A Stained Seduction
Chapter 10: Confessions
"Alright," I agreed. I had a confession of my own to make. Now that the heat was gone and the moment was lost I could finally think clearly. My previous reasoning for bringing her up here was returning.
Although I knew now that I wanted a child of my own with Bella, more than I had ever realized, it was not fair to just take it from her. I had taken enough of her choices. I would not allow myself to steal this from her too.
What if she didn't want this? She would never tell me. I knew her well enough to know that. She would see what I wanted and decide that my happiness was worth her own.
We needed to discuss this like rational adults. I just hoped that our minds thought alike.
He leaned away from me and I could feel the coldness of the room rushed onto my over heated skin.
"I have something to say, as well," he murmured and I didn't like the way his voice sounded. He was too calm, his face adorning a mask of disinterest. His lack of expression scared me, I hated that he was hiding what he was feeling.
I wasn't that strong.
I must have shivered, because Edward lifted me up and placed me under the warm blankets, lifting them up to my shoulders. At least, I hope it was because I had shivered.
I mean, I knew that I would never be as beautiful as Rosalie, but I hoped that I wasn't that unappealing. He hadn't seemed to care if I was before. But then again, neither of us seemed to be thinking clearly.
"Ladies first," he said suavely, but his mask was still in place and I knew I couldn't trust myself around him when he was like this. I needed to tread carefully.
"Umm…" I wasn't sure this was a good idea now that I had to come clean. I should have just let things happen. I mean, Alice had to have seen the baby, so we had to have made the decision to have it before she told Edward. Who knew? If Alice hadn't said anything I could have already been pregnant by now.
How was I supposed to tell him that I had been manipulating him to get something I wasn't even sure he even wanted? Whatever way I said it, it would sound selfish.
"It's alright Bella; you know you can tell me anything."
His words were meant to be soothing, but I'd dreamt those words before and I couldn't stop the way my heart lurched in fear. His eyebrows rose in alarm when he heard it, mistaking it for something else.
"Bella?" He asked, yet I couldn't speak, I was suddenly without words.
"I can go first if you want," he offered and I nodded my head in agreement, still not trusting myself to speak.
Edward took a deep breath and I could practically see the mask shifting on his features, making them more stone-like. Even less human than they were. When his perfectly sculpted lips opened to speak I steeled myself for the worst.
Uh-oh, he was using my full name again, it must be more serious than I'd anticipated.
"You know that I love you, and I would never keep things from you unless I had an acceptable reason…" for once he was speechless.
"I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say is. ..that."
He paused again, taking one more unnecessary breath before composing himself.
"Bella, Alice showed me a vision that she had. You were in a nursery, you were soothing a crying baby and then I walked in and watched you with him…"
His eyes were boring into mine now, his mask all but forgotten as he tried to hold me with his words.
"It was ours. The baby in the nursery was ours, Bella. We created it. That is why Alice and I were fighting the other day. She wanted to tell you, to have you decide what you wanted to do with the information. I, on the other hand, didn't want you to know. At the time I was furious at her for even suggesting it. As if it wasn't bad enough that you were already giving up so much to be with me without having to add a child into the mix."
I understood now, why he wanted to keep it from me. He thought he was protecting me by withholding the information. He didn't seem to realize that he had already made a similar mistake when he thought he was doing something to protect me that ended up hurting us both. For a century old vampire he never learned.
"I couldn't have my family telling you so I brought you here to keep you from them. By the time we got back the date for your change wouldn't allow you the time to carry a child. Now, being here has muddled my mind and I don't know what to think now. I know that this would be yet again something I would be stealing from you but at the same time I want it now more than everything. I grew up here Bella; I died here, in this very town. What better way to start a new life than to start a life in the place my own ended?"
"Now that I know what I want, I know that I can't just take it from you anymore. By doing that I'd just be giving into my own selfish wants. Not even taking into account how you would feel. I don't want you to think I was just using you Bella, you should know that I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally. I love you, so much; I can't bear to think of you being unable to forgive me for stealing this from you. The thought alone drives me in-"
"I know," I admitted and I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders as said it.
"Know what…?" He asked and I could easily read the questions in his gaze.
"Alice made a promise to you. She vowed she wouldn't tell me about the baby… She didn't break that promise. Don't be angry at her or anything because she honestly didn't. She just sort of …went around it. You see, I knew about the baby before you had her promise not to tell me. So she never really told me since I already knew about it."
