'Damn, lousy brats...' Kakashi thought as he ran across the raging river. Water walking was a lot harder when the surface was wild and bumpy. He'd almost fallen in twice now and he hadn't even made it halfway yet. 'This book better be worth it...'

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! How's it going?!" Naruto shouted with glee making Kakashi grumble.

"Damn brat!"

"Hey, Indy." Sasuke said, squinting his eyes, staring at the map. "There's something else written here..."

"Oh really?" Naruto asked, taking the map. Squinting his eyes he could see a near invisible text. "Let's see here... 'The first challenge: Solve the riddle; I am thin, tall and I cannot walk, but I have a tilted head. What am I? Second challenge: Prove your faith. Third challenge: Face the darkness and prove your worth.'" Naruto read and handed back the map. "Good to know." he said as Kakashi nearly tripped again.

Soon enough, Kakashi had reached the other statue and tied the rope to a rock on top of it.

Naruto tied the rope to a rock on top of the Shodai statue and got on it. He turned to Sasuke.

"We don't have to wear out our arms by climbing the rope or anything. We're ninjas as well. We can just run across the rope."

"Good plan." Sasuke said and got on the rope before running across with Naruto.

Once inside the mouth, they could see a long corridor leading up to a huge room. Inside the room was a floor that was covered in letters ranging from A to Z.

"This is the first challenge." Naruto said with a nod and turned to Sasuke. "Give me the map."

Sasuke nodded and reached into his pocket. Suddenly, all the color drained from his face.

"Uh oh..." he said and reached into his other pocket.

"Well? Where's the map?" Kakashi asked making Sasuke sigh, staring at the floor before mumbling something.

"What was that?" Naruto asked and Sasuke looked up at him.

"Umm... I dropped it..."

"YOU WHAT?!" Kakashi and Naruto shouted in unison.

"I must have dropped it when we ran across! I can't find it anywhere!" Sasuke shouted, frantically searching his pockets again.

"Damn you to hell..." Naruto muttered as he placed a hand on his chin. "Let's see here. The first challenge was a riddle... What was it again?"

"You don't remember?!" Sasuke shouted with wide eyes.

Naruto turned to glare at Sasuke.

"I didn't think I'd have to remember since we had the map! Why didn't you remember it?!"

"I thought you'd remember it!"

"Boys, boys." Kakashi said, placing a hand on each of their heads. "Arguing won't help. Now calm down. What can you remember?"

"I remember... I am thin..." Naruto said, deep in thought.

"And tall..." Sasuke finished for him.

"That could be nearly anything..." Kakashi said placing a hand on his chin. "Anything else?"

"I remember there being something about walking..." Naruto said, tipping his hat back and scratching his forehead. "People walk on me...?"

"No, no, no." Sasuke said and looked over the letters. "But I cannot walk. And I have a..."

"A...?" Kakashi asked as Sasuke wrinkled his brow in thought.


"Tilted head!" Naruto exclaimed, tipping his hat back in its previous position. "But I cannot walk and have a tilted head!"

"Good job remembering, guys." Kakashi said with an eye smile and looked over the letters as well. "So... what is it?"

"I don't know... Tilted head... cannot walk... A lamp, maybe?" Sasuke asked getting a shrug from Naruto.

"Maybe. Let's try it." Naruto said and searched the floor, finding the letter L. "Here goes." he said and stepped on the letter. For a few seconds, they thought it worked, until a huge spike came out of the ceiling and nearly impaled Naruto who managed to jump away at the last second.

"Holy shit!"

"Okay..." Kakashi said calmly, as if a spike just hadn't tried to impale his student. "It's not a lamp..."

"You think?!" Naruto shouted, holding his chest.

"So... If it's not a lamp... what is it?" Sasuke asked.

"There's something we're missing here. It's like we're missing one little detail. Something that can... aid... us..." Naruto said and his speech slowed down as he realized something. "One!"

"What?" Sasuke and Kakashi asked in unison, snapping out of their thoughts.

"The number 1!" Naruto shouted. "Tall and thin with a tilted head!"

"Yes!" Kakashi exclaimed as he too came to that realization. "And it can't walk because... well, it's a number!"


"Great." Sasuke said and pointed to the floor. "Then spell it out." he said making Naruto freeze.

"Um... Sensei can do it."

"Ha ha! Good one, Naruto." Kakashi said with another eye smile that disappeared when he saw that Naruto was serious. "What, you're serious? No way! I had to run across that accursed river!"

Naruto turned to the Uchiha.

"Sasuke, you're the only one who hasn't done anything yet and you dropped the map. It's only fair that you go."

Sasuke sighed.

"Fine. But if I die, I'm going to haunt you forever..." he said and searched the floor, finding the letter O.

"O." Sasuke said and stepped onto the letter, searching for the other one. Finding it, he jumped over to it. "N. And... E!"

Suddenly, just as Sasuke stepped on the letter E, the letters on the floor faded away and the spike retreated back into the ceiling.

"Great job, Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah... Bastard..." Sasuke muttered, taking a deep breath to make his fear of being impaled by a spike go away.

They continued walking until they got to an empty room.

"Is this the second challenge?" Naruto asked with a sweatdrop forming in the back of his head. "And empty room? Well, might as well take advantage of it!" he exclaimed and started walking, until he slammed into what looked like an invisible wall. With his face still attached to the invisible wall, Naruto spoke. "So this is the second challenge, huh? Prove your faith... That one, I remembered."

