Ten v. SpongeBob

INT. TARDIS

Ten is leaning against the wall, watching Rose as she washes the dinner dishes.

Ten: What's that you're singing?

Rose: Huh?

Ten: You're singing something under your breath, what is it?

Rose: I am?

Ten: (exasperatedly) Yes!

Rose: (looks befuddled) Erm… Can you hum a bit of it for me?

Ten hums a few bars, as always his memory is flawless and he's perfectly on key. What else would you expect?

Rose: (pensively) Hmm…

Ten: Well?

Rose: Oh! It's the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song.

Ten: The… WHAT?!

Rose: It's a cartoon – but, you know, one of those cartoons that they say is for kiddies but really is for adults…

Ten: (pulls a face) But… but… Sponge-what?

Rose: SpongeBob SquarePants. Honestly! Do you live in a cave?

Ten: Rose! I can't know everything, can I?

Rose: I won't touch that with a ten-foot pole. But seriously, SpongeBob is an over-optimistic, extremely annoying and very, um, clean character who lives in the ocean. He and his companions usually get into loads of mischief… Come to think of it, he rather reminds me of someone I know… (Rose's eyes narrow as she inspects Ten in an unexpected and totally new light)

Ten: (!)

Rose: Anywho, his main companion is a dim-witted but loyal pink starfish named Patrick. His other companion is Squidward, a cranky, ambiguous, and sometimes brutal purple octopus.

Ten: (suspiciously) Any chance did Jack have something to do with the creation of this show?

Rose: (contemplates for a moment) Ah, no, I don't think so… Maybe? Oh, and SpongeBob has a pet snail named Gary whose only sound is "meow." And they live in a…

Ten: (turns as if to leave) Okay Rose, thanks. Thanks for sharing.

Rose: Oh! But don't you want to hear the theme song?

Ten: (stops in mid-step) No… No, I don't think so.

Rose: (ignoring him)

Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SpongeBob SquarePants!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

Ten: That's okay, Rose, really… That's enough.

Rose: (louder; continuing to ignore him)

SpongeBob SquarePants!
If nautical nonsense be something you wish...

Ten: Argh! (starts running)

Rose: (louder still)

SpongeBob SquarePants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
Ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob... SquarePants! Hahahahahahah…

As the sound of The Doctor's hasty footfalls fades, Rose continues to laugh.

Author's note:

I don't own 'em but I love 'em both. Meow!