A/N: Do not own.



Having 49 successive names is enough for any guy. Because, really, most people just get one and stick with it.

Not me. I'm the Junior Bookman, 49 names in and going strong. By my next alias I'll have reached the big five-oh. Maybe the Black Order'll throw me a party.

I doubt it'd be a really good party though. I mean, can you see Yu dancing? Me neither. And Allen would try too hard and just embarrass himself and everyone else in the room. That kid's not meant to be cool.

So, it'd be just be me and Lenalee. Which would be OK, actually. In fact, it'd be pretty darn fantastic. A party with just me and Lenalee. Maybe Eliade could come too. And Lulubell. Chomesuke, too. That would be a good party.

Not that Komui would let me anywhere near Lenalee. He'd find an excuse to saw me into little bite sized Lavi pieces if I even touched her. I'm pretty sure Allen would take a swing at me too.

Man, that's depressing like you wouldn't believe. Allen's, what? Three years younger than me, about half my height and his entire body is the width of one of my shoulders, but Lenalee prefers that kid to anyone else. Yeah, I'm including myself in that, too, obviously. Not that I have anything against Allen. No way. He's great. Ton of fun, reliable, always a laugh, great to have on hand during a card game. He's one of my best friends, next to Lenalee and Yu.

Of course, Yu would never admit it. Ah, dearest Yu. Now he's a laugh. Just calling him by name and watching him try to vaporize me with his eyes is a great way to pass time when I'm bored. And that time I braided his hair? Classic. I mean, what can I say? It's just so pretty. Lenalee once told me that she was jealous of it. Under strictest confidence, naturally. But that's me. I'm great at keeping secrets. It's part of the whole Bookman package.

Which, incidentally, is pretty much a total funsucker. The Bookman package, I mean. In my life, I've been almost everywhere, no lie. But I can't tell you where, or what I saw, or who I met, 'cause that would violate some crazy rule and the geezer would come flying out of nowhere to whack me in the head. It really sucks, having all these great stories to tell, but not being allowed to tell them. Bookmen don't share their knowledge unless there's a real need for it. We just kind of…hoard it. But I wouldn't dream of being anything else. Since I was little, it's all I've ever wanted to be. Even this exorcist thing is just temporary. The fact that I'm an accommodator is just a lucky break, really. The old panda said we'd have followed the Order anyway, but me being an exorcist just makes the whole shebang easier.

It doesn't make it easier for me, though. Being an exorcist and an apprentice Bookman spreads me kind of thin, ya know? Makes me feel like I have a foot in both worlds—a Bookman's solitary, unemotional one, and an exorcist's, built around hope and sacrifice and your friends.

Sure I fight alongside Allen, Yu, Lenalee, Krorykins, Miranda and everyone else, and I'd die for them, and they'd do the same for me. I think. Probably not Yu, if it got in the way of the mission. But anyway, at the end of the day, I really shouldn't feel like that. I'm not really their comrade, and I have no business laying down my life for any of them. According to the Geezer, that's the biggest obstacle in my way to becoming a real Bookman. I have to watch dispassionately, record just the facts, create an unbiased account of what I've seen,

Yeah, right. Like I could write an unbiased account of that time Allen disappeared after trying to save Suman Dark, or that time Lenalee's Innocence saved her life, against all odds, or the time Yu died, or the time he came back. No way. I figure no one can do that. Even the old man has trouble staying composed sometimes. All records are biased in some way. Why else would we automatically know that the Noah were evil, even before the whole Road Camelot incident? Because if the records were really unbiased, we would have seen them as a group of people doing what they believe to be right, and only that.

Well, yeah, but what they believe to be right is killing off the entire world, and it's pretty hard to put an un-evil slant on that. But man, that Lulubell…and that crazy Road chick has a massive thing for Allen. If she didn't want to off us all, I'd be teasing him about it to no end. "Oh, Allen, there's something about you the bloodthirsty psychopath in me just loves!" When all of this is over, he'll hear no end of it.

Assuming we all live through this, and the world isn't destroyed. No pressure. Just a little highstakes, but take a deep breath and pretend it's a game. That's what I do. I'd probably go nuts if I didn't. I think that might be what happened to Yu. Cracked like an egg, he did. Could be what happened to Komui, too. That's not what happened to Allen though. I'm convinced that his black side is thoroughly Cross Marian's fault. I hope I never find out what he did to poor Allen. Krorykins has been a bit loopy since Eliade, ahem, left, and Miranda's been nuts the entire time I've known her. Allen and Lenalee said she used to be worse. Bloody shame, too. If those bags under her eyes cleared up, she'd be quite a looker.

So, I guess that makes Lenalee the only sane person I know. Obviously, I'm counting myself and Bookman among the insane. What balanced person would choose a life of watching from the outside? But I digress. Yeah, Lenalee's remarkably normal despite everything she's gone through. She's got guts. I love that about her.

Anyway, there's a train of thought that'll never make it out of the station. We need more women in the Order. So come on, girls! Activate those Innocences! Especially you blondes. And Eliade, if you have a sister, get to it. Or fake it. I really don't care at this point. With only two women, one of which jumps at breezes, the other of which has a murderous big brother, it's quite difficult to get anything. And I do mean anything. Lenalee and Miranda would make great nuns. It'd be a shame to cover those knock out bodies under habits, though.

Woah, I'm just gonna stop right there. Ladies, if you're reading this, don't mind that little tangent. Also, ladies, if you're reading this, I'm single.

Sunwindandwaves: Um, I love Lavi? And, gosh, he's kind of…like a mini-Reno. A Reno in the making. Reviews make me happy!