"I got it!" Kakashi shouted and took out a scroll, unsealing a bag filled with every single Icha Icha book yet, even the limited edition, Icha Icha Paradise: the roaming of the peaceful hero. He held the bag out to Naruto. "Take this and try it again."

"Okay." Naruto said and grabbed the bag. The sheer aura of pervertedness of the bag was enough to break the invisible barrier and even make some cracks in the walls.

"The power of Icha Icha..." Sasuke murmured as he watched in awe. "It's not something to be underestimated..."

"Go forth, young one." Kakashi told Naruto sagely. "We will wait for you here."

"I will return with the map. I promise you that." Naruto said and headed off into the dark corridor. When he had walked for what seemed like hours, he was stopped by a dark voice.

"Halt. Who dares enter the keep of the map?"

"I am Uzumaki Naruto. I am searching for the Holy Icha."

"For what reason do you want the holy book?" the voice rumbled.

"I want to take it to Konoha. It will be placed in a museum for all perverts to read."

"Are you one of them?"

"Hentai-sama is my god. The two people I travel with and I are perverts, big enough to rival even Jiraiya of the Sannin."

"Jiraiya of the Sannin... I am not familiar with that name."

"He is the biggest pervert of this time. He's the author of this times Icha, the Icha Icha series." Naruto said and the voice hummed.

"Will you read the Holy Icha."

"If that is what Hentai-sama wants. Even if she wants it to be destroyed, I will destroy it, even if it would pain me."

"I sense no lies in you. You are truly a faithful servant of Hentai. The power of pervertedness is strong enough to light your path. Go in peace, my child."

"Thank you." Naruto said as the corridor lit up to reveal a circular room with a pedestal in the middle of it. On the pedestal was a map. Naruto walked up to it, picked it up and read it.

"Hmm... Uzu no Kuni, huh...?" he asked out loud before leaving.

When he emerged from the dark corridor, map in hand, Kakashi's and Sasuke's eyes lit up with excitement.

"You got it?!" Kakashi asked with a crazed expression on his face, getting a grin from Naruto who put the map in his pouch. Now let's go. We head for Uzu no Kuni!"



Soon enough, they had left the Madara statue and headed southwest. They were now in Nami no Kuni. On the way, they encountered the strangest genin team in the history of Konoha.


The three were walking through a forest, perverted grins on their faces as they fantasized about the Holy Icha. Suddenly, two people came out of the bushes, panting as they did. The first one was Hyuuga, who the three thought was a girl at first due to his long hair, and a girl with brown hair tied into two buns.

"They're at it again..." the Hyuuga said, looking at Kakashi who stared at them in pity.

"NEJI, TENTEN! WHERE ARE YOU, MY MOST YOUTHFUL STUDENTS?!" came a roaring voice as two green blurs shot out of the bushes. When they stopped, the three perverts could see a man and a boy, both wearing green spandex suits. They had shiny, black hair in a bowl cut, HUGE eyebrows and the shiniest teeth one could ever find.

Kakashi stared at the two lazily while Naruto's and Sasuke's jaws hit the ground.

The man turned to Kakashi and grinned.


"Hm?" Kakashi asked as he stared at the man. "Did you say something, Gai?"

The man, Gai, burst into tears before turning to the boy.


"I PROMISE, GAI-SENSEI!!" the boy shouted with a waterfall of tears streaming down his eyes. Then the worst possible thing happened. They hugged.













Suddenly, the scenery changed. Gai and Lee were standing on a cliff during the sunset. Waves splashed against the cliff, making everyone present sick to their stomachs.

"OH MY GOD!" Sasuke screamed as he covered his eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" Naruto shouted as he too covered his eyes.

Gai got up and grinned towards Lee.

"Are you ready, Lee?"

"I'm ready, Gai-sensei!"

Gai and Lee got into a pose before they did something that was worse than hugging in the sunset.

They started singing.

We're men, we're men in tights

We roam around the forest, looking for fights

We're men, we're men in ti-ights

We challenge the hip and spout about youth, that's right!

We may look like sissies

But watch what you say or else we'll pull out your lights!

We're men, we're men in tights.

Always on guard, defending the youthful's rights!

Here, they slung their arms around each other's shoulders and started doing a really weird dance that involved kicking their feet into the air.

La la lalalalala la lalalalala la lalalalala lalalalalalala

La lalalalala la lalalalala la lalalalala lalalala

Now they got on their knees and flexed their biceps.

We're men, manly men! (Now they got up again) We're men in tight, yes. (Here they waved their arms in a really feminine way.)

We roam around the forest, looking for fights

We're men, we're men in ti-ights

We challenge the hip and spout about youth, that's right!

We may look like pansies

But don't get us wrong or else we'll pull out your lights!

We're men, we're men in tights, (Grabs the hitai-ates around their waists and getting on their toes) tight tights.

Always on guard, defending the youthful's rights!

When you're in a fix, just call for the men in tights!

Now they hunched over and flexed their arms with a grin. "We're butch!"

Gai stood up and grinned.

"Does that answer your question, my youthful friends?" he asked and turned to see Naruto and Sasuke rolling around on the ground in agony.


Everyone sweatdropped.

Flashback end

Naruto shuddered at the memory.


Another chapter finished. I got the song and dance from Men in tights by Mel Brooks.