Author's note: In case you guys are wondering just who Chris Chan is, I suggest you go to Encyclopaedia Dramatica. Com to find out more on the guy. Once you read the who article, you will understand everything. In short, he is a creep. Once again, try to review it. I need some suggestions on how to end the story, as I am currently blank on how to conclude will most likely come to an end at part 10 or 11, but that depends....

Ba-bump, went Lucy's nose. She felt like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer as she came to. She fell off something and landed softly on the floor, which was a plush carpet embroidered with designs of....

'Pikachu?' Lucy inquired as she stared dumb founded at the strange thing on the floor.

'No, this isn't Pikachu. It LOOKS like Pikachu, but it's....'

Lucinda gave an exasperated groan in her head, 'It's SONIC! Dumbass. Learn your popular culture, Neko.'

Lucy looked at the carpet on the floor and temporarily forgot about her wretched nose. She giggled a bit as she finally came up with a name for the strange hybrid on the floor, 'It's....Pika sonic?'s Sonichu!' Lucy giggled crazily as her eyes rolled around the room.

The first thing she noticed was that everybody was chained to the wall with some kind of furry bondage apparatus. It was faux leopard fur of all things, making it look rather disturbing on the thick and hammy wrists of Ash, who was busily snoring with a trail of snot running down his nose.

Lucy realized that she kind of felt lightheaded herself, coming to the conclusion that that 'fat man' had given them some kind of potent sedative. How long had she been knocked out?

Lucy looked at her free limbs.

And why was she the only one that was free?

For that matter, where did Akari go?

There were several TV's stationed around the room. Lucy expected at any moment that Jigsaw would pop up on one of the screens and intone, 'Hello, Lucy.....blah blah blah something about you being unappreciative about life....'

One of the TV's were on, and it showed Akari being stationed in a room similar to the one Lucy was stuck in.

As Lucy's vision cleared to about six hundred degrees, she realized that the room was chock full of toys and memorabilia all the way from the mid nineties all the way to her time.

It consisted mostly of Pokemon, Digimon, and plush toys from unknown anime. Lucy noted wit h some amusement that there was the random anime bikini figurine stacked inconspicuously among the rows of Charizards and electronic buzzing Anoriths. One of them was Naru from Love Hina, a show that Lucy detested to the point where she considered writing a letter to Ken Akamatsu about his atrocious manga ka skills.

It would have looked like a normal spoilt child's room, but there were several factors that marred the innocent atmosphere.

First off, Lucy took note of the multi coloured dildos that lined the walls. They were of hilariously varying sizes, all the way to a monstrous fourteen inch cock with rubber spikes all over it.

There were anal beads, Hentai Magazines, bottles upon bottles of scented lubricants and lotion, and to top it all off, there were eight blow up dolls positioned around the room, each seemingly doing their own thing. Love Doll Megumi was sitting comfortably on a chair reading, (of all things,) a children's night time storybook, and Pleasure Doll Hitomi was standing by the bookshelves, as if trying to pick out a suitable Hentai magazine for a lonely night.

They were of exceptional quality, suggesting the loser that purchased them was drowning in cash.

Lucy gagged in disgust and observed the lighting, which was dimmed to the point of making the room seem like a sleazy downtown sex boutique, (give or take away a few Pokemon Toys.)

Alicia was slowly waking up. She was visibly sore from being launched into a wall by an uber demon. The way she moved suggested that her hips would never be the same again. Lucy winced a little as she made an attempt to slide off the bed. Somebody had rough handled her...and....

Stole her panties.

Lucy gave a slight yelp as she attempted to cover up the view she had just made by hitching up her skirt. That Chris Chan freak had....

Lucy gave a low growl and envisioned using her vectors to rip out globules of fat from the man child, blob by blob.

The first that popped out of Alicia's mouth (not surprisingly) was, 'Where's Akari!?'

It came out sounding like a rusty unturned version of her previously melodious voice, ( stomach acid does that to your throat) which culminated in Lucy almost clapping her hands over her ears in disgust, 'She's over there, I guess.' Lucy pointed at the television screen with a casual thumb, 'She's in another room or something....'

'AKARI!!' The malnourished blonde struggled against her bonds with admirable desperation, giving up only after she realized that any further jerking would dislocate her joints.