When I was finished his jaw tensed, his face shaped into a frown.
"You knew why I brought you here the whole time?" He asked hollowly.
I simply nodded; I couldn't trust my voice in that instant. I knew it would waver.
"Why? Why didn't you just tell me? We could have talked about it."
"I-I don't know." And suddenly I didn't. All the doubts I had before now seemed valid. Now, when I thought about what I had planned it all seemed wrong, deceitful. I'd been lying to him far too long. I loved him, and this was all for him. You didn't lie to the ones you loved.
"You should have told me, Bella."
He sounded disappointed and that was something I couldn't handle. He knew about it as well and was planning to keep it from me. He was going to wait until it was too late for us both.
He knew, too, and he never said a word. It wasn't fair. How could he be disappointed at me when we we'd both been deceitful?
"That isn't fair Edward and you know it," I said through clenched teeth.
Anger was flooding my bloodstream, and the wall that separated my brain from my mouth was washed away with it.
"You didn't say anything either. You didn't even tell me and it's my decision too! You just kidnapped me and brought me here. What would you have done if I really wanted this, Edward? Did you honestly think that if I had to give up my last few months for a baby that I wouldn't choose to give it? I love you, Edward, but sometimes you think too much. If you had just asked I would have told you how much I wanted it, your baby. It'd be the one thing I would chose to do before I lost the chance. The one thing I can give you that means something. I want this, Edward. I even let Alice drag me all over the mall to try and get you to want me!"
I was crying now, the sobs making my words sound strangled and airless.
"I want you. Don't you want me?" I asked fearing the answer.
"More than anything," Edward replied. "How can you not know that, after I've told you a thousand times? What will it take for you to see that? What do I have to do?" he probed.
Instead of an answer I leaned in and kissed him, the sparks rekindling as we fought for the control that neither of us wanted to have.
"You're sure this is what's right, you're sure you want this? Once we do this it can't be undone," I asked as I pulled away, our faces mere centimeters apart.
"How can I decide what's right, when you're clouding up my mind?"
I hit him playfully on the shoulder.
"Come on, Edward. Be serious."
He smiled at me before kissing me lightly again.
"This is right, Bella. I'm sure of it."
With that I renewed my efforts with fervor. I kissed along his neck and trailed the skin with my tongue before sucking lightly on what once was a pulse point.
"Bella, stop," he groaned.
"No," I said nipping at the junction of his jaw and his neck.
"Wait… Bella, please," he gasped as I pulled away, my teeth clacking together before my jaw dropped.
"What's wrong?" I asked carefully. I was so close, I could feel it.
"If we're going to do this we need to do it the right way. As much as we don't want to, I think we should set some ground rules…"
He trailed off, and I didn't want him to have the chance to over think it. He may think he was a monster, but I was sure he wasn't. Sometimes it was hard to convince him of that.
"Alright," I added, signaling him to begin.
"First, until I get the chance to confer with Carlisle, we need to keep my saliva away from your ... erm… openings."
He had the decency to look bashful. It was adorable despite the situation.
"Also, when we kiss we have to make sure your tongue stays away from my teeth and if your stomach starts to burn or become uncomfortable we have to stop. You have to tell me, Bella. This is going to be dangerous. It's like holding a flower petal against a cement block, if I lose control for one second-,"
"You won't," I interjected. He wouldn't hurt me. I knew that more than anything. I trusted him explicitly.
"You can't know that, Bella."
He was shaking his head side to side and I brought my palms to each side of his face to still the movement. His eyes lifted to mine, the amber was surrounded in a ring of green . I was unable to do anything to prevent my gasp. His eyes widen as he checked to make sure I was unhurt, not realizing what had caused it.
"Are you alright?" He asked urgently.
"Sorry, I just forgot about your eyes," I admitted sheepishly.
He stared for a second before I saw the comprehension shine in his eyes.
"Does it… I mean, does it bother you?" He cocked his head to the side and I couldn't help but smile at his nervousness. He was older than me in time but now, even after everything he'd seen, everything he'd done he sat in front of me, a seventeen year old boy. Not a century old immortal.
"No, I sort of like it. It's almost as if, just for these moments, your past and your present merge to become one. You're my Edward, but your old self at the same time. I love everything about you; your eye color won't change that."
He smiled, the moonlight shining off of his eyes.
"Also, I know we're running out of time so we can't do this completely right but, and please keep an open mind, we should marry before the baby is born," he said finally as his eyes bored holes into my own.
