I am consumed


Ego Perussi Sum
Alcyone


There's no pain here. The pain is gone.

I was burning, burning in pain. The whole world shattered around me and I felt myself break apart. I couldn't even cry.

Why had I been hurting? And why is the pain gone?

It had hurt so much.

But now, now there's no pain at all. All is still and silent.

Am I dead?

I could be. This place, though… It doesn't look like heaven or hell. There is…nothing. It is just a void—I can't even tell if it is dark or if it is light. I see nothing. I feel nothing. No pain or happiness or fear…

Fear!

I had been afraid. But, of what?

There is something in this void—something lurking in the blackness. But I cannot tell what it is.

I can't? Or, am I afraid to?

I see flashes before my eyes. Light, color, shapes… Pieces of memories. I reach for them, but they are blurring, fading away.

No. No, don't slip away. Don't leave me alone in this place.

Yes! Yes, I have one.

I hold securely to the flash, let it consume my mind. I see a face. The face of a child.

Jamie!

Where is Jamie? Jamie must be so afraid. I have to find him. But, how can I when I don't even know where I am?

What is this place?

I grope through the blackness. I'm moving but going nowhere. I might not be moving at all.

What an awful feeling.

I feel…nothing.

I want to feel.

Even if it hurts. I want to feel; I want to live! I want to get out of this damned place. I want to find Jamie and Jared.

Jared…

Another flash flickers by. A searing kiss. An indelible tattoo.

I have to find you.

I focus all my strength. I try to stand…but I don't even know which way is up.

What's happening to me?

The world seems to tremble around me. An odd feeling suffuses my body. I feel like—but, I can't be.

I'm unraveling.

I can't compare the feeling to anything else. It's like I'm coming apart at the seams even as something solidifies before me, something that should not be here.

Inside of me.

Because I am inside of myself. I realize it now. Trapped within my own mind.

And I'm fading.

No. I will not lose to this. This thing will not overtake me. I refuse. I have to see Jamie and Jared again. I won't let it beat me. I won't let it beat me. No. I won't. I won't. No. No. No. NoNoNoNoNoNo….

Darkness reigned. All was quiet. All was still.

Outside, lying on a hard bed, a girl stirred.

She could sense light behind her eyelids. She could feel the cool metal beneath her and hear soft brushes of sound.

Secure in her possession of this new body, little Wanderer slowly opened her new eyes for the first time.