A/N: Here we are, the final chapter (I know…I'm sad, too!), and hopefully it'll be ridiculously funny. Anyway, there'll be a few questions at the bottom after the ending to the story, so keep your eyes out!!
Walking through the slime-graven sewers just beneath the city of Central were Ed and Envy, both of them discussing what to do when they reached the lair of the former genie's Father.
"So, ah…" the blonde started, freezing to keep himself from sliding on some gunk amongst the sludge. "Oh, why does he live underground again?"
"Because," the dark-haired male answered, lightly smacking the smaller on the back to get him moving forward again. "With very few people coming down here, it's the safest place to be if you're looking for secrecy."
"Although that makes a lot of sense," the leather-clad boy began, giving a nearby rat a distasteful, disgusting look, "There are better ways of finding secrecy."
"For you, perhaps…" Amethyst eyes turned toward the darkness of the tunnel ahead, contemplative yet unusually alert. "Hey, I got an idea…"
"Same here." Gold made contact with amethyst, both curious. "You wanna start?"
"You go ahead." To prove that he was honest, he waved a hand and put on an expression of carelessness.
The younger nodded. "Well, I was thinking…we all have some sort of weakness, right? Even temporary ones."
Envy's eyes widened very slightly, apparently being of the same thought. "And…?"
"So, if we can somehow find that particular weakness in your father, then perhaps we can defeat him." Ed shrugged his shoulders, suddenly looking as if he doubted his idea. "But if he's really powerful enough to turn one of his own children into a genie…"
The taller gave the smaller a semi-smile, partly turning his head away. "No, you're on the right track…Father does have a weakness, as all of us do."
The human boy's eyes lit up almost instantly. "And you know what that weakness is?"
"Of course." The pale-skinned male gave his former master a quirky smile, raising an eyebrow. "Honestly, Master, it's as if you don't trust me."
"Okay, quick question," the blonde stated, stepping in front of the other and stopping their stride. "Why do you still call me Master, even though you've been officially free for over a week? Is it a form of thanks or something?"
Envy's blank expression was slowly replaced by a wry smile, mischievous amethyst eyes turning away. "Something like that…" Sidling past the younger human, he placed his hands behind his back as he continued on down the tunnel, seeming to be oblivious to the grimy slime underfoot. "Let's get going, Father's liable to have changed his location since the last time I was free, so who knows how long it might take to get to the lair."
Giving the other male a peculiar look, Ed resumed following. "Another question…what exactly is your father's weakness?"
The purple-eyed being gave the gold-eyed one a sort of smile when the other came by his side. "Well, it's something of an allergy…"
–two hours later –
Envy was grinning insanely, watching his former master giggle hysterically at the plan they had finished concocting. After only a few minutes, however, amethyst eyes changed from silly and playful to deathly serious as they noticed something peculiar in the distance, shooting an arm out to halt his partner-in-crime's pace.
"What is it?" the blonde asked, noticing the look on the other male's face and quickly becoming serious himself. Gold eyes following the other's gaze, they both cautiously made their way to a ledge. They found it overlooked a large room that contained several tables littered with papers and laboratory equipment.
"So this is where you decided to go…" the humanoid whispered, eyes narrowing.
The human boy was preparing to jump over the ledge when the other shot out his arm to stop him again.
"Wait, Master…it could be dangerous." After a minute of staring hard at the room below, he slowly turned his gaze toward his partner, still looking very serious. "You go first."
Ed gawked at Envy. "What!? But this is your mission! Why do I go first?"
"Because…" the older slurred, smirking evilly. "You said you'd help me with this, didn't you? Besides, I did say I'd get you back for all the things you made me do…"
The smaller glared at the taller, rolling his eyes after a moment. "Figures…" Leaping down with the other not very far behind him, they both carefully, quietly crept around the room, checking every hallway to make sure no one was around. "So…where do you keep the food?"
Envy frowned, the look in his eyes showing he was a little lost. "They've moved around so much and change storage locations so frequently, I honestly have no idea where…"
The blonde sighed, not in impatience, but more in disappointment. "Well, we'd better keep looking, then…" Waving for the other to follow, he randomly started walking down a nearby hallway that quickly turned into more of a tunnel than anything else. At the end was a table, and looking toward the left was something relating to a refrigerator. "Oh, I think we found it."
"Naw," the humanoid started sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "I thought this was the morgue!"
"Thanks for pointing out my horrible point-out," Ed said in a voice that sounded cross, giving the other male a hard look. "Let's get this over with," he added as he walked over to the fridge and opened to check the contents. Noticing a small chunk of blue cheese, he carefully took it out and replaced it with…a different hunk of blue cheese? "Bait's set. Now let's find a good hiding spot in this room so we can catch your father by surprise."
"First," the dark-haired male started, raising a finger. "We need a weapon. The food will only weaken him, not kill him." Looking over to what he supposed was a sink, he opened a cabinet and found a small box of knives. "…nevermind, found what we'll use."
