Check this out…two updates in one month….I need a prize….

HUGE thanks to all that have stuck with me this far and still leaving me little bits of love here and there….and for all the new kids that have found this disaster somewhere….you are all win….

Big bottle of Merlot to vixen1836 for her beta brilliancy…

EPOV

The remainder of the drive back to Bella's apartment from the restaurant was….torture. Dinner was an interesting event; it was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. From dirty word games to making out; my mother would be proud. Not that I was going to tell her, God only knew encouragement in the way of my personal life was the last thing she needed.

Ah, Bella and her drunken adorability factor. I knew what she was doing when she started to play that word game at the table. It was sexier than hell to hear those words tumble from her lips. I had heard them before countless times in various settings, but they weren't words that normally appealed to me vocally. Sure, I could think them in the privacy of my own mind; maybe even say them out loud in the proper setting. But they certainly weren't included in my everyday vernacular like Emmett.

I couldn't resist teasing her a little bit along the way as well, offering non-sexual answers at first. That is, until she said 'fuck'. I answered with 'me' before I could stop myself. The night had only progressed from there, complete with a few bumps in the road thanks to my touching issues and her nasty roommate, Rose. Rose…

Bella seemed to be quite fond of Rose, even telling me she was really sweet once one got to know her. Sweet was not the adjective I would personally pick for that wretched little tart, but I was willing to try for Bella. Rosalie already loathed me from her assumptions she had made. That and the fact she had been exposed to my family's insanity first hand. I'm not sure that I would be very impressed with me either, but her methods of disapproval were a tad extreme.

Tad? The woman is completely and utterly crazy, and scarier than hell. Your balls shrink just to think about her.

I absentmindedly looked down at my lap to see if this was in fact, truth. My balls might be shrunken, but my dick certainly was not. I had been painfully hard for quite some time now and had given up trying to hide it. Bella had noticed right away early on in the evening. But then, so did Rosalie.

The second she opened the door her eyes made a beeline for my groin area. Disapproval and annihilation were written all over her face. She all but yanked me inside the apartment, whisking me away to what I realized was her bedroom. The room was cold and impersonal, much like Rosalie. A quick glance around confirmed what I was already aware of. This was not a woman to mess with. Ever.

In the midst of her threat and wiring me up with the promise of listening to my date with Bella, the "kit" she had rolled out on her bed was full of contraband items I recognized from a Dateline special. That should have been an erection killer right there, but it wasn't. Although I was painfully aware of the fact that I still had the damn thing, I looked down for physical confirmation.

Damnit, Esme. You are a strange little woman.

Despite it all, the panic and suffering I had experienced throughout the night when I would remember Big Mob-Affiliated Sister was listening in, I had deemed the date a success. Frustrations were expressed and confessions were made. It was confirmed to me yet again how truly wonderful this woman sitting next to me was.

We were not quite halfway to her apartment and the air was thick with sexual tension. I thought about turning on some music, but couldn't quite bring myself to reach for the knobs. My hands remained in place on the steering wheel. The silence was deafening and I was hyper-aware of every squirm, every shift, every throat clearing. I wracked my brain for conversation topics, but didn't really know how to follow up with small talk after expressing my sexual desires textbook style.

Gah. Did I really do that? Yes, Edward, you did. You said 'penis'. And 'vagina'. And blurted out in very specific terms how you would like to join the two.

Bella had actually taken the declaration rather well, considering it was far from romantic or sexy.

Currently she was holding my hand, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles and stealing lustful glances. Occasionally her grip would tighten and she would exhale slowly, almost as if she were trying to remind herself of what was coming.

And…what was coming? Though I was enjoying the many, many perverse and erotic thoughts of Bella running through my head, I was completely unsure that I would be able to get much farther than making out and minimal groping. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and knew better than anyone I still had a long way to go. There had been some steps forward made this evening, but not enough that I could say I was completely confident and ready to take the next big step.