He held himself still. I doubted he was even breathing as he waited for my response. He didn't have to wait long.
"I agree, although I'd rather not think about the gossip that's bound to spread about our 'shotgun' wedding."
"I want to marry you because I love you, not because you're about to mother my child. Also, this is not me proposing, this is us discussing it. When I propose I'll be sure to do it the right way, ring and all."
He grinned, ducking his head as he caught my hand and kissed it.
"Please don't go spending a fortune on a ring. You know I hate it when you go overboard," I pleaded.
"Actually, I will be spending very little on your engagement ring. You have my word," he vowed.
"Good. Now is that all the rules?"
I readied myself for him to move but he didn't. He just sat in front of me and stared, waiting for something. Thinking he wanted me to do something I leaned forward and he leaned away.
"What are you-"
"You went shopping with Alice for me?" he asked.
"Yeah. Why?" I asked suspiciously.
"I think that since you and Alice went through all of the trouble shopping for me that I should at least get to see some of it. Don't you?"
I could see the green shooting through his irises as his words hung in the air.
Edward wanted to see me in lingerie.
The thought alone caused my heart to pound in fear. I'd never been more than one hundred and twenty pounds and I was a bit less than that now, but it didn't mean I was fit. I was already beginning to feel the inadequacy seeping into my pores.
I swallowed, trying futilely to moisten my suddenly dry throat.
"You don't have to," he said after I hesitated.
"No, it's fine. You're right. We spent all that time apart for me to find something to wear for you when this moment finally came I think I should at least wear it," I said, sounding more confident than I felt. It was a rare occurrence when Edward asked something from me that I could actually give him.
He was my constant supplier of happiness, how could I deny him his own?
I tried my best to smile as I maneuvered out of the bed, my mind rushing through the things that I had with me to choose from. I hadn't paid attention to the sheet I had used to cover up with, and it fell to the floor with a flutter, unnoticed by me until I was nearly to the door.
The tearing sound of fabric caused me to look back at Edward, whose green eyes were shining vibrantly as his fists buried themselves into the mattress. I froze, my muscles locking as redness seeped into my skin.
"Hurry," he murmured, the rough sound in his normally smooth voice was enough to unthaw my muscles and spur them into action. I darted out of the room and sprinted to my suitcase. I rummaged through it for a second before finding something I was sure Edward would like, grateful, now, for Alice's all day shopping spree.
I hurried into the bathroom and closed the door, leaning my back against it to calm my racing heart. I looked down to the dark material I had gathered in my palm and sighed.
At least he didn't run away when I told him I wanted to have his baby.
I settled myself and made my way to the mirror, what I saw in it made me cringe. My hair was a knotted mess, hanging limply on my shoulders. My lips were nearly as red and swollen as my eyes were. My skin was flushed with bright red splotches on it.
In all, I looked horrible.
I debated, shortly, on taking a shower, but decided against it; with that much time I could very well lose my nerve.
Instead I brushed the tangles out of my hair until it lay, slightly curly, on my shoulders. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, the cold water feeling refreshing against my overheated skin.
When I couldn't put it off any longer, I donned the skimpy corset and undies set.
When I had the courage to look I was stunned. The material was a dark blue, almost black with a lighter colored flower stitched just below my left breast down to the end of my rib cage. The bottoms, the same dark blue boy shorts held a single stitched flower petal right below my left hip. The color against my skin was stunning, even I had to admit that Alice definitely knew what she was doing when it came to fashion.
It made my light skin glow, and it was tight enough that I didn't feel all blubbery in it. I looked like a Victoria's Secret model. It created curves I never knew I had.
I ran my hands over the material, smoothing it out before I turned to leave the bathroom. My handed rested on the cool knob of the door and I took a deep calming breath.
This was it.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, as I turned the knob in my hand and pushed it open. When I opened them I gasped.
Lining the dark hallway were dozens of small candles, the smell of freesias was thick in the air. There must have been hundreds of rose petals leading a path to Edward's door. They were white, pink, and a dark red, all mixing together to create a soft carpet along the floor.
Tears prickled my eyes at the beauty. He was trying to make this special for me.
He didn't seem to realize that being with him is what made it perfect, but if this was what I would be getting, I was grateful. I treaded barefoot down the hall until I was near the partially opened door.
This was it.
Now or never.
I pushed it open, the knob hitting the wall lightly creating a small thud.
The room looked like it was glowing; there were rose petals and candles everywhere, the floor, the dressers, everywhere.
