Title: Prince(ss) In My Dreams

Chapter Title: No Love, No Love, And A Failed Audition

Genre: Comedy, Romance, Friendship

Summary: Story takes place in season one. After Ross gets in a relationship with Dana, the new neighbour from upstairs, he changes his personality drastically. Rachel, who is dating Mark -yes, the Mark from Bloomingdale's- is struggling to figure out if she really loves him or not. Monica gives Chandler advice on how to flirt with women, but breaks down when she realizes she has no idea what a solid relationship is build on. Meanwhile, Joey flirts with every woman he can lay hands on just to get a part in a big movie. Then, he finds out the director of the movie is gay, so he goes to Chandler for advice.

Author's Note: At first, I only wanted this to be an R and R story, but then I figured: what the hell! Why not throw everyone in it? And another point: the book used in this chapter is fictional. The summary is of the whole story, so this chapter doens't include everything said.

-

"...and that's where charcoal absorbs the impurities of water, removing all the dissagreeing tastes and smells." Ross Geller explained, looking carefully at the kinda bored looking delivery woman. She took a deep breath and leaned against the door. "Tell me again...at what point did I ask you to tell that little story?"

"Well-" Ross started, ignorantly of her boredom. Immediately when he opened his mouth, his sister, Monica Geller appeared from the back. She smiled and shoved 20 doller in the woman's hands. "Here's 20 bucks." She said to the relieved delivery woman. "And an apologize." She quickly added. At that point Ross let out an offended but squeaky yell, and the woman fleed out as soon as she could. Monica closed the door, turned to her older brother and smiled. "Way to be a cool dude, Ross."

Ross pulled a dissapointed face, and leaned against the back of the couch, taking a large swig right out of his bottle of beer. "I don't know. In my head I have this great things to say, but as soon as I see a beautiful woman, I start saying all those silly things. I mean: did I just talk about charcoal to a woman that wore a skirt and a tank top?"

"Yes, I was there. I didn't know 'The Green Dragon' could send out sluts." Monica commented.

Ross just gave her a look. Monica quickly headed to her bedroom. "If flirting is your main problem, I might have the right solution..." She dissapeared in her bedroom only to return with a huge book. "This." She stopped in front of him and held it in his face.

He pursed his lips as he read it. "Facts about women. What you say and what you don't say." His gaze fell on the author's name. "Devon McKaney. It's written by a man."

Monica shrugged. "So?" She clearly couldn't see the point.

"It's a book about women. Written by a man." Ross repeated, but when she still didn't get it, he just rolled his eyes. "Oh, the sweet irony of which my little sister has no clue of."

"Just take the book. I promise it'll help. And it also helps to compliment a woman about the way she looks." Monica adviced.

"Hey, I did that."

"Okay. Well, I don't know what the hell you were doing, or trying to do, but you complimented on her symmetrical pelvic girdles."

Ross shrugged, wandered off to the livingroom and plopped down in the big white chair. "So?" He replied. "Her hips were very even..."

At that moment, the blonde Rachel Greene, who had just moved in with Monica, entered the room. She was wearing a long, red, silky dress that ended perfectly above her knees. She wore simple black court shoes and in her right hand dangled a small black purse. She spun around in front of Monica and Ross. "So...what'd you think?"

"Honey, that looks great!" Monica complimented. "That took you an hour? I recommended you that dress minutes ago."

"Yeah, well, I had second thoughts." Rachel replied bluntly, but friendly. She then turned to Ross, who was gazing at her. "What do you think?"

Ross blinked a few times, snapping out of his 'thoughts'. He quickly sat up and clearead his throat. "Well, it's definetely, uhm...fine, and perfect...and, uhm, symmetrical." He stuttered.

Rachel frowned in confusion and turned back to Monica. She smirked, and lead her to the front door. "What Ross is trying to say is: you look great."

"Really? Symmetrical?" Rachel asked.

"Don't worry. I too get that a lot," Monica replied. "Yesterday, I dated this guy Ernie. I wore this really short -but not to slutty- black dress, and asked for Chandler's advice, and I think his exact words where: aaahrtgowhmwoswow."

Rachel chuckled. "Yeah...how'd it go with Ernie anyway? I think he's really mature now. This could actually work."

"You know that's exactly what I thought yesterday. But then I found out he had a friend named Bert..."

"Bert and Ernie?" Rachel questioned. She did her best not to burst into laughter. "Well, couldn't you..."

"No," Monica answered curtly. "The irony. I couldn't handle it anymore."

The two women took a moment to overthink the moment, when Monica looked at her watch and tapped on it. "Shouldn't you go?"

"Oh, of course!" Rachel quickly opened the door and rushed out.

Ross stood up and tucked his hands in his pockets. "So...how's it going with that Mark-dude?" Ross asked Monica.

"I don't know," Monica replied. "Maybe you should consider asking the woman who's actually dating him."

-

"So, what are you going to get?" Mark inquired. They were at 'Porto Maurizio', an Italian restaurant. The waiter had just handed them their menus.

Rachel inspected the menu. "I think I'm gonna take the chicken. People say it's quite good here."

"Sure."

As they continued reading the menus, a silence fell. As so many silences used to fall between them. Rachel didn't know if she could describe it as 'comfortable' or 'uncomfortable'. She just knew they'd fall anyway. And she accepted that. As much as she accepted the fact he loved her more than she loved him.

"So, how'd the interview go?" Mark's voice sounded far away.

Rachel looked up, getting nothing more than a vague 'huh' out of herself.

"The interview." Mark repeated himself.

"Oh." Rachel remembered. Mark had arranged a meeting with some people from Louis Vuitton, to see if she could be able to join their team. "It went good, I think. They said they'd call me back."

"Sure."

Lately, Rachel noticed Mark using a lot of 'sure's. But she didn't really care. There was only one question that was really racing through her mind. But as soon as it appeared in her mind, she dismissed it. She dismissed the fact she might not be in love with him.

-

Meanwhile, Chandler was in his room reading a magazine, when he heard Joey enter the apartment. He stepped out of his room, only to see an upset Joey throwing his jacket on the floor. He didn't even greet, and headed to his room. "Wait a sec, Joe." Chandler chuckled a little. "Is this one of your 'I'm fooling you, although I did get the audition' actions?"

Joey just turned at him and groaned something through gritted teeth. "That famous other dude got a call-back!" He practically yelled. And with those words, he slammed the door of his bedroom shut. Chandler was left speechless.

"So, that was a real one." He muttered to himself, after he heard Joey rudely slamming something broken.

-

Author's Note: I think I'm going to stop here. Please comment! The next chapter will be better and longer, I promise, since I'll have a week to write it.