arizona - Stevie Nicks' Fajita Round-Up. In the '70s, I dedicated myself to witchcraft, and Lindsey Buckingham, and cocaine. But now I use that same energy and dedication to bring you an affordable dining experience you'll never forget." Doris started playing the guitar and sang:

"Chicken fajitas taste real fine.
Wouldn'tcha love to eat them?
Hot chips and salsa mighty fine.
No one 'round hear can beat them."

Doris stopped singing. "At my restaurant, I'll be singing some of my classic songs that made me famous, while serving up some of the finest Tex-Mex food in the Southwest, like my house specialty, Burrito Dreams." She started singing again:

"Now, here you go again: you say
You want burritos.
I sure hope you can keep 'em down.

It's only a flour tortilla