I had a rather random request to write a short comedy where the word "woo" is used multiple times over. Here's the first part.
Huffallumps and Wozzles are references from Winnie the Pooh.
"Woo, wooing, wooed…"
Sarah rapped her fingers against the desk in thought. Honestly she felt rather silly. What she was about was just pure nonsense. Months of writer's block had led her to attempting, what was consider, a creative endeavor to re-start her imagination. She sighed. Never before had she felt so stuck in the middle of a plot. Of course she had never attempted to write romance before.
"Woo-ful, woo-tastic, woo-derful."
The writing exercise was to pick one word and use it as many times over as possible in various ways. She had chosen the word "woo." Considering that she was using lords, ladies, castles, kings, queens, courtship, and all such related words in her story, "woo" sounded fitting. Her leading man was going to woo her leading lady. They were going to have a "woo-ful" experience. She was going to be wooed until her head spun. Sarah chuckled softly to herself and then massaged her forehead. Who knew romance could be so hard to write?
Of course it wasn't just the writing that was proving to be difficult. There was also an issue of privacy. For some odd reason the goblins were fascinated by her computer, and had managed to open, explore, and read every file she had saved on the hard drive. When her publicist suggested this romance venture, her first thought was, "Oh crap- how am I going to keep this away from the goblins?" Their child-like attitude was endearing and she really had no desire to taint them with images of adults performing acts of wooing with each other. It was hard enough with their king about to keep them from asking curious questions- "What's a wench and what do you do with it? Why does the king hang onto a riding crop when he doesn't ride? Miss Sarah what is perfume for? Why does the king wear tight pants? What else can you do on a bed?" Then there was the very awkward question: "Where do goblins come from?"
She had managed to come up with a successful password to lock the file with. For the past week they had been kept well enough away from it.
She looked at her computer screen. The small portion she had started on sounded positively cheesy.
"I seem to loose a fair amount of control around you," he said shoving her against the wall.
"Oh my dear Lord Philip, you'll loose a lot more than that." Her hands tugged roughly on the hem of his shirt.
Positively stupid. No one talks like that. Of course normally there isn't much talking to be had in those sorts of situations. There are just a lot of woo-antics. Was she going to have to resort to raunchy descriptions and/or bad metaphors?
"Woo-bulous!" she exclaimed in exasperation and laughed out loud.
"People," began a voice behind her. "who laugh out loud alone, are people to be concerned about."
Turning in her swivel desk chair she saw said Goblin King leaning in the doorway. This was hardly the most prudent time for him to be showing up. Every time he made an appearance she would become thoroughly distracted from whatever she was working on. Like the goblins she tended to notice that his royal highness did in fact where tight pants. He looked at her questioningly with a single eyebrow raised.
"No," she countered with a slight smile. "Such people are the best to hang out with- they know how to create free entertainment."
"By making up words? 'Woo-bulous'- sounds like a distant cousin to a Huffallump."
She seemed to seriously consider the possibility. "More likely a distant cousin to a Woozle. Woo-bulous Wozzles," she added in a murmur. Her chair swiveled side to side as she became lost in her thoughts.
Her creased his forehead. "Dear me Sarah, just what are you on today?"
"Nothing… unfortunately. I am actually suffering from an acute case of writer's block." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, he began to cross the room peering at her computer screen. Quickly she turned and minimized the window. "And just what can I do for the King of the Goblins today?" she asked meeting his amused face.
He smiled. "Actually I am here about your writing. Tell me Sarah, are my subjects a nuisance to you?"
"No," she answered honestly.
His eyes glanced at her computer. "Well they are most puzzled that you as of recently have forbidden them access to one of your stories."
"Oh." She looked away, trying to think of the right way to carefully and successfully explain her reasoning. "Trust me, I have their best interest at heart."
He folded his arms across his chest. "Something that isn't appropriate for the goblins, involves the word 'woo-bulous', and is being penned by the good, wholesome natured Sarah Williams- dare I inquire further on the matter?"
She refused to look at him.
He leaned forward. "Are you writing something… questionable? Dirty?" he then added in a low voice.
"Please! It's not porn if that's what you're hinting at."
"You're the one who suggested it was something inappropriate; I'm merely prompting for more information."
She glanced back at the computer screen. "It's a romance novel," she admitted reluctantly. "And it is not dirty… well, what I have written isn't dirty. I'm trying to prevent it from becoming dirty." Having realized how many times she had used the word "dirty" she decided to quit rambling.
"So where does 'woo-bulous' fit into all of this?"
"That was part of a writing exercise. You take a word and use it in as many crazy forms and ways as possible. It is suppose to promote thinking outside the box. Woo and fabulous: woo-bulous."
"Ah-ha! So no doubt you've had wooed, wooing, woo-ful-,"
"So I suppose you could have something happen that would be woo-per then?" he offered.
"Hadn't thought of that one yet." She laughed. "Woo-per! Oh- woo-fic!"
He laughed relaxing his stance. "Is this helping at all?"
She leaned back in the chair stretching her legs out. "I'm really not sure."
"Perhaps," he began, turning to pull another chair close to the computer. "instead of suffixing the word, you should attempt to use it as both a verb and a adjective."
She was going to be wooed until her head spun, Sarah recalled her earlier thought. She raised her eyebrows inquisitively at him.
"For example," he said leaning on his knees. "You're leading man could say something like, 'I could woo your woo-ful body any time." He said it with a husky tone.
She evaluated how close he was. Her body shifted forward. "I could woo you all night long."
His eyes squinted ever so slightly. "Could you now?"
She leaned away. "Possibly."
He smiled, flashing his teeth. "No doubt it would high woo of my life."
The next words were out before she could rethink them, "It would be woo-tastic. I just might even woo your mind."
There was a moment of silence.
"Let me read what you've written so far," he then said.
He sort of shrugged. "Male insight. Or we can sit here and continue having suggestive conversations."
"Take your pick."
"All right," she agreed standing up from her chair. "You can't be a harsher critic then some of your subjects."
They exchanged places. "They are required to take courses in constructive criticism. Never fear, I won't make you cry." He clicked the window open.