Although I was certain Bella would be more than willing to help me long, I had already experienced her impatience and was not ready for another round. I wanted her so badly, but I was terrified of failing her. I hoped her expectations weren't set too high for the remainder of our date.

It was very possible if we could settle in for a movie and I could hold her close in a dark setting…

If anything I knew there would definitely be more kissing. I could handle kissing. My eyes darted over to Bella and stopped at her lips. Her lips were soft and full, the bottom part always a bit jutted out. If it was possible to have a crush on someone's tongue, Bella's would be it for me.

I heart your Lingua. I have a particular favoring for both the genioglossus and styloglossus muscles; they stimulate and tantalize my own, creating sensations that travel straight to my erectus phallus….

I snapped out of my lip-induced trance and shifted my gaze back to the road. The light ahead had changed from green to yellow, so I slowed the car to a stop once it finally turned to red. I couldn't stop thinking about her mouth, so I turned my head once more to look at her. Our eyes met and it wouldn't be too far off to assume that she had been thinking the same thing. Her eyes were wide and her breathing picked up. She licked her lips and started to lean over the console. The excitement of the moment coursed through my veins. My chest was tight with anticipation and I felt like I was going to explode. I began to lean over as well, breathing in everything that was Bella, excited to taste her once more.

I could feel her breath on my face, her own inches away. My eyes zeroed in on her lips, her little pink tongue darting out to lick them once more.

Oh for the love of cherry chapstick Cullen…HURRY!

I tilted my head to the side and leaned in further. She was so close I could practically feel her little smile before my lips brushed softly against hers. I heard her gasp and I pulled away, startled at her reaction. Feeling panicked that I had done something wrong, I searched her eyes for any sign of offense and found none. She chuckled low and soft, then startled me once more by grabbing my collar and pulling me back to her.

Give it to me baby

Uh-huh, uh-huh

And all the girlies say, "I'm pretty fly for a white guy."

The obnoxious vocals that were The Offspring blasted through my cell phone, prompting both Bella and I to jump.

Damnit.

I smiled apologetically at a blushing Bella before turning my attention to the phone secured to my dash. Without thinking twice about it or possible repercussions, I pressed the speaker phone button and answered, "Hello?"

"Dude! What's up bro?" Emmett boomed. I rolled my eyes in response, already regretting having him on speaker. If I kept it quick, it was possible I wouldn't have to deal with anything too embarrassing.

"Hello, Emmett. What do you want?"

"Hello yourself, Snobward. What's with the cold shoulder?"

I sighed. "I'm on a date, Emmett, and it would be nice if you could just tell me what you want." I reached for Bella's hand and gave it a little squeeze, an apology of sorts for my brother.

"You're on a date? With a girl?" he questioned.

"Jesus, Emmett. Of course it's with a girl."

He paused. "Are you sure?"

"I'm hanging up now," I threatened.

"Dude, I'm just sayin'. Remember when I went to Amsterdam for graduation? And that chick I was getting my freak on with in the alley next to the bar?"

"Emmett…" I warned.

"I was just getting ready to take her for a ride on the Whirl and Curl and all of a sudden I'm reaching in and realize I can't find the park entrance-"

"Emmett," I said a little bit louder.

"…So I'm all, 'what the fuck' until I scoot my hand back a little farther and bam! She's a tucker."

"Emmett!" I yelled louder than I intended.

I could see Bella's jaw drop out my peripheral vision, her head slowly turning to face me as she mouthed, a tucker?

I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled loudly, completely appalled that he had shared the He-She Amsterdam experience. "Emmett, that's hardly conversation to be having in the presence of a lady," I scolded, wishing he would get to his point already.

"Look, I know I tease you about being a pussy and all, but calling yourself a lady…"

"I meant my date, Emmett. She's in the car with me."

"Hi Edward's date," he said like he was twelve.

"Hi Emmett," Bella responded shyly.