My eyes roamed the room before finally settling on the most perfect part. There, sitting on the edge of the bed was Edward, looking like a marble statue of perfection. Moonlight was shining through the draperies, casting a luminescent glow across his skin.
His eyes roamed my body as mine did his, the lights from the candles making the green look, if possible, brighter.
He gulped unnecessarily and I knew he was as nervous as I was. Granted he had more to be nervous of, he still didn't quite trust himself with me, though I trusted him wholly.
"Come here," he ground out, his voice deeper, huskier.
I hadn't realized I had started moving until I was within reaching distance of him. He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me down to him, fastening our mouths together.
There was no hesitancy now, no softness to the way his lips crushed mine. We were passed that now. It was no longer possible to control ourselves and I didn't care. I wanted it like this, unrestricted. It showed that I could make him loose control like he does to me, that we were even in that aspect.
He shifted to the left so that I lay under him as he positioned himself over me, I could feel his erection resting on my thigh through the thin material of his boxers. He broke the kiss and looked down at me, his eyes roaming my body greedily.
"Beautiful," he murmured, the tone of his voice causing the hairs on my arms to stand on edge.
His hands roamed my face down to the top of the corset before cupping my breast through the fabric.
I arched my back and moaned low in my throat. My body was on fire, every nerve ending growing more and more sensitive at every touch. His hand moved from my breast to the ties before undoing them and slipping the top off completely.
He kissed from my mouth to my neck and continued further. When he reached my breast he kissed it before taking my nipple, gently, in his mouth.
I cried out, my hands weaving themselves into his hair as I tried desperately to feel him closer.
His other hand roamed from my side to my other nipple spinning the hardened nub in his fingertips. His head moved down, and he planted kisses along my stomach again. This time he seemed to be gentler, taking his time, He splayed his fingers out wide and rested them, lightly, on my stomach.
"You're sure?" he breathed, looking up at me.
His eyes held something I had never seen there before. Hope.
"Yes." I choked out.
He didn't answer just moved lower and pulled the small strip of fabric from my hips.
I stopped breathing.
Just when I thought I knew what was coming next he moved up again and brought his lips to mine again. His hand once again moved from my midriff, as if he was memorizing every contour of my skin, down to my core. His finger pushed into me, stroking deep caresses, as they danced inside of me. Desire pooled low as his fingers stroked. His hands leaving a trail of sensation in their wake. My body was humming; every nerve ending was on fire.
With every stroke of his fingers I could feel something react, tighten, until it snapped. Time stopped as a wave of pleasure rolled over me until I was drowning in it. If this was my end, let it come.
Edward moved then, the languid movement causing the bed to rock slightly from the shifting weight. I hadn't even noticed that he had taken off his boxers until I looked between us.
A thick blanket of fear settled itself upon me. I had never felt so slight, so small, than in that moment. He was way too big, it would never fit.
He moved again, positioning himself at my entrance. Then he stopped, and looked at me for permission. I nodded and he shifted again, his hips fitting themselves in-between my thighs. He resumed kissing my neck, most likely to distract me from the pain that was sure to come. He pushed forward, slowly, into me. The feeling of him stretching me was unbelievable, there was a slight burning but it was almost a pleasure pain. I was in awe; I had expected pain but was rewarded with the opposite. I gasped as he filled me to the hilt.
He paused, pulling back to look at me.
"Are you alright?" he asked gently.
I couldn't speak, I was past that now, so instead I settled on a smile as I lifted my hips up to his.
He pulled back slowly, the dragging sensation causing my toes to curl in delight. His hips shot forward as he thrust forward, harder this time, through my delicate folds.
Then he repeated the action again and again, driving himself deeper, the pressure a constant reminder of his invasion. Each stoke winding me tighter and tighter till the room seemed to still, then explode, as once again the world erupted in color and I cried out.
"Oh God, Bella," Edward rasped, as he fell with me riding out the waves of pleasure as my muscles clenched around him.
We collapsed together, spent. Edward lay there beside me, smiling to himself as if he had just won a prize. We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other; Edward, stroking my hair every once and a while as the candles flicker off the walls, causing them to glow warmly.
'You know…" Edward said, neither of us needing to look at each other, his fingers gliding over my hair.
"You might not get pregnant your first time," he said seductively.
I looked over at him raising my eyebrows in question. He was staring at me and when our eyes met he grinned devilishly.
"Again," he growled, and we did.