"You mean what I'll use," the blonde stated, reaching past the crouched figure and grabbing one of the longer knifes. "It'll look peculiar if you're just standing here holding a knife, don't you think? Besides, I think it would work better if it looked like some sort of surprise ambush."
Raising a slender brow, the older male stood back up with a small nod. "That would be more convincing, even with the fact that I technically should still be a genie…"
Gold eyes lowered, a strange, unsettled look coming onto his face. "Oh yeah…that's a problem, then…"
Envy shrugged. "I'll figure out something to say before he comes." Looking at the ceiling, he noticed one of the tiles was slightly ajar. "Huh, when did Father decide to become so homely…?" Leaping gracefully onto the counter, he lifted the tile and moved it to the side. "It's big enough to let both of us climb in at the same time," he thought out loud, unaware that he somehow gave the other the impression he was subtly making fun of his size. "And it's not very far from the fridge, either…Master, I think I've found your hiding place."
Ed grinned, holding the knife as if he were preparing to stab some unsuspecting victim. "Alright, let's get ready…"
–about an hour later –
A blonde-haired, bearded man clothed in a white robe walked slowly into the room, as if somehow expecting something to be different. Amethyst eyes instantly noticed Envy leaning against the counter. "Envy…so you're back?"
"Yes, Father," the child-like being responded solemnly, looking up at the new arrival. A slightly surprised look came to his features as he carefully added, "Father, you've aged…"
"So have you." Indeed, he did look much older now than when Envy had last seen him, and although the younger had a grudge against the older he couldn't help feeling slightly concerned by the change. Setting his hands on his youngest child, Father asked, "Have you learned from your lesson?"
A look of darkness came over the older boy's eyes, a serious look on his face. "Yes…I've learned to hate." Wrinkling his nose, the dark-clad male added, "Humans are a waste of existence."
Ed, who had hidden himself in the ceiling just behind the loose tile, shuddered slightly at the tone his former servant was using. He mouthed out the words "Wow, if I didn't know any better I'd believe him…"
The oldest in the room seemed to buy it, giving a sort of regretful smile before stepping toward the fridge. "I'm sorry I had to teach you this way…"
"I understand your intentions, Father," Envy responded quietly as if to somehow console the older man. "This experience has taught me a lot of things…"
Nodding, Father opened the fridge and took out the cheese. Taking a small whiff, he frowned subtly and held it just below eye-level.
"…is there something wrong, Father?" He pushed away from the counter, cautiously walking toward his father. "Anything I can do?" His muscles seemed to loosen up a bit when the man shook his head.
"No, you've been through enough." Giving a soundless sigh, Father took a bite out of the whitish cheese. A few minutes after consuming the food, however, it seemed clear something wasn't right.
"Father?" Envy grabbed the older man's shoulders, trying to hold him upright. "Father, what's wrong?"
"That…was moldy cheddar…"
Amethyst eyes widened in false alarm, the youngest of the man's sons carefully walking the other toward the sink. "Oh my god, will you be alright?"
"Yes," Father answered weakly, smiling comfortingly at the dark-haired boy. "Just need to rest for a little bit…"
"Then rest you shall get," Envy countered, his worried expression dissolving into a wry, evil grin, flipping the older man onto his back right in front of the sink.
Seeing his cue, Ed kicked the tile to the side and leapt out of his hiding place, plunging the knife into the man's chest like a dagger. "Not a bad trick, eh?" the blonde smirked, looking evil even though he was beginning to tremble very slightly. He seemed to relax considerably when, instead of just simply dying, the corpse dissolved into dust.
"Well," the older boy began, brushing his hands together as if finishing something dirty, "Let's start cleaning up." Grabbing a nearby broom, he nudged Pipsqueak away and started brushing the mess away.
"Wow…" The smaller began giggling hysterically, pointing at the broom. "You even still act like a servant…!"
The taller paused, giving the younger an angry, pointed look. "Not, another, word…" Noticing a small space underneath the fridge, he brushed the dust underneath and propped the broom next to the sink. "Alright…let's leave this place."
"Not so fast, you two."
Amethyst eyes widened in startled surprise, the being owning those orbs slowly turning toward the tunnel and finding someone he had apparently been longing to see. "Lust…"
Gold eyes widened in alarm, staring fixedly on the woman blocking the only exit. "Wha-what do you want?"
"Only one thing…" Lust slowly walked toward her younger brother, high heels clicking lightly on the marble floor. "To join you and my brother."
The blonde gawked at her while the older male almost smiled.
"Ah…" Clearing his throat, the only human in the room asked, "What'll you do if we don't let you join us?"
The only female gave the smallest boy a cold, venomous glare. "Then I'll drag your innards back to the lab and tell everyone else about this atrocity," she answered icily, turning her fingertips into lances and extending them toward the blonde's throat and chest without stepping forward.
