I was wrenched awake, being pulled up and across the floor. Groggily I stumbled up trying to blink away sleep. I'd been in the middle of a good dream, the feeling of exhilaration was still lingering but I couldn't remember what the dream itself was about. The feeling was slowly draining away to be replaced by confusion and maybe a little fear. What was going on? Where was I being pulled? What was pulling me?
Of course, I was being pulled by the chain that connected me to L! I'd been sleeping on the floor by the bed, beside L. He'd told me to. Sleep on the floor that is. And so I had. I'm not completely sure why, it's not as if I liked him, or even really respected him. Yet I had. Something in me had urged to obey, to do what he told me to do. This insane desire to not disappoint him, to please him. It made no sense! None at all.
Now he was dragging me off somewhere. And I think he might have stood on my stomach getting up, it hurts! A clap of thunder resulted in and extra sharp tug. Next thing I was being pushed ahead of L, hitting into something soft. The dark closed around me and I thrashed against the softness, trying to go back. Hearing the door click closed I froze, taking a deep breath to try and clam myself. Okay, there was no need to panic, L was here as well. I could feel his presence behind me, making me feel almost…safe?
My breathing slowed and my eyes slowly adjusted to the gloom. We were in the closet…alright; it was better knowing where we were. Though it would be even better if I knew why I was in here! I don't know how long we sat in silence but it was starting to gnaw at me.
"Why did you bring me in here?" Finally the silence had gotten too much, and I just had to say something. I don't know why I was whispering. It made no sense and yet I had and I was. Another clap of thunder caused me to jump, landing right in L's lap. Not that it was so surprising; there was nowhere else to go. A hand snaked round my waist and pulled me closer against him, making me freeze up uncertainly.
"…why did you let me?" he murmured right beside my ear, making my breath hitch with apprehension.
"I-I didn't let you! I couldn't stop you!" I stammered out nervously but trying to hide it. His hand slowly slipped down my thigh and I tugged at it to try and frantically move it. His hand suddenly left my leg and relief flooded through me. But it was very short lived as fingertips skimmed along my shoulder and up across my jaw. "Let me go!" Did my voice sound higher than normal? It was from anger, that's all. I wasn't scared…L didn't scare me. This was all some sort of joke. A practical joke. A sick, twisted, sadistic joke.
"That's no way to talk to me," he said thoughtfully as if he really wasn't sure. "You should just calm down. This won't hurt me at all." Despite myself I relaxed a little before his words registered. It wouldn't hurt him but what about me? I started trembling in disgust, fear and anger as I felt lips slowly making their way up my neck and along my jaw.
With great effort I pulled away from him and reached for the door, only to find it locked. I tugged frantically; till the chain yanked me back and I hit my head hard, making dizziness pass through me. Before I could register what was happening L was on me, hands everywhere, and lips on mine. Tears streamed down my face as I begged to be let go, then as my mind went numb, blocking out what was happening to me.
L says he'd been doing me a favor. He'd done it because he cared. I know now that it was my fault; he'd explained that to me as he'd washed away the blood after The Incident. I'd deserved it. I'd told L he could unconsciously, before I even realized it, which was bad. L relieved me of that sin. But now I have new ones. I should know better. I'll be better now. And L will never have to 'help' me again. I hope he doesn't. I hope.