Sure enough, her racket woke up the rest of the motley crew. Akira gave a groan and rubbed her eyes wearily. Her leg was cast in some kind of splint, (the colour pink of all the colours. How she hated pink.) She said in a hoarse voice, 'Can someone please tell me where we are?' She sounded a little bored. Not that anyone could blame her though. All the events that transpired were enough to make a normal human bored at the prospect of facing yet another supernatural situation.

'I think we're in Chris Chan's room.' Lucy shrugged and picked up a die cast Sonichu toy, 'Can't really say we've got a lack of things to do here though....'

Lucy felt her stomach do a gymnastic routine when a soft voice came from the top of the shelf, 'Can someone get down from here?' Lucy looked up and saw a limbless, (and naked) Nana perched on the very top of the porno magazine shelf. She was put on some kind of pedestal, almost making it look like she was some kind of oversized limited edition sculpted bust of an obscure anime heroine.

Lucy grunted as she reached for the hapless diclonius. Her vectors weren't really working yet- the pain in the center of her skull was still persisting with a vengeance.

Setting a (still) glaze eyed Nana down on the squishy bed, Lucy gave a sigh and crossed her legs, covering up the view that Kouta would inevitably find quite arousing. Not that he hadn't seen it before though. They did have protected sex several months before, but given the fact that both of them were virgins, the whole affair was a grinding and awkward process.

'Nothing like you see in those steamy romance movies.' Lucy thought dejectedly as she played with the faded Sonichu toy.

'I demand an explanation.' Growled Akira, 'You definitely had something to do with this mess. For all I know, Neo Venezia's in flames right now! And it's all you and your....your....' Akira looked at the snoring Ash and slapped him on the cheek, 'WAKE UP, PIG!!'

'Wuh, oh, wuh,wuh?' Ash snapped his head around several times before realizing that the furious face of Akira was looming down at him with a killing intent.

'Wuhhh....What's up, doc?' Ash quipped, earning another slap from Akira.

'Don't need to be so harsh, sugar....' Ash rubbed his cheek. He leaned out of the way, completely getting rid of Akira's limited range of striking.

Her chains gave a cling! As it notified her of its presence. Akira deflated, 'This is great....just GREAT! We're stuck in some pedophile freak's room, and we're probably going to-

'Get raped? Yeah, probably.' Lucy said dully. She looked around the room, 'No way out. No door I can see....'

Alicia started to weep, 'Why did I drag Akari into this....Why.....'

'Don't be too hard on yourself. It's not your fault.' Akira said gruffly. It was quite obvious that she wasn't used to patching up emotional situations, 'We'll get her back....'

Lucy rolled her eyes, almost laughing at the thought, 'And just how are we going to get out of here?'

'You are the only one that's untied.' Athena pointed out in a dull voice. She seemed to have lost the operatic edge to her vocal abilities, ' I'm guessing you'

Lucy gave a groan, 'But without my vectors, I've only the strength of a normal human! How the hell am I supposed to-

Kouta gave a toad like croak as he snapped into consciousness. He shook Mayu awake, as well as the battered Yuka, who now looked like some kind of weird alien with the blood clot in her eye.

'Lucy....why are you...the only one....that's untied.....' Kouta moaned, 'I feel nauseous....'

Lucy tightened her crossed legs guiltily, 'Can't really explain why. Maybe he's-

'Maybe the Chris Chan creep is planning to violate you. Maybe he's the type that gets turned on by resistance?' Lucinda inquired in an oily voice.

Lucy mouthed the words, 'Shut the fuck up.' To her evil alter ego and managed a weak smile at Kouta, 'I actually don't really know. Maybe this is some kind'

'Like that...Saw movie?' Mayu peeped, 'I don't wanna die....'

Kouta stroked Mayu's hair in a surprisingly fatherly fashion, a role that Lucy never thought Kouta would have the responsibility of fulfilling, or even acting out for that matter.

Yuka gave a wet grunt and attempted to slide next to Kouta.

Lucy would have said something snarky about Yuka's inability to talk if it were not for the dire situation at hand.(Her jawbone was broken by the fiascos that occurred.)

'Ungh nugh ngugh....' She cooed at Kouta, attempting to lay her head down on his shoulders but utterly failing due to the furry chains that held her back.

Akira gave a loud sigh, attempting to break the tension that was almost visibly forming in the air between Lucy and the bulge eyed brown haired girl, ' not what I expected on my two week leave. She peered at Aika, who was giving out deep snores and drooling out some kind of purple substance. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she overdosed a little bit on the sedative. The fact that it was purple matched the kiddish theme of the whole shenanigan.

