Disclaimer: I do not own the turtles or any of the characters. Really wish I did though...

Raphael tore his stubborn eyes from the crumpled piece of paper on the floor, which just so happened to become increasingly interesting as the seconds ticked by, to Leonardo who was doing his damnedest to look confident and in control with his arms folded tightly across his plastron, and feet planted firmly into the ground.

It was an interesting request from his brother, one that Raphael had himself admittedly contemplated on any day that ended in Y. Yet to hear these thoughts voiced from the brother whom Raphael had always thought of as simply 'the asshole with a bug up his butt' would normally set him into uncontrollable fits laughter, now had him in a state of shock. However, it was because of the recent events, or 'experimentations' if you will, the two of them had engaged in, that had inevitably led to this moment of complete absurdity.

A neuron must have fired in Raphael's brain, because his hand was suddenly triggered to slap himself stupidly in the face, in a failed attempt to swat away the house fly that had taken refuge in his gaping maw. Raphael was convinced that he must have inadvertently stepped into some alternate reality that caused his leader to propose this idea to him. Yes, Leonardo had it all planned out down to the last detail in much of the same fashion as his battle plans and Raphael couldn't help but wonder if his brother was about to pull out maps or blueprints, possibly detailed with little sketches of turtle sex.

"I think the most logical strategy would be to begin with the basic missionary position" Leonardo informed him, his voice full of confidence "we should then proceed to copulate 'doggy style'" he added while making air quotes.

At this point Raphael almost lost it. 'Yes,' he thought to himself in utter bewilderment 'this is most definitely an alternate reality, and somehow this is all Mikey's fault'

On any normal given day, there probably would have been a Raphael shaped hole in the door upon hearing those words. However Raphael almost always seemed to be plagued with the constant discomfort of an erect penis pushing on the inside of his plastron from its lack of use. Although he knew it was his own horniness talking, he couldn't help but find Leonardo's cold, military-esque approach to the subject quite sexy and slightly erotic.

"I do however think that it would be prudent for us to engage in warm up activities, such as heavy petting before proceeding with the act of fornication" Leonardo added.

Raphael couldn't take it anymore. A snort of laughter escaped before he could stop himself "Urm...does that mean you want foreplay before sex?"

"Well...yes" Leonardo replied faltering slightly as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I am inclined to think that should our mission be a success, we may want to include Michelangelo and Donatello in future sessions" he added, with regained confidence.

Raphael felt his eyes pop out of his head. Normally what he would have considered to be a scary visual place, was in that moment incredibly hot and almost more than he could bear as he imagined himself running back and forth, pounding into each of his willing brothers.

Shaking his head slightly, Raphael brought himself back to reality and realized his brother was staring at him expectantly. How long had he been day dreaming? "Uh did you say somethin?"

"I said that it would be sexy if we were to undress each other."

Raphael blinked in confusion as he glanced down at his weapons belt along with his knee and elbow pads. "You mean from all the clothes we usually wear?" he asked sarcastically.

"We could also consider the possibility of eating various foods off of each other's bodies"

"Food?" Raphael asked bewildered.

"Yes Raphael, food. You need to pay better attention. Now how do you feel about me tying you up with rope?"

Raphael lost the ability to speak.

"Of course those aren't our only options" Leonardo continued his speech undeterred "We could pour candle wax on each other"

"Or use whips" he added.

"Whips!" Raphael yelped "Leo what the hell?"

"Yes, I also found the idea quite intriguing" Leonardo replied scratching his chin thoughtfully "but the internet assured me that done correctly, it is quite safe, yet erotic and sexually satisfying."

"Leo you seriously got all this off the internet?"

"There was something else that I read that sounded interesting, now what was that again?" Leonardo murmured to himself ignoring Raphael's question. He picked up a piece of paper off of his nightstand and glanced down at it. "Ah yes here it is" he announced. "Have you ever heard tell of this so called '69 position?'"

Raphael felt his head spin. That determined it, he was as equally disturbed as he was turned on.

"I feel that it would be interesting to try whilst experimenting with whip cream or some type of syrup"

At that moment, something snapped in Raphael's brain, and he leapt forward and tackled his brother to the bed in a passionate frenzy.

'Score' Leonardo thought smugly.