I got a few requests for a sequel to Chuck vs. The Balance Sheet. So this is what I came up with. This is an idea that I got while fighting with BrickRoad and GoChuckGo on the boards the other night. Actually, that's not technically true. I actually got this idea while planning out my arguments for the next fight, which I figure will be soon. If you want to see the crazy discussions that generate even crazier ideas, join us in the Chuck forum on this site. It's fun (mostly). A special thanks to Natty for the beta. I'm getting sort of tired of saying that I still don't own Chuck. But I still don't.
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Chuck vs. The Proxy
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"Ok," said Carina with a stunned look on her face. "Care to explain exactly how this is my fault again? I warned you not to talk to him. I knew that you would cave."
"That balance sheet thing was your idea." Sarah said with a sigh. "Besides, I'm not really saying that it's your fault. I just need help."
"What is it exactly that you want me to do?" said Carina while shaking her head.
"I want you to help me talk to Chuck." Sarah said. "You know how bad I am at relationships. I'll never be able to make Chuck understand that I love him but still have to be professional. I'm just not ready to be what he wants."
"So," said Carina in a confused tone. "You want me to go talk to Chuck for you?"
"Not really," said Sarah. "That wouldn't work. He would ask you questions that you wouldn't know the answer too. I want you to be my proxy."
"I still don't understand." Carina said beginning to show signs of frustration. "What the hell is a proxy?"
"I want you to go with me to talk to Chuck." Sarah said. "You can speak on my behalf. Chuck can talk to you just like he was talking to me. It's just that you're better at holding your ground than I am. You understand what it means to be an agent. You can be my proxy."
"And I can speak for you?" Carina asked hesitantly.
"Sure," said Sarah. "You know how I think. And if something comes up where you're not sure how I would respond, I'll be sitting there to let you know."
"I don't know, Sarah," said Carina cautiously. "It sounds pretty flakey to me."
"Please, Carina," pleaded Sarah. "It's the only way I can think of to make him understand what I can't give him. Otherwise, I'll just cave. He'll wear me down. There's no way I can look into those eyes and keep telling him no. We'll be married in six months."
"Ok," said Carina with a big sigh. "I'll do it. I still don't think it is a good idea. But I guess it's either this or start looking for bridesmaid's dresses. Anyway, there's one thing that I know for sure."
"What's that?" Sarah asked.
"You should have gone with Bryce."
- - - -
"Let me understand this," Chuck said with a pensive smile. "I'm going to be talking to Carina but she is going to be speaking for Sarah."
"That's right." Carina said with a smile. You can talk to me just like you'd talk to Sarah."
"And why won't Sarah just talk to me by herself?" Chuck asked. "She's sitting right here."
"Sarah's not good at relationships." Carina began. "She wants to make sure that you understand that she loves you. But she also has responsibilities. If she talked to you directly, she's afraid that she would agree to things because she would want to make you happy. The problem is that she wouldn't feel good about those things in the long term. I assume that you want Sarah to be happy."
"Of course," said Chuck. "That goes without saying. I love her. I'd do anything to make her happy."
"Good," said Carina as she saw Sarah's face turn into a broad smile.
"I assume that are some specific things that you want to discuss." Chuck said with a smile.
"Yes," said Carina with a smile of her own. "First off, Chuck, Sarah would like to begin by saying that she loves you. I hope …"
Carina paused as Sarah tugged at her sleeve. Sarah leaned in and whispered into Carina's ear.
"Ok," Carina said, the smile replaced by a perplexed look. "Sarah would like to begin by saying that she loves you very much. I hope that you understand that nothing that we discuss tonight will change that."
Chuck nodded with a smile.
"But I'm sure that you realize," Carina continued. "That Sarah is not a normal woman. She is a highly trained agent who has taken an oath. She has dedicated her entire adult life to serving the greater good. Therefore I'm sure that you realize there are differences in what you can expect relationship wise."
"Do you have any questions so far?" Carina asked.
"I think that I'll hold my questions until the end." Chuck said with a smile as he picked up a pad of paper from the table. "I would like to take notes, if that's ok."
"The first thing that you need to realize," Carina said. "Is that agents are trained to follow orders. We don't question them. We don't figure out if we like them. We obey them. Do you understand?"
Chuck nodded with a smile as he wrote on his pad.
"I'm sure that you'll agree," Carina continued. "That makes it very hard to have a normal relationship. There's just no way to have a husband and be able to obey orders. That's because your orders may be bad for your loved ones."
"Ok" Chuck said softly without looking up as he continued writing.
"And children are definitely out." said Carina with a small laugh. "I mean, that's obvious. Besides the emotional ties, it would be impossible to be chasing down bad guys while you're pregnant."
Chuck's smile turned into a grin at the thought.
"Great," said Carina. "The last thing I would like to talk about is sex."
Chuck's eyebrows raised but he didn't speak.