Akira wondered if it tasted like grape, 'I was planning to spend some time with Aika at Neverland, but that's all gone to pot now.....'

She glared at Ash, who shrugged nonchalantly, 'Look sugar, I don't know why you keep on blaming me, but I can assure you that I had nothing to do with those-

He noted Lucy's annoyed look and decided to change his response, lest the diclonius decided to rip off his head later, 'Okay, I had something to do with those zombies, but I literally just fought them several hours before I landed in this.....' He searched for a word that would top hellhole, but found an even more ridiculous expression slipping out of his mouth, ' Waterhole. I don't know, but I definitely, definitely, know nothing about that....thin guy in the suit, and that Chris chan guy....I swear....' Ash licked his lips nervously. He took note that his chainsaw had been confiscated .It wasn't working anyways, so it didn't really matter.

Alicia kept her eyes glued to the televisions screen. The little pink haired figure in the middle of another room of a freakish man child was curled up in a ball, crying helplessly as she....listened to something. Perhaps the message was blocked out, but something was definitely speaking to her. She kept on wincing and shuddering at the end of every 'sentence'. The vocals were mostly obscured by quiet static, but Alicia could make out something out of the quiet jumbled mess. She could make out , 'Sweetheart', and something along the lines of ' girlfriend.'

Alicia's face turned puce as she put together the pieces, 'HE'S GOING TO RAPE MY AKARI!!'

Lucy felt the intense urge for a double face palm.

'Ya think?' Lucy intoned sarcastically, 'Why would he isolate her from us like that then? To look at her?'

Alicia gave a great wail of despair and gave herself a face palm.

Nana was muttering something under her breath- it was as if she was secretly reciting some kind of incantation to get the group out of the man child's room.

Wait a second, Nana had vectors.

Lucy snapped her head sideways to face a baleful Nana, who stopped her soliloquy short and stared at her arch nemesis with teary eyes.

Lucy felt a pang of guilt seeing Nana like this, but this was no time to feel sorry for the almost fully doll-ified shadow of Nana's former self, 'Can you still use your vectors?' Lucy inquired in the gentlest voice she could possibly muster. Nana didn't seem to mentally stable at the moment.

The limbless husk of a personality twitched her head slightly, 'what vectors?' She murmured in a voice tinged with ancient wisdom, ' I can't use them anymore....' She then fell back into self contemplation as she let her limbless body tumble backwards onto the bed.

'Like a dead bug.' Lucy thought offhandedly.

She felt a cold wind go up her behind and suddenly realized that in her rush to interrogate , the entire view of both her privates were facing Kouta and company.

Kouta was busily pretending he didn't see anything, all the while shielding Mayu's eyes from the sight. The funny thing was that Kouta and Ash were not the only ones with tomatoes for a face. Akira also joined the blushing party with a face that had a slight hue of puce.

Lucy gave an uncharacteristic girl yelp and shot back into her cross legged position.

Akira looked a little disappointed, while Ash was still looking at Lucy with a string of drool running down his mouth.

'What?' Lucy snapped. Her face was burning, 'Never seen a girl's thing before?' She put in a little bit of condescension just for safety.

Ash smiled his maddening smile, ' Toned legs you've got there.'

Lucy flipped Ash the bird, sending off an awkward silence that was marred only by Alicia's weepy tirades.

Athena busily toyed with her handcuffs. It was as if she expected to find some sort of magic clicking mechanism that would unlock the cuffs if she just touched and wandered her fingers around the thing in just the right manner.

'Look, this isn't Hellraiser.' Kouta said dreamily, 'It isn't going to open just like that.....'

Akira found herself staring at a mass of magenta hair. Lucy had slipped silently from her perch and decided to do a little investigation on the structure of the chains.

Surely enough, they were hammered into the wall with metal plates for good measure. It would have looked like a dry wall from far away, but in actuality, it was solid steel, painted with the stucco texture of an off white powder structured wall.

With a sudden jerking motion, Lucy pulled on the chain with almost enough force to dislocate her own shoulders. Some stupid wishful thinking had caused her to believe (albeit momentarily, )that she had the hidden strength to bend steel.

Instead, all she got was two sore shoulders. She collapsed on the floor and gave a huff of frustration.

