(A/N): When you think of the name I want you to imagine it being said like how Gaz does about Dib in Gaz, Taster of Pork.
I basically got this idea for a fan fic from last year when I went on the Japan tour with my school and we were paired off and put in with homestays. She didn't speak ANY English and had to use this little digital dictionary, and it was kinda embarrassing. On the last day our homestay told us this word. She said that it was Japanese slang for how we Aussies say "G'day" (I have NEVER said that in my life!). So off we went, happy as Larry, ready to show off our new grasp of the Japanese language to our teacher. She'd taught English in Japan for a few years so she knew nearly EVERYTHING and when we said it causally to her she asked us who told us that and why we were saying it. When we explained she burst out laughing and told us it was Japanese for whore.
DISCLAIMER: I own NOOOOTTTTHHHHHIIIING because going on the Jap tour sent me broke.
'Oh, shwarq it!' Zim cried from across the cafeteria. Dib ears immediately picked up on the obviously alien word.
'What was that Zim? I didn't quite catch that.' Dib said scooting over to Zim's table. Zim glared at him, but said nothing, and tried to use a filthy napkin to scrub a food stain out of his uniform. 'You may have to translate for hose of us who don't speak Irk.'
Zim glanced around and lowered his usually piercing voice. 'For your information, Dib-pig, it's Irken. And I was just cursing this inferior human food! Never comes out! Particularly chocolate…' Zim remembered the time Gir had got a hold of some and a microwave. He shuddered. Dib raised an eyebrow but continued anyway.
'Oh well, then next time just say fuck.' Dib said sarcastically then noticed Zim's confusion.
'Far-kk?' He sounded it out. 'What is its meaning?' Dib hid a smile.
'Yeah, uh… It's French…!'
'Wrench? What do work tools have to do with anything?' Zim asked, annoyed.
'No, French. It's another language on this planet.'
'There is more than one language in use on the same planet?!' Zim said skeptically. 'Or are these "French" not human and a foreign race?'
'No, they're human. But that's not the point. Just say fuck really loudly and no one will give you a second look.' Dib said getting Zim back on topic.
'You still have not told me, Dib-human, what is its meaning?' Zim asked a little more forcefully.
'Oh, um, it can mean a lot of things. It's an adjective, a noun AND a… verb!' Dib said vaguely, but made it sound impressive.
'Explain. ZIM DEMANDS EXAMPLES!' Zim shook his fists at the roof.
'Okay… Adjective: He's a fucking bastard. Noun: What a fuck-head. Verb: Uh… Go fuck yourself. Get it?'
'Eh?! Is there anything this word can't do?!' Zim cried.
'Nothing! It's the ultimate word! It can even make people think you're more normal.' Dib widened his eyes in mock horror. 'Oh no!! I have unwittingly revealed the secret to complete cover!!'
'Wahaha! Pitiful human! Unable to keep his fucking mouth shut!' Zim cried and ran over to Chunk's table. Dib watched in total delight. Zim was gunna get his head bashed in!
'Huge moose-human.' Zim tapped Chunk on the shoulder.
'What do you want, freak?' He asked nastily.
'Fuck you.' Zim smirked and leaned in close to Chunk's face. Chunk growled and his face turned red. The whole lunch room went silent.
'What did you say?!' Chunk said and got out of his chair and towered over Zim. Zim didn't even falter, probably just thinking this was a step to becoming normal.
'You heard me. I said, fuck you.' Chunk practically roared and pulled his oafish arm back, ready to punch Zim in the face. Just as it was about to clean a path through his head, Zim deftly caught his arm.
'Whuh…?' Chunk said confused, Zim should be on the floor begging to take back what he'd said. Everybody there "ooo"ed in unison. Without even needing to think Zim wrenched Chunk's arm back and forward and slammed him flat on his back. Chunk stared up at the small green kid above him, dazed. There was a collective gasp, and then suddenly everyone was cheering for Zim. A crowd of popular kids picked Zim up over their heads and carried him from the room while everyone else followed. If it was possible, Zim looked disgusted and smug at the same time.
'Zim! Zim! Zim! Zim!' They cried as they carried him further and further away. Dib and Chunk were the only two left in the room. Dib mouth was opened wide as he stared after the parade. He slid off the seat and onto his knees.
'CURSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!' He shouted at the ugly roof.
(A/N): I couldn't resist that last line…