"Holy shit there is a girl in the car!" he laughed. "Oh man, I thought you were trying to be all manly for a second so I wouldn't give you shit."

"Like it's ever stopped you before," I mumbled. "Tell me again why you're calling."

Ignoring my request completely, he continued, "So Edward's date, I'm Emmett, Edward's way cooler older brother. What's your name little lady?"

"You think you could be any more lame, Em? Maybe offer her a little candy to go with that?"

"Shut up, Edward. I wasn't talking to you," he said gruffly. Softening his tone, he asked again, "So date, what's your name?"

"I'm Bella. We've met before actually. Briefly." I could see she was biting her bottom lip and her hand that wasn't holding mine was fidgeting.

"We have?" Emmett questioned.

"Yes, in Edward's office," she responded quietly.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…" he was muttering, almost to himself. "Oh right! You're 32C," he said proudly. "Definitely not a tucker," he added not so discreetly.

"Excuse me?" was Bella's alarmed reply.

"Size 4, 32C, page 27, Victoria's Secret fall catalog, item A."

Bella and I both stared at the phone completely dumbfounded. She spoke first.

"How did you-"

"It's a gift," he replied.

"But I was wearing clothes?" she questioned with a look on her face that wondered if he had somehow gained access to her underwear drawer.

"Like I said, it's a gift." Emmett's tone was hushed and humble, as if this was something Jesus himself had blessed him with.

"Anyway, dude, you know that think I've been waiting for? You know…the thing?" He asked seriously.

"Um, yeah," I answered awkwardly. I knew what it was but I didn't want to say it out loud. Bella was most likely overwhelmed as it was by this conversation and that would be strange to her, but tragically familiar to me.

"It fucking arrived today!" he exclaimed.

"Emmett, please watch your language."

"Cheese and rice, Edward. What are you, my mother?" he groaned.

"So basically you're just calling to let me know that your package arrived," I said flatly.

"Well yeah," he scoffed. "It's even better than I thought it would be!"

"Ok, Em, that's great. Listen, I'll come by tomorrow to see it," I told him quickly, wanting to hang up and make up this humiliating moment somehow to Bella.

"Tomorrow?" he whined. "That's forever away."

"I'm on a date."

"And?" he replies, obviously not caring.

"That's rude." I turn and smile apologetically at Bella. "I'm not going to abandon my date so I can come over and see your new toy." Bella nudges me and mouths it's ok. I immediately shake my head 'no'. This date is far too important to me. I never should have answered the damn phone.

"Beeellllaaaa," Emmett complains. "Can Edward come out and play?"

Bella laughed and it makes me feel better knowing that she is finding this humorous. She hadn't let go of my hand either.

Dear baby Jesus, please don't let my crazy family or my unnatural issues drive this woman away. I like her. I really, really like her.

"Emmett," I said. "I'll be there tomorrow."

"Oh come on dude. Please. Pleeeeease, please, please, pleeeeease."

I wanted to smack my head on the steering wheel.

"Emmett," Bella started, effectively alarming me with her intervention and shutting him up. "We were just heading back to my apartment. Why don't you just meet us there?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all this crazy conversation, she offered to let Emmett come over?

"Edward," Emmett said in his best fatherly tone. "I know how emotional you can get and don't want to make this harder than it already is." He blew out a heavy breath into the phone and said, "I think I'm in love with 32C Bella."

At that moment, she tossed her head back and laughed. I mean, really laughed. It was loud and hearty and anything but feminine. I loved it. I was still uncertain about the entire situation. It wasn't so much the idea of Emmett meeting us as it was what I knew he was bringing that allowed the panic to really set in. Bella squeezed my hand and whispered, "If we're going to do this, your family is part of the package, right?"

Oh my God. You have no idea.

I couldn't believe how thoughtful she was. "You're incredible, you know that?" I told her sincerely, looking at her in admiration.

"It's only because…I like you so much."