Akira twitched her mouth, 'What was that for?'

'Just....wishful thinking.' Lucy said under her breath. Her vectors were still not coming out. They had come out temporarily when Nyarlahotep launched the fireball at her, but that was probably just a fluke. For all she knew, her vectors might never come out again.

And she was missing one horn. Would that mess up her hormones and give her a hairy chest or something? A diclonius losing one of her horns was like....a guy losing his mojo, or something like that.

Athena was still running her fingers over the lock and staring at it with a child-like wonder.

Akira gave Lucy a look that said, 'She's always like this.' And turned back to watching the purple ooze slide out of Aika's mouth.

Lucy suddenly took note that the green haired girl was absent. Maybe she had been eaten by that Chris Chan guy? She wouldn't put it past the freak to be a cannibal like Jeffery Dahmer or something.

So far, nothing was happening to Akari inside the TV. It seemed like he was saving them like delicious morsels for later consumption.

Then again, why would Chris Chan keep Kouta and Ash alive? Maybe he was going to assert his male superiority by raping her in front of them?

Lucy slid back and felt the intense urge for a mirror. She was pretty sure she was looking like a clown that hocked up too much cocaine in one fell swoop.

'Kouta, do I look like....a clown right now?'

Kouta looked at Lucy, pondered over the analogy, and started to repress and chuckle, 'Sorry to break it to you, but....your nose is kind of battered.

Akira raised an eyebrow, 'I think it's broken. I don't think you have anything left to bleed out.'

Lucy ran her fingers gently over her blob of a nose, 'I look like a drunken Irishman right now.' She noted drily, 'How I wish I can get this feels like something plastic's stuck up my nose....'

Akira snorted and tried to put an arm around a distraught Alicia, who was paying close attention to Akari TV screen.

'Well Kouta....just when we were about to live out our lives, this happens.' Lucy decided to fully ignore the presence of the battered Yuka.

'Yeah....I guess....' Kouta gave a sigh of defeat, 'Looks like nothing's meant to work out for us, eh?'

'It's like we're jinxed or something.' Lucy meant this whole heartedly. Their relationship was rockier than a craggily etched piece of gravel burnt by sulphuric acid.

' least we're all together right now.' Kouta ruffled Mayu's hair with a generous amount of clinking with his chains, 'We were about to give you home schooling too....'

Akira jumped in, 'Well, life's a bitch. Being a lesbian doesn't really help either....'

Alicia's eyes opened as wide as ostrich eggs as she snapped her head away from the TV set. She had temporarily forgotten about her worries towards the huddled figure in the screen, 'Alicia san you're....'

'Yeah, that's right. I think it's 'bout time I told everyone. I'm a dyke! So live with it and be merry.'

'No, I mean-

'What? That you didn't see the signs all along? I act so butch I can freaking body build-

'NO!' Alicia yelled out this line with an ear shattering scream.

The whole room fell silent.

A Pikachu fell off its perch and landed on Love Doll Hitomi's lap.

'I mean....I'm sorry....' Alicia gave a teary little sniff and wiped her nose, 'I meant....I'm the same as you, Akira san.'

Akira looked like someone had stuck a pin up her ass, 'What? ' She narrowed her eyes, 'In the context of.....

'I'M IN LOVE WITH AKARI!!' She shrieked in that parrot like voice. Lucy noted with a hint of amusement that Alicia's voice degenerated from a melodious flute, to poorly tuned flute , to rusty flute all the way into the grating screech of a parrot.

Even Athena seemed swept out of her reverie as she took time to digest this new piece of information.

Akira cleared her throat, 'Well, looks like we have a double confession today.'

She glared at Ash as if daring him to contradict their sexual preferences. Ash merely shrugged, 'Doesn't really matter to me. I never really knew you guys.'

'That's....quite brave of you.' Lucy grudgingly admitted. She herself would have never found the courage to stand up on stage in front of complete strangers and scream 'I'M A DICLONIUS! LIVE WITH IT, BITCH!' But then again, impending doom was staring the group straight in the face. Perhaps they were making a last minute confession before their demise at the hands of Chris Chan?

Alicia wiped a tear away, 'I fell in love with Akari at first sight.....her cute smile, her constantly confused and misguided optimism....I don't think she even noticed any of the signs.' Alicia paused for a moment, 'Maybe except that time I stared too long at her at the breakfast table. Her reaction was so cute....' Alicia jabbed a finger at the television and wailed, 'AND NOW SHE'S GOING TO DIE WITHOUT KNOWING MY TRUE FEELINGS!!'

