Summary: Envy is forced into a lamp, and after 400 years finally falls into the hands of Edward Elric. What chaos could come from this? Collab with StarLightning101.

A/N: At last, we've gotten around to the writing stage! WHOO!! Ah…anyway, this is a story idea I've been discussing with Star, and the only final touches we really need are what the extra wishes are (assuming we don't outright skip a few wishes to get to the ending…). Oh, don't be fooled by this "chapter", this story's meant to be humor. It should come around to that in, say…the next chapter XD

On with the show…!

Prologue

"Envy," a gruff voice said in a commanding tone, the man owning that voice stepping forward warningly. "You've disobeyed me again."

The boy before him, whose only similar characteristic to the man were his purple eyes (somewhere between lavender and amethyst), gave an almost invisible twitch to the tone used against him, trying not to lower his gaze. "I haven't disobeyed you, Father."

"Bullshit!" another character spat out, eyes also of a purplish color narrowing in anger. "The little brat rescued the humans that we needed for the Philosopher's Stone! Now we're stuck with this brain-dead…thing!" he fumed, pointing toward a muscular-looking man with a blank stare on his face. The woman beside him didn't look pleased, either, while the pudgy man near her looked a tad frightened, nibbling on his pinky nervously.

"Is this true, Envy?"

The boy now addressed as Envy lowered his gaze almost guiltily, a slight wrinkle appearing between his brows. "I don't want humans to die…" Purplish eyes turned back to the man he had called Father after hearing him sigh, a small glimmer of slight fear lighting them as he noticed the stern, almost angry look he was receiving. "Is there any way we can create Philosopher's Stones without killing them?"

Silence ensued, with most everyone's attention being on either the Father or Envy. The one with the furious outburst certainly seemed most angry with the youngest in the small room, the woman seeming to sympathize with him a little, and the other two seeming to be occupied with their own thoughts (particularly the muscular man, who still bore the same blank expression).

Father sighed again, walking toward Envy with a calmer gate than before and placing a hand on his shoulder. "You have to be the one to learn, don't you?"

"First to learn what?" the boy asked nervously, worried by the tone of sadness in the older man's voice. "What are you going to have me do?"

A light of excitement lit the temperamental man's eyes, realizing Father's implication. Unlike him, however, the woman in a black dress looked almost horrified.

"Come with me, son," the oldest said in a low tone, beginning to lead the youngest toward a door with a special lock on it. Pulling out a ring of keys from within his white robe, he offered it to Envy. "Would you do the honor?"

honor?

The boy took the keys, stiffening when he heard a snicker from one of the older men. "What's so funny, Greed?" He narrowed his gaze on the shark-toothed man, unhappy about the smirk on the other's face.

"Don't mind him," Father said gently, tapping the youngest's shoulder to regain his attention. "Just unlock the door so we can get through."

Giving a half-hearted glare at Greed and an uncertain look toward the woman (who now looked rather depressed), Envy turned back around to the door, selected a key and inserted it into the lock. Taking it off, he pulled down the handle and the door swung inward with a creak.

"Envy?"

"Yeah, Lust?" he asked, trying to smother the shakiness in his voice as he turned to look at the beautiful woman.

"Behave yourself, alright?" she said with a small sigh, giving him a weak smile.

"Be good!" the pudgy man beside her supported, straightening up and pulling his pinky out of his mouth to wave. Greed snickered at him, while the remaining character remained unchanged.

Father placed his hand on Envy's shoulder, giving him a similar look to what Lust had. "Let's go," he said simply with almost no emotion, stepping into the room the same time his son did.

At the center of the room was a small table with something like an oil lamp resting on top of it. Beyond that, the room was bare with the exception of the strange circles that covered the floor, walls and ceiling.

A subtle frown settled onto the younger boy's face, confusion in his eyes. "Father, what is this…?"

"You'll see." Father stepped farther into the room after the door closed by itself behind them, giving a small wave. "Come."

"I still don't understand…" Envy cautiously approached the table, poking its white ivory surface as if it might burn him. "How does this relate to us creating Philosopher's Stones?"

"In many ways," he answered simply, gently stroking the golden-colored item with almost a sense of reverence. "Envy, you have to learn to hate humans."

He flinched and pulled back a little, as if the idea revolted him. "Why? What have they ever done to me or any of us?" A small, more noticeable shudder vibrated through his body at the dark look he received from his father.

"You sympathize with them too much," he said in a serious tone, turning to fully face his son. "And that gets in the way. To make Philosopher's Stones, you have to have no heart for the vermin."

"Vermin…?"

"You will understand soon enough." Picking up the lamp, Father slowly began to walk away from the table, motioning toward it. "It's time for the lesson to start. Sit on the table." Nodding at the instant obedience from his youngest child, he raised the lamp with an extended arm, the spout pointing directly at Envy's chest.

The unfortunate boy looked around the room in a panic as the circles lit up with a blue glow, eyes wide. "Father…!?" Slit-like pupils shrank further 'till they weren't hardly noticeable when bright blue bracelet-like fabric appeared on his wrists and a darker blue material similar to a sash appeared around his waist, a sudden wind beginning to pull him toward the lamp. "Father!" In a matter of seconds, Envy had vanished into the depths of the lamp, the man holding said item looking down upon it with pity.

"I was hoping you'd never have to learn it this way," he said sadly, turning toward the door as a 'click' sounded and the door opened by itself.