Could lightning strike twice?
Drakken and Shego and the rest of Kim Possible are © Disney
Shego, relaxing in a wingback chair, paused in thumbing through her magazine and cocked her head.
Too quiet, she thought.
She peered around the lair. The henchmen had cleared out for the long weekend, leaving the cavernous space silent save for the whirring of cooling fans and the humming of air pumps. Under these circumstances, Drakken's puttering should have been clearly audible – the muttering, the clattering, the occasional explosions followed by curses.
Yet Shego could hear nothing.
"Drakken!" she shouted, and listened as her call echoed, unanswered.
She shrugged and continued flipping through her copy of Villain's Digest. She couldn't concentrate, however.
"Drakken?!" she called again, exasperated with him for not answering, and exasperated with herself for caring.
Just leave well enough alone, she thought. Enjoy your magazine, watch TV, make the most of the down time before his next hare-brained scheme.
It was no use. She had long since learned that a quiet Drakken was not a good thing, and probably warranted looking into.
She sighed, slipped out of the chair, and made her way to the wing of the lair that contained Drakken's private office. She listened quietly at the door for a moment, then knocked gently.
No response. She knocked again, harder, and tried the doorknob.
The door opened easily, revealing Drakken hunched over a computer workstation, staring intently at the screen and typing rapidly. With a sudden flourish he hit a key and the printer started spitting out paper. Then the blue-skinned scientist stood up, rubbed his eyes, and stretched. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Shego staring from the doorway.
"Ah, Shego! Just in time to witness the origin of my greatest plan ever!"
Shego mentally kicked herself. For this I put down my magazine?
"I see you're skeptical, Shego," Drakken said, reading her expression. "Well, skepticize not, for this truly is a transcendent scheme."
Drakken scowled. "You know what I mean. Anyway, this is it, Shego. This is the one! The plan that finally brings us world domination!"
Shego sighed again. "Ok, I'll bite. It's not like I have anything else in particular to do."
"Well, Shego," Drakken began, "I was fuming over Kim Possible's latest exploit –"
"What did we say about that, Dr. D?" Shego interrupted.
"We agreed that you weren't going to deliberately get yourself all worked up over the Princess. Bad for your hypertension."
"Yes, yes, Shego, well, it was a Friday night, there was nothing else on. If I may continue?"
"So, as I was saying, Kim Possible rescued a computer genius who had invented an extraordinarily powerful data-mining program called the Massive Data Digester, or MDD. Seems that Killigan wanted him for something-or-other-"
"Is this display of nerderrificness going anywhere?"
To her disappointment, Drakken simply ignored the attempt to bait him. "Indeed, Shego, indeed it is! For I realized that, with that kind of computing power, I could answer the question that has long plagued me!"
"How do I get rid of unappetizing tooth discoloration?"
Drakken glared at her. "Ah, yes, the trademark Shego snark. Well, you won't be raining on my parade today, thank you very much! No, Shego, the question, of course, is, 'How do I defeat Kim Possible!'"
"Dr. D, bitter experience has shown there's no answer to that one. I'm starting to think we oughta just stick to knocking over banks and living the high life."
"So one might think, Shego. So one might think. But for a supergenius like myself, whose brain functions at a higher level, the MDD – which I managed to acquire - opened a universe of possibilities."
"I'm still listening…barely."
"You see, Kim Possible defeats us every time out. Now. But surely it couldn't always have been this way. Kim Possible wasn't born defeating us. At some point in her irritating life she had to have been vulnerable. So I had the MDD examine everything my teenage arch-foe has ever done. Everything that's ever been written on her. Every time she ever defeated us. Everything known about her family, her history, her ancestry! And I asked the MDD to use all this data to pinpoint the moment to strike!"
Shego's expression had been growing more and more quizzical as Drakken's rant went on.
"Wait a second. Let me get this straight. You ran a global data crunch on Kim Possible's past?"
"That's right, Shego! And it came up with an answer! Her first day of pre-school!" He grabbed a sheaf of pages out of the printer tray and waved them at her in triumph.
The rapturous look on his face contrasted sharply with the disgusted look on Shego's.
"You're kidding me, right?"
"No, Shego, I kid you not! For whatever reason, Kim Possible's first day of pre-school is the make-or-break moment. Sure, there are a few other inflection points out there." He looked down at the papers in his hand. "For example, when she went on-line for the first time. But pre-school is the whole enchilada! All we need to do is intervene on her first day – break her spirit – and we'll never be troubled by her again! In fact, we'll never have been troubled by her in the first place! And how hard can it be to break the spirit of a pre-schooler?! Oh, what genius! You now, it's a wonder I haven't thought of this before…"
He frowned, as if chasing something just on the edge of memory, then gave up and looked back at Shego joyfully.