Akira looked at Alicia sadly, 'Oh, shit....that's horrible.... if only we can get out of this fucking mess! HELP!! HEEELP!!!' She called several more times and finally gave up, guessing that the room was somewhere underground. The place had an earthy and oppressive smell to it- the smell of fresh soil after a heavy rain. Furthermore, there were brown stains on the ceiling, maps to unknown lands beyond the room of the man child.

Lucy looked at the Sonichu clock at the other end of the room. It perpetually read 6:00. The second hand moved up and down in a spastic and erratic manner as if possessed by some kind of clock demon.

She had had nothing to eat for the past ten hours, (possibly more if one counted the time she was knocked out.) and her stomach complained heartily.

Kouta found Mayu sleeping on his shoulder, (with ogre like grunts of complaint from the broken Yuka) and said silently, 'It smells like an old library in here....'

Nobody bothered to correct him.

Alice was in a jam.

Chris Chan was taking off his clothes in front of the befuddled 13 year old, his man boobs shown in their full glory as he threw down his striped shirt in a foppish flourish.

Alice had been the first to receive the honour of being Chris Chan's 'one true love.' She guessed he picked her because she was the youngest, seeing his not-so-subtle hinting at being a full blown paedophile.

Surprisingly enough, the oaf was stupid enough to assume that she would succumb to him like a swooning 30's movies star falling into her hero's arms.

Several glass eyed zombies were guarding the room, almost saying in their stoic poses, 'We saw nothing, continue on with your hanky panky.'

Chris Chan giggled in his reedy voice, 'I think it's time y-y-you....took off your clothes....Alice... ch-chan....'

The 13 year old looked at the 25 year old virgin with a dumb founded incredulity and looked back at the two guards at the door. They were certainly burly enough, as their vice grips prevented Alice from even wiggling in their clutches. If she were to escape now, it would be snack time for the zombies.

And Chris Chan had said something about his 'special powers' and how he would use them if she was not willing.

Alice gave a gulp as Chris Chan started to glow a sickly yellow. His Sonichu powers were manifesting themselves as the grin on his face grew wider and wider, 'Yes....Yessss.....'He moaned in a squeaky voice as Alice took off her Undine uniform.

Somewhere she had a fully formulated plan in her mind, she was still working on it, but she would get there eventually. It would involve something with....yes, something with the rows upon rows of dildos lined up along the walls. Some of them would be long enough to use as weapons....

Alice's prodigy mind worked itself overtime as she started to undress as slowly as possible.

Chris Chan, poor deluded fool that he was, thought she was teasing him, and started to scream out his Sonichu theme song as some sort of victory anthem.

Alice ignored the man child's overbearing screeches and focused her thoughts on the sixteen inch dildo that stood on the top shelf. It would require some luck, but it would take a large amount of persuasive skills on her part, something the dominant introvert in herself refused to comply with.

She put on her best seductive smile, (which was marred by the presence of braces.) and cooed to Chris Chan, 'Chriiss.... can I go get that big, BIG pickle from the top shelf?'

Chris Chan paused. He had a special name for cocks and this girl remembered it. This one was special.

A fat grin spread over his sweat beaded face as he worked up the not-so-sizeable bulge in his underwear.

Alice tried to do the Geisha walk that Akari jokingly taught her once, (she said it would get men to faint.) but failed miserably, making it look like a bastardization of the moon walk .

Chris Chan seemed to be salivating on the floor, each of his dog-like pants punctuated with a slimy sounding ugh from the bottom of his throat.

Alice tried to replay the chain of events in her mind. This morning....just this morning she was still practising at becoming a single, and possibly skipping a grade into being an undine. Just this goddamn time at noon she was still having a nice tea with her sempai. She remembered it was some kind of lemon zinger or something along that line. Everything went to pot when they received that call from the Himeya company.

She looked back at the flappy pedo with his jiggling man boobs and frowned. It was like she fell down into the rabbit hole and ended up with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, (now that she thought about it, Chris Chan shared an uncanny resemblance to the creepy twins, along with the slight copper he possessed in his hair.) Alice climbed onto the big, soft bed that was at least twice the girth of a king sized bed and retrieved the dildo with some measure of strain on her delicate hips. She hadn't bothered to stretch nor move them much, given her profession. The stillness of her body dictated the smooth sailing of the gondola.