Envy stepped forward and placed a calming hand on his sister's shoulder. "Of course you can join us," he whispered softly, giving her a gentle smile. "I'd let you join even without that threat."
Frowning in confusion, Ed interrupted, "Er…if you don't mind, we kinda need to get going before someone else comes by."
Nodding in agreement, the older male patted Lust's shoulder and started walking, beginning out slow so she could walk beside him. "When we're far enough away from here, I have a few questions…"
"So do I, Envy."
Making sure he didn't go into their personal space, the human crept back over to the ledge where he and his partner-in-crime had entered the lab, making it to the top with the other male's help.
Partway up the sewer tunnel, the only female asked her brother whilst giving the only human a distrusting look, "Why are we letting this pipsqueak of a human tag along?" She almost started smirking at the angry, indignant look the smallest gave her in response.
"Edward Elric freed me from the lamp," Envy answered with an undertone of reverence, giving the other male a polite glance. "I sorta owe him for that favor."
Pausing for an instant, she gave the shorter of the trio an apologetic look. "I'm sorry for the tone I used earlier."
"I should've expected it," he retorted, waving as if the incident didn't hold any importance. "Envy already explained the reason why you father, ah…placed him in the lamp. I understand why you used that tone." Giving her a patient smile, he walked out ahead of the siblings, seeming to be in a really good mood.
Leaning toward her brother, Lust whispered, "He's…different, from most other humans."
"He's not all bad," he responded, giving Ed a trusting smile.
–the following morning –
Ed stepped out of the apartment building, preparing to go to work (it was a Monday, after all). He didn't get very far before Envy stopped him.
"I have a little question to ask," he whispered, seriousness in amethyst eyes.
The blonde turned to fully face the other male, gold eyes showing both seriousness and curiosity. "What is it?"
"Why were you trembling when you killed my father?"
Gold eyes widened, averting away from amethyst. "Er…well, I've never killed anyone before…"
"…kinda scary, huh?"
The smaller nodded, looking back up at the other male. "I'm sure to kill again, though, if I continue working for the military…"
Giving a small, almost comforting smile, the humanoid rested a hand on the human's shoulder. "It'll be alright, trust in that…you're a good boy, Edward."
Ed smiled back at Envy, gold eyes almost elated with the comment. "Thanks, Envy." Giving the taller a small pat on the arm, he continued down the street with a bright smile on his face. He didn't think anything could go wrong, up 'till he entered the building of which he worked in.
Havoc walked over to the smaller blonde, a suspicious look on his face. "Edward? When did you get small again?"
"Cut the jokes," the red-cloaked boy cut in sharply, giving the taller an almost bored expression. "Just coming by to pick up a new assignment from Mustang." It was his turn to put on a suspicious look when the other began snickering. "What's so funny?"
"You'll see when we get to the Colonel's office," Havoc responded, smirking and trying not to laugh. The both of them headed on down the hallway, stopping in front of the doors.
"This doesn't sound good," Ed muttered when he heard familiar music playing from the other room, hesitantly pushing the doors open…and gawking in horror when he saw nearly everyone in the military squeezed in the relatively small office watching a single screen propped in the desk. "Oh no…!"
"Show me all that you've thrown away," sang the blonde boy on the screen, slowly waving his extended hand toward the audience with playful mischief in gold eyes. "Find out games you don't wanna play…"
The Colonel, who was conveniently seated near the door, smiled mockingly at the State Alchemist. "I never knew you could sing so well, Edward," he said in a calm tone, although his onyx eyes were laughing at him.
At this, everyone turned to look at the very embarrassed-looking boy with wide, amused grins.
"Heya, Amestrian Idol Alchemist!" one of them teased, earning a chorus of laughter from everyone else.
"Where'd you get that tape!?" Ed demanded, looking around at the crowd.
"I brought it!" an all-too-familiar girl's voice answered, a very specific blonde girl waving from the far side of the room.
"Winrey!?" The blonde alchemist gawked at her, jaw still hanging open when he saw a boy with black hair, slanted eyes and wearing strange-looking clothing was sitting next to her. "Wha…!?"
Winrey smiled brightly at him, tilting her head to the side. "What's the matter? I thought we had fun at our date Saturday night!"
"Certainly looked fun," the strange boy supported in a strange accent, although it seemed to accentuate the amused tone he still carried. He, too, smiled a sickeningly bright smile. "You have a very nice voice, I might add."
Only staying long enough to hear Winrey exclaim a "The prince of Xing just gave a commoner a compliment!", he stormed down the hall and out of the building.
"That's the last time I ever go on a date…"
A/N 2: As promised, here are the questions… 1) Do you want us to write a sequel? 2) If we were to write a sequel, would you give us some ideas we could use (considering we're plumb out of ideas of our own)?
Please R&R and we hope you enjoyed our little collab!