"Female spies have been using sex since the beginning of time." Carina said. "We are trained that sex is just a tool. We use it to control men. And by sex I don't necessarily mean actual sex. That's pretty rare. I'm talking about flirting and touching and things like that as well. Do you understand?"
"We have been conditioned to think of sex differently than most people." Carina continued. "It just doesn't mean all that much. Sarah wants to make sure that you understand that there may be times when she is expected to use sex and that it doesn't impact how she feels about you. And that if you get jealous that would be a bad thing."
"Ok," Chuck whispered to himself as he wrote feverishly. "Bad thing."
"Great," said Carina with a sigh of relief as she stood up to leave. "I guess that's all I wanted to say."
"Wait," said Chuck with a grin. "I have a couple of questions."
"Sure," said Carina with a surprised tone as she sat back down. "Shoot."
"The first thing that you said was that you follow orders, no matter what." Chuck said tentatively. "Is that right?"
"So," Chuck continued with a wry smile. "If Sarah got the order tomorrow to terminate me, she would do it?"
When Carina looked at Sarah she could see her softly shaking her head.
"No, Chuck," Carina said with a smile. "She wouldn't kill you."
"So there are orders that she wouldn't obey." Chuck replied with a grin. "Right?"
"Ok," said Carina with a frown.
"And what about her leaving?" Chuck asked. "It's hard to love someone knowing that you can get the call tomorrow and she'll be gone and we'll never see each other again."
"Exactly," said Carina as her eyes lit up. "And that's why agents don't fall in love. Now you get it…"
Carina was interrupted by Sarah pulling on her sleeve again. When she looked over, Sarah was shaking her head again. She was using tiny little shakes hoping that Chuck wouldn't notice."
"Ok, Chuck," Carina said in exasperation. "She won't leave. Are you happy?"
"Well," Chuck said thoughtfully. "I'm getting happier. But what about your next point. Are you saying that Sarah never wants to get married?"
"I don't know about never." Carina said hesitantly. "Maybe someday but not any time soon. That's for sure."
"And is this just a general thing." Chuck asked softly. "Or does she want to get married to me?"
Carina saw the smile on Sarah's face and sighed.
"I guess she wants to get married to you someday?" Carina said with a smile.
"Great," said Chuck with a laugh. "I guess that makes us engaged, right?"
"What,' exclaimed Carina. "How do you figure?"
"We both agree that we're going to get married someday." said Chuck with a huge grin. "We just haven't set the date. What else would you call it?"
Carina simply shook her head and looked at the floor.
"And another thing I'm confused about." Chuck said in a curious tone. "You say sex doesn't mean much to a spy. If that's true why did I have to wait a year? And why did Sarah go on last night about how great it was?"
Carina just stared straight ahead.
"So," Chuck continued in an animated tone. "I guess I can expect a lot, lot more sex going forward. But maybe not as much praise afterwards. Would that be a fair assumption?"
"Stop," Sarah finally exclaimed with a laugh. "Carina, this isn't working. You have me engaged and having sex four times a night. I have to stop this before I end up bare foot and pregnant. Carina, you know that I love you, but you're fired."
"Fine by me," Carina said with a laugh as she stood up to leave. "I always thought that this was a stupid idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be off looking at bridesmaids dresses."
As soon as Carina left, Chuck slid over to Sarah and put his arm around her. Sarah buried her head in Chuck's shoulder.
"That didn't go exactly the way I planned at all." Sarah finally whispered after a long moment.
"Why do you think that Carina could tell me something better than you could?" Chuck asked softly.
"I was stupid." Sarah said sadly. "I just realized what the problem really is. I thought that Carina could explain it better to you. The real problem is that I'm no longer Carina. I fell in love. I wouldn't follow orders to kill you or be reassigned like Carina would."
"And that scares you." said Chuck with a smile.
"And that scares me." whispered Sarah.
"Look," said Chuck tenderly. "I think I understand. This is a big change for you. I get that. I'm not asking that you switch from super spy to wife and mother all at once. I'm willing to take it as slow as you need to. As long as we get there someday. You asked me to trust you a year ago. Now it's your turn to trust me."
"I'm sorry I didn't trust you." whispered Sarah without looking up.
"Hey," Chuck said softly with a laugh. "Don't be sorry. I got engaged and am getting sex four times a night out of the deal. Take your time. I think I'm going to send Carina flowers."
"About that," Sarah said with a smile, finally looking Chuck in the eye. "Do you think we could start off with two times a night and work our way up?"
"Absolutely." Chuck said with a laugh. "See, I told you I could take it slow. That's still quite an improvement over the once a year pace we were on."
"That's true." Sarah said with a laugh.
"And Sarah," Chuck said softly as he reached over to kiss her. "The next time you want someone to talk to me on your behalf…"
Sarah's eyes sparkled as she waited for him to continue.
"For goodness sake, talk to Ellie."
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