"Jesus, you two are disgusting," Emmett interrupted.

"Shut up Emmett. If you want to come over…"

"All right, all right. I'll be nice. What's the address?"

I started to tell him, but he stopped me saying, "Hang on a sec, dude." It sounded like he dropped his phone. There was muffled movement in the background and then it was all quiet except for what sounded like Emmett grunting.

"What is he doing?" Bella whispered. "Is he like, lifting the couch looking for a pen?"

I shrugged. Knowing Emmett, it could be anything.

The grunting continued, followed by an 'oh yeah'.

Oh. My. God. Are you fucking kidding me?

"Edward-" Bella started. I couldn't even look at her. I was mortified.

"Ok, I'm back," Emmett offered nonchalantly.

"Emmett, tell me you didn't just-"

"What? It's a completely normal, healthy activity-"

"Not when you're on the phone!"

"Yeah, well not everyone was on a date tonight, Eduardo. I have needs too…."

"It couldn't wait until after you hung up?!" I was practically screeching. Bella had turned her head to the window, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"I can't control when it happens. When it's there, it's there man."

"God, you're sick."

"So you've mentioned…now, give me that address..."

I hesitated to give it to him, ready to just hang up on him. Bella gave it to him instead, a huge grin on her face the entire time. Unbelievable. The conversation finally ended at that point and the car was silent, save for Bella's soft snickering.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Your brother. Is he always like that?" She giggled.

"Unfortunately, yes. Bella, I am so sor-"

"Edward, before you start apologizing and getting all serious about what just happened, it's okay. Your brother is who he is and regardless of the direction of conversation, it would have been rude not to answer. He's obviously very excited about whatever he got. It's very sweet that he wanted to show you so badly." Her expression was soft and sincere. Mine was not. I could feel my face scrunch up in disbelief.

"Sweet? Sweet?! Trust me when I say that it is anything but sweet. Emmett….there are no words for him. He is the apple that fell farthest from the family tree." She pulled her hand from mine and placed it on the back of my neck where she stroked her fingers up and down in a soothing manner. My skin tingled on contact, giving me gooseflesh from her touch. It had to be the next best thing to heaven. The feel of her soft skin rubbing against mine in a sweetly simple gesture left my entire body pulsing with desire. I couldn't help but wonder if that's how it felt when she touched my neck….

If she ever sticks her hands down my pants I'm pretty sure I'm going to die right there. Death by Bellagasm.

"We all have a little bit of crazy in our families. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Don't worry so much. He's a little…loud and…perverted….but it's not like I've never been exposed to that sort of behavior. Look at Rose."

I contemplated her words for a minute; feeling oddly reassured that I was not the only one associated with crazies. It didn't stop the guilt about exposing her to Emmett, though. It might have been an inevitable encounter if, by the grace of God, this relationship continues. But so soon? It's only our first date…

I pulled in front of her apartment complex and angled myself out of the car, walking around to open Bella's door shortly after. I offered her my arm, but she took my hand instead. Her hands were so small and delicate….looking. I knew that it was nothing short of a lie. I had felt them run over my body and attach themselves to a certain part not so long ago, and her grip was gloriously strong. A delicious shiver ran through me at the thought. I really wanted to be ready for this moment. Dessert. It couldn't be that bad, right? Is it possible for dessert to be bad?

We made our way to the elevator and exchanged ridiculously happy and lustful glances back and forth the entire ride up. When we arrived at her floor, we began to walk down the hall at a fairly steady pace, but I slowed it down the closer we got to her door. Still holding hands, Bella was a few steps ahead of me.

She turned around and asked, "Edward, what's wrong?"

I came to a complete stop and pointed down the hall to her door. "Is Rose still home?" I whispered hoarsely.

