Title: No Easy Decisions
Spoilers: Season 5. Episode: Queen
Disclaimers: I do not own any rights to Stargate Atlantis.
Comments: This story is told from the John and Teyla's POVs. I thought of this story before I even saw the episode the Queen, but I never posted it. It came to me after seeing the preview for the episode.
Summary: John and Teyla are having a discussion before Teyla's transformation.
"Are you sure you want to do this," I question, grimacing, as I see the look on her face. We are here in the infirmary, waiting, I'm standing by Teyla's hospital bed. Teyla is sitting up in the bed waiting for Dr. Keller and her operating team.
I know I'm frowning, watching John as he looks at me, "I, I'm becoming the thing that I have most despised all my life. Knowing and living with the knowledge that I have Wraith's DNA is one thing, but becoming a Wraith Queen is quite another." I hear myself responding.
I have my own reservations about what we were about to do, allowing Teyla to put her life in jeopardy this way. Teyla, changing her appearance to become a Wraith's queen, to attend a Wraith's summit with Todd.
Uneasiness took root in the core of my being at the thought. I don't trust Todd. Todd has his own agenda. I know he would betray Teyla if it suits him. If he causes anything to happen to her; no I can't think that way. I think I will have that conversation again with Todd to tell him what I would do to him if he let any harm come to Teyla. I feel my body tense.
I'm still looking down at Teyla - watching her quiet's struggle with what was about to happen to her. I'm here to give her support and little does she know that I'm also here to reassure myself. Deciding she didn't need to see my worries too, I smile half heartily. But it was a smile in appearance only.
"You could change mind. I think everyone would understand."
I'm momentarily, taken back by the words that came out of my mouth. I have no regrets that I have voiced my thoughts. I'm here in this room, next this woman that I care a great deal about. Wrestling with the reasons why this mission is a good idea and the reasons why it is not.
I'm military man. I'm not supposed to let my feelings sway my decisions. But, this is Teyla. My mind is telling me all the things that could go wrong with this mission. My heart feels like I've run a mile. Yet, somehow instinctually, I knew she needed to hear those words, but still I know what her response will be, so I look at her waiting for her reply. And dredging it!
Searchingly, I stare up and John. I know he is giving me a way out. Is the uncertainty that I'm feeling in my very soul so readable on my face? Is it that obvious? I look at John and I see his doubts mirroring my own. There are times that I can read his emotions and there are other times that I can not. I'm resigned to my decision. At least in my mind, not so much my heart, I know this is right thing to do.
"John do I have a choice in light of what Todd told us about the Wraith? We can finally neutralize the Wraiths as a threat… (Pausing) Growing up has a child, I knew I had this special gift. It wasn't a gift to celebrate, but it was a gift I could use to help my people. What I'm doing will not only help my people, but the people of this galaxy to live their lives without the threat of the Wraith. I have to do this for my son."
As I'm listening to Teyla, voicing her reasons for agreeing to this transformation, I'm struck that I'm not surprise by her words because this is the Teyla I know. I find myself concentrating on her face, memorizing every contour, her expressive eyes, the full of her lips because after the surgery I'm not sure what face will greet me. Although, it will be Teyla, it will be Teyla who is now a Wraith Queen; the human part of her non existence to the human eye.
I see Dr. Jennifer Keller approaching form out the corner of my left eye. My heart that had felt it had run a mile is now beating faster if that was remotely possible. I don't feel right about this mission and if I had my choice, Teyla wouldn't be doing it, but it is not my choice. And I respect and admire Teyla's choice to do this even, if my mind and heart is screaming no, I don't want you to do this.
Frowning, "Teyla, I want to tell you …"
"Teyla, we are ready for you," Dr. Keller informs Teyla as she interrupts our discussion.
"Okay Jennifer. I'm ready."
Whatever I was going to say will have to wait I guess; sighing. "I guess that is my clue to leave then." I look at Teyla seriously once more, "You don't have to do this."
"I know," she replies with a half smile, but the smile did not touch her eyes.
"I guess I'll see you after the surgery then." As I leave the room with my own fears and doubts regarding Teyla's decision to go ahead with this surgery and mission, I knew for Teyla regarding this mission there were no easy decisions.
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