Shego shook her head in disgust. "Drakken, I hate to be a buzzkill…no, scratch that, I love to be a buzzkill. Have you noticed the one, teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy hole in your plan?"
"Yes, I thought about that, too. Do we strike before or after naptime? Easy peasy lemon-squeezy, Shego. Before! When she is most vulnerable and cranky, with low blood sugar!"
Shego put a hand to her head and massaged her suddenly throbbing temple. "No, Dr. D., what I meant was-"
Drakken wasn't listening; he was rubbing his jaw and speaking to himself in a quiet voice. "Now, what we need is a…some kind of… chronometric portal inducer…or, or, a temporal displacement device…"
He looked at Shego hopefully. "You know, a chronal energy manipulator?"
She stared back at him blankly, then spoke. "Do you mean a time machine, Doc?"
"Well, yes, if you want to be pedestrian. Not my fault if you couldn't understand the proper technical terms."
"I knew what you meant, Dr. D. I just wasn't going to give you the satisfaction."
Drakken glared at her again. "Enough with the sour grapes, Shego. This plan is brilliant. It will once and for all take care of Kim Possible and all of the associated heartache!"
"With just one problem. Exactly where are we going to acquire the power to travel through time?"
Drakken looked thoughtful. "Yes, I'll admit, that is a tricky bit. But I'm confident I'll work it out. I am a supergenius, after all."
"You're going to build a time machine?" Shego was suddenly intrigued. Drakken had built a lot of improbable devices, after all. Might a time machine be possible? "That'd be pretty neat. We could invest in the market and get out just before it tanks, or, or bet on sporting events where we already knew the outcome. We could make a fortune!"
"The Benjamins? Is that what this is all about for you? Honestly, Shego, I offer you global domination and you ask for baubles?"
"Sue me," Shego shrugged. "I like baubles."
"Well, Shego, there will be plenty of trinkets and trifles for you once we get rid of Kim Possible – or have gotten rid of Kim Possible – or will have gotten rid of her…hmmm…" Drakken scratched his chin. "Time travel. It's a cornucopia of disturbing grammar."
Shego had had about enough. "Drakken. Can we focus for a moment?"
The sharp tone in her voice drew the Doctor's attention.
"Do you, or do you not, have the capacity to build a time machine? 'Cuz, while this is all very interesting about the pre-school and whatnot, it's not a terribly strong plan without the ability to, you know, actually travel through time!"
Drakken glared at her and drew himself up to his full height, ready to expound once again on his brilliance. Then his face fell and he slouched.
"I'm not quite there, yet, to be honest."
Shego sighed loudly.
"Really! I'm making progress! I'll get it eventually…," he protested.
"Listen, Doc. I'm not a mad scientist, or a supergenius¸" she said, "but I've been around geeks – which is to say, my brothers, and you - long enough to get the basics. If you'd ever invented a time machine, wouldn't you have traveled back already and taken care of Kimmie long ago? Or at least visited yourself in the past for, I don't know, a little morale boost?"
Drakken's jaw hung slackly.
"So it seems pretty obvious that you didn't and won't invent a time machine. Not one that makes a darn bit of difference, anyway. If we're going to find a way to crush Kimmie's spirit in the past, we're going to need some help."
She thought for a moment, having a hard time believing she was even remotely taking this seriously. "What about Monkey Fist? He's got all kinds of magical business going on. The Dark Arts and all that. Maybe there's some talisman or something?"
Drakken furrowed his brow. "Don't be ridiculous, Shego. Everybody knows there's no such thing as mystical monkey power,"he said, with air quotes.
"RIDICULOUS?!" Shego roared. "You're sitting in here using one of the world's most powerful computing tools to uselessly analyze Kim Possible's past for weaknesses, and you have the nerve to call me ridiculous?!"
She growled ferociously and scooped up the printouts that Drakken had been waving around. He gasped in dismay and lunged for them, but was too slow. In a flash, Shego had incinerated them in a burst of plasma.
"Now, Dr. D.," Shego continued, menacingly, "I don't want to hear any further talk of the Princess' past, or time travel, or anything that suggests that my employer is simply fantasizing rather than actually plotting." She sized him up and gave him her scariest scowl. "Do we understand each other?"
"Yes, Shego," he said, meekly.
"Ok, then." She turned on her heel and strode toward the door. "I hope we don't have to discuss this again."
Sheesh, she thought, as she walked away. Time travel!
A/N: I thought this was something of an original idea, but then re-read Chapter11 of MrDrP's Epic Sitch: Big Monkey On Campus, and realized that I'd inadvertently stolen the notion from there. And probably there were numerous such stories posted around when ASiT first hit the airwaves. But I wrote it anyway. What's that they say about imitation? Please read and review!