She rolled her eyes in response and started pulling me in that direction once more. "Don't worry, Superman. I've got your back." I knew my hesitation was quite obvious as she was practically dragging me down the hall at this point. I did not want to see Rose in any capacity. We stopped in front of Bella's door and I released her hand so she could get her keys out of her purse. I backed up against the opposite wall and turned my head in both directions to plan my escape route should it become necessary.

The elevator would be out of the question. There was no telling what floor it would be on. The wait alone for the doors to open would seal my death for sure. The other end of the hall held an emergency exit with a flight of stairs. My legs were long and I was fast. As long as I had no obstacles in my way I could make a clean getaway. Rose would have to get around Bella first, giving me at least a two to three second advantage. And if she were wearing heels….

I heard the click of the lock and Bella turned to me once more. "Edward, would you stop being so dramatic. She's not going to kill you. She might threaten you, but I swear I won't let her touch you." Her eyes raked over the length of my body, down, then back up until she was eye to eye with me again. "That's my job," she winked.

I blew out a breath I didn't know I had been holding and bent over to put my head between my legs. Being this close to the gates of hell made me nauseous.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Edward? Oh my God, are you okay?" I felt Bella place her hand on my back and rub circles.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I answered with my head still between my legs. "I just, uh, yeah, I got a little sick. I might be having a reaction to the pizza or the imminent possibility of losing my balls. I'm not sure. Though, in case it's the latter I thought I might say goodbye to the boys." I lifted one hand from my knee and offered a farewell salute to my crotch.

Rose was going to castrate me for sure if she saw that Eduardo was still loud and proud. Once again I cursed my mother. This was all her fault, really.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Bella crouched down and placed her finger under my chin, forcing me to look at her. I didn't pull my head up all the way, but enough that I could see the pleading look on her face.

"Edward, I promise that nothing will happen to you." Her voice was calm and even, her eyes sincere. I closed my eyes briefly and nodded. I started to pull myself up, keeping my head down. I knew the blood would rush to my head if I stood too quickly, making me disoriented and at a disadvantage if I still had to flee. I needed all my faculties and reflexes on the ready.

I exhaled one last time in preparation and began to raise my head ever so slowly. A pair of shoes appeared in front of me and I realized that Bella was no longer beside me.

But Bella wasn't wearing red stilettoooh shit….

My head popped up and I dizzied immediately. My eyes were still adjusting when the blurred image of the Antichrist was standing before me with red-stained lips and a colgate smile. The blood was pounding in my ears, muffling all sounds. My legs willed me to turn and run but my body argued that it was not possible in my current state. I would have the grace of a bull in a china shop. Defeat was at hand. I had no choice but to surrender.

Fuck that. Run you stupefied bastard! Run!

I pushed my body off the wall and crossed my left leg over to the right in an attempt to get the hell out of there. A hand grabbed my shoulder and whirled my body around, dizzying me once more.

The smile widened….

Black.

Why is it so dark in here?

What are all those little floaty circles?

Oh my God. Am I dead? I'm dead. Holy shit, I'm dead. If I'm dead, why does my face hurt so bad? Maybe if I just turn my head a little…nope, that still hurts. Okay. So I'm not dead. What happened?

I felt my eyes opening slowly, only to find Emmett's face inches from my own.

I was afraid to open my mouth because my jaw was so painful, but I had to know. "Is this hell?" I managed to ask.

"Dude! You got knocked the fuck out! I saw the whole thing man. Fuck! I wish I had my video camera! It was awesome, she was like 'oh yeah' and you were like 'oh no' and she was like 'fuck that' and you were like 'oh shit' and she was like kapow....right in your mother fucking face. God, you're a pansy." He grabbed my arm and pulled me up. Looking around I found no sign of either Bella or her felonious roommate.

I felt frantic, immediately feeling the need to call the police. "Where's Bella?"

Emmett nudged his head in the direction of their apartment. "Don't get your panties in a twist, princess. She's inside with Rocky."

I looked over to him and couldn't understand how it was that he was so calm when a homicidal maniac was on the other side of the door. "What are you…how…when…I mean…ouch." My jaw ached with every movement.

"I was coming over to see you, remember? Just as I get out of the elevator, I saw her clock ya. Man, she's got a killer right hook."

I rubbed my jaw. "Tell me about it."

"Okay. So she pulled back like this," he started, pulling his arm back to demonstrate.

"I didn't mean for you to really tell me about it, Emmett. "

"I know you didn't you dumb shit. I'm just yanking your chain." He crossed his arms across his chest and stared at the door for a moment before he spoke.

"Edward?" he asked quietly.

"What, Emmett."

"It's pretty quiet. What do you think they're doing?" His brow was furrowed in concern.

"I'm going to guess talking." He turned around to me quickly, surprise and disgust etched in his features.

"Talking? Like, with words and shit?"

"Yes, Emmett," I spoke slowly. "Talking. With words."

He huffed in annoyance and turned his attention back to the door.

Curiosity got the better of me. "What did you think they were doing?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. The way they were both fired up, I thought that maybe they might be, uh…going at it."

"Fighting?"

"No man. Like," he started to gyrate his hips, "going at it."

"Oh for the love of…do you ever not have sex on the brain?"

He shrugged. "Not really."

We stood there staring for a few minutes longer. I had resigned myself to the fact that my date was over and I wasn't going to see Bella again for the rest of the night. If ever again.

The door opened and Bella stood in the entryway. Her face was flushed and her hair in disarray. I glanced over to Emmett and watched his eyes widen and his jaw drop to the floor.

His eyes met mine, a slow-spreading grin covering his face.

We both turned back to face Bella, only to find that Rose had joined her in the doorway. Emmett put both of his hands together in a prayer-like fashion against his chest and raised his head to the ceiling, muttering something about 'baby Jesus' and 'thanks for the tits'.

Rose's eyes shifted back and forth between Emmett and I, finally stopping on me, or to be more exact, my groin area.

Her eyes narrowed. Emmett noticed where she was looking and pointed.

"Looks like you've got a little problem there, Eddie."

"It's not little," Bella whispered, earning a gasp from Rose.

"You can thank mom for that one," I mumbled, mostly to myself.

Emmett snickered. "You dipped your fingers in her pie, didn't ya?"

I nodded.

"Oh man. Was it warm? I bet it was warm. Mmm…I love eating that shit off my fingers," Emmett moaned. Using his right hand, he made an upward thrusting motion and curled his fingers around a few times before taking them back to his mouth and proceeding to make loud sucking noises. "Oh yeah," he grunted, tossing his head back then reaching down to adjust himself. "It gets me excited too."

"Wait. Your mom gave you an erection?" Rose shrieked.

Emmett busted up laughing. "No, no, no! It's not like that!" I cried.

"You mean…that's not…." Bella said pointing to my dick. "That's not…from me?" She looked so sad.

"Oh Bella, of course it's from you," I tried to assure her.

Rose took one step towards me, her eyes wider than ever.

"But not entirely," I countered myself. Bella's face fell even more. "But you did in a way because you always get me hard," I pleaded franticly, knowing I was digger a deeper grave for myself.

Rose raised her fist and took another step forward.

"B-but it was mostly Esme's fault this time," I stammered while backing up. I heard Bella sniff.

"It's almost impossible for me to not be hard around you, Bella," I said looking around for an escape.

I knew it was only a matter of time before she tried to hit me again, so I darted over to Emmett and started to use him as a human shield. The bastard was still laughing until he realized he was sandwiched between me and Rose, who was struggling to get a hold of me. She was reaching out wildly, trying to grasp any part of me that she could to get me away from Emmett.

"Calm down there, Rocky," he said.

Apparently she didn't like that too much as she lunged forward a second later and he raised his arms up in surrender. "Before you kill Edward, let me explain. Esme likes to sneak a little Viagra in her apple pie for Carlisle. Edward must have had a piece....obviously," he snickered, "and now he's sporting wood. What's the big deal?"

"Who's Carlisle?" Rose demanded.

Emmett shrugged. "Our dad."

"So let me get this straight," Bella says looking a little more collected and relieved. "Your mom laced her pie with Viagra and you had some and now you have…the bulge. When did you eat this pie?"

"Yesterday," I peeked out from behind Emmett.

"Wait," Rose lowered her fist. "What's your last name again?"

"Holy Christ! How much did she put in there?" Bella cried.

"Cullen," Emmett answered.

Rose waved her hands wildly in front of her to cease all conversations. "Wait. Stop. Are you telling me that your dad is the Carlisle Cullen? The Hot Bitch of Seattle?" Emmett pursed his lips and nodded. Rose put her hand over her heart and stumbled backwards, as if she was might faint. "He's fucking legendary. I thought he was a myth or something," she mused humbly. "Oh my God he has ED?!?"

"Shhh....not so loud," Emmett said looking around to make sure no one overheard. "He doesn't have ED. Sometimes….when he and Esme toke up…she just wants to make sure that uh…that he's ready to go for hours."

"Your mom smokes pot?" Bella looked at me.

Rose was fanning herself, a look of disbelief and awe gracing her features. "I can't believe your dad is the Hot Bitch…"

"What's a Hot Bitch?" Bella asked.

"Not a Hot Bitch, Bella. The Hot Bitch. Do you listen to me ever?" Rose was clearly exasperated.

"I listen to you all the time, Rose," Bella replied. Rose looked at her as if to say 'yeah right'.

"Yeah, ok. I only listen sometimes. So you know their dad?"

Rose put both of her hands on Bella's shoulders. "Bella, dear," she sighed. "I have so much to teach you. I don't know Carlisle Cullen, I only know of him. The man is so hot he could be held responsible for global warming.

"O…kay, but that still doesn't explain who he is or what he does? What is he famous for?" Bella shrugged her shoulders.

"He's not really famous for anything. He's simply known for being hot," Rose explained matter-of-factly.

"That's it? He's just…hot?" Rose shook her head and let go of her shoulders.

"So hot he makes the devil sweat." Rose crossed herself and appeared lost in thought.

Emmett rolled his eyes and cleared his throat loudly. He reached into his pocket and took something out. Opening his palm in front of him, he said, "Anyway bro, check this shit out." I peered over his shoulder to look.

I heard Rose first. "Wait. Is that the..."

"Yes it is," Emmett responded proudly.

"But I thought they only made a handful. How did you get that?" She was eyeing him suspiciously, but her mouth was twitching into a smile of excitement. Bella was standing behind her, almost identical to my position behind Emmett.

"What is that?" she asked innocently. Rose and Emmett both looked at her like she was crazy.

"Bella," Rose turned back to look at the quarter-sized gadget in Emmett's hand. "That….that is the future," she whispered.

"Once again, I'm completely lost," Bella sighed.

"I hold in my hand the future of sex toys. I give you….the Creaminator 9000. No batteries needed. This bad boy reads your body and knows exactly what you need," Emmett claimed like a proud father.

"Can I touch it?" Rose wanted to know.

Emmett looked her over and hesitated. "What's in it for me?"

"I won't kill your brother."

Emmett snorted. "You're going to have to do better than that."

Rose leaned over and started whispering in his ear. I watched in amazement as Emmett's face transformed from a know-it-all smirk to retarded lust. He jumped back suddenly in alarm and yelled, "You can do that?! Woman, where have you been all my life!" He handed the toy over to Rose without further question and they stared in awe like it was the fucking holy grail.

Feeling a little safer with Rose focused on Emmett's new toy; I backed away from Emmett to lean against the wall. My jaw still hurt like a bitch and my dick was painfully harder than it had been all night from the excitement of my near death experience.

Bella walked over and put her hand on my arm. "Do you need to go to the hospital, Edward?" Her voice was so sweet and full of concern.

I looked up and gave her a half-smile since one-half of my face was swollen and hurting. "No, no. Maybe just an ice pack or something for this," I said pointing to my jaw.

"No, I didn't mean for that," Bella blushed. "I meant for…that," she said pointing to my dick.

"Oh." It was my turn to blush.

"It's been more than four hours, Edward," she continued. "Have you tried…"

"Yes," I rushed out. "Several times."

Bella's eyes darkened and she quirked an eyebrow. "How many times is several?" I started counting on my fingers, but stopped when she said, "Maybe some dessert will help?"

My eyes snapped to hers and she giggled. We were both blushing like crazy. She was biting her lip and reached out for my hand, motioning for me to follow her into the apartment. Rose and Emmett were still ooh'ing and ahh'ing over the mother of all masturbators, so we were able to slip by them unnoticed.

We entered the apartment and Bella closed the door behind her. She directed me to the living room while she went into the kitchen. She returned a moment later with a bag of frozen peas and a small box of something else.

"Come on," she said, leading me around the corner to….her bedroom?

I followed her in and she closed the door. I heard the click of a lock and spun around.

She smiled and gestured for me to sit on the bed. I stared at it for a moment, unsure if I really wanted to do that. I decided to check the lock on the door instead. I flipped it back and forth a few times and pulled on the door handle, needing to assure myself there was no way Rose or anyone else could just barge in.

"Happy?" I heard Bella say.

"Very," I said walking over to the bed.

She was already propped up against the headboard and patted the space next to her. I sat on the edge of the bed and removed my shoes first, then propped myself into position next to her.

She handed me the bag of peas. I placed them against my jaw and hissed at the stinging sensation.

"Oh, poor baby," she cooed. She reached up and started stroking the side of my face gently. I leaned into her touch and smiled at the level of comfort we were sharing in that moment. It was nice.

My body relaxed with her touch and I wondered quietly what it might be like to stay like this with her all night. Being with Bella was so easy. There was no one else like her. I had never experienced a level of comfort or calm like this with anyone else in my life. It was….refreshing.

She continued to stroke my cheek and then her breath was hot on my ear. "How about some dessert?" she whispered seductively.

My eyes flew open and my body jumped in reaction, causing me to fall off the bed. I scrambled to my feet and backed up against the wall. Bella had not moved from her position on the bed and was looking at me funny.

"Edward, what the hell?" My mind was racing as to how I would answer her. Sure, a hand job from her would be really nice, but there was no guarantee my hard-on would go away and I wasn't sure I was ready for that step just yet. And Rose was still out there….

I put my hands over my dick protectively, fearing castration.

"Well…you just…you were…dessert….and then….and we….but she….my balls….I don't want to lose my balls…."

"Jesus, Edward. It's just dessert," she said reaching over to her nightstand and grabbed the box she had been carrying earlier.

Creampuffs. How appropriate.

I laughed nervously and wandered back to the bed. Resuming my earlier position, I stared straight ahead, too embarrassed to look at her. She grabbed my jaw gently and turned me towards her.

She held a creampuff up and asked, "Would you like one, Edward?"

"Yes, thank you."

I took a bite and chewed slowly, unsure of what to do or say next. I closed my eyes and dropped my head against the headboard when Bella kissed my cheek.

Leaning her head on my shoulder, she whispered, "You know, I'm really glad I saved you, Edward."

I turned and kissed the top of her head. "Me too, Bella. Me too."

I sort of feel like Nelson from The Simpsons….HA HA….

Yeah I know that you were maybe hoping for something more…a different sort of dessert perhaps….pervs….but really….don't you think the poor guy just needed some cuddle time?

The Hot Bitch is a shout-out to Ninapolitan…cuz I know she has a leetle thing for Peter/Carlisle…and just cuz I love her...