It was a terrible rubbery thing, with a jelly-like texture over a mechanical tube of plastic that most likely took more than four fat batteries to power.

She smiled at Chris Chan with her crazy looking grin and tried her hardest to blush. She simply thought about Al Kun and what he would look like naked. Surprisingly enough, it did the trick- her face turned a slight shade of pink, causing Chris Chan to think that she would actually enjoy being raped by him.

Now was the tricky part.

'Chris Chan?' She cooed in a voice that desperately tried to hide her need to retch.

'Y-y-y-yes?' He stuttered. It was quite apparent that he had never been this close in proximity to a female before.

Alice started to have second thoughts about her plan as she started to say it out loud, 'Can you....bend over? I'll make you feel soooo good....'

First of all, how would she get past the two body guards? And Chris Chan would only be distracted for a minute.

Chris Chan thought for a moment, and put a finger to his lips in childish contemplation. He looked like a fat human version of Winnie the Pooh fifty years older, ' Promise not to do anything....naughty?' He giggled, '

Alice felt bile crawl up her throat as she murmured in the best voice she could, 'I'll....I'll stroke your....pickle for you. Erm....from....behind.....'

'Yes, and then?' Chris Chan's Sonichu medallion bounced again his man boobs as he shook in excitement, 'Will you....pleasure yourself with that black pickle? Like- like how those girls in th-those Hentai movies do? Y-y-you know....I know a bit on the subject....'

Alice felt the intense need to burst out laughing uncontrollably, but let it out as a shuddering groan. If she had laughed, who knows what kind of Sonichu powers her would unleash on her if she made him feel inadequate?

'I'll....I'll do just that....' She felt like she was doing a bad impression of a fat whore from Texas. She had unintentionally put a drawl into her voice, which seemed to make a sizeable impression on the not-so-substantial pickle Chris Chan possessed.

In a flash of events, she found herself behind Chris Chan, who was expecting her to stroke him from behind with her 'sharp little fingers,' As he liked to call it.

The huffing and puffing behemoth in front of her had an immense ass crack filled with cellulite, and Alice knew she would have to put all her strength into the endeavour if she wanted it to work.

She would think of something to deal with the zombies later. Maybe the rocking horse in the corner of the room would do? All she had to do was incapacitate them long enough to make her escape.

The Sonichu Medallion swung to and fro like a hypnotic yoyo as Chris Chan bobbed his head up and down, 'Stop teasing me baby....just be my sweetheart.....SWEETHEART!!' He squealed this last line like a stuck pig. It was almost enough to make Alice feel sorry for the man. The way he said it made it seem so innocent....He screeched it again in a higher pitched voice and lost all vestiges of pity Alice might have had for him.

Alice raised the black weapon like Excalibur and mumbled, 'Here it comes, you fat pig.'

'Wut?' Was the last thing the Chris Chan said before the black dildo was shoved up his ass with surprising savage strength from Alice.

It felt like pushing a sharp stick through loose mud, but her strength did the trick. It was probably because of her days a pitcher on the little league team back in grade one, but then again, his ass was spread wide open. For all she knew, she could have shoved it all the way up into his intestines.

Chris Chan gave a scream that shattered all boundaries of the sonic spectrum, seeming to shake the very foundations of his toy laden walls with his outburst. He lurched forward and fell over on the floor with a wet splat. Sure enough, the dildo was stuck fast, and it was somewhere in his sphincter.

The two zombies looked around the room like nothing happened.

The fat pig was in no shape to bark out commands at his minions, so Alice took the chance and bolted towards the door with the best of her 100 meter record back at school. She didn't even bother to grab her undine uniform as she kicked the door....

And found out it was locked.

The two zombies stared down at her apologetically, as if to say, 'Sorry buddy, the doors close at 8:00, but you can always come back tomorrow for happy hour....'

'DAMMIT!!' Alice screamed, pounding her fists on the whitewashed door.

Chris was still rolling around on the ground in pain. The dildo was shoved quite far up his ass, and it was causing his bowels to rumble dangerously....

'AHHhhhh....AHhhhh!!! I CAN'T GET IT OUT......' Chris Chan's chubby fingers flailed around in search of the foreign object, but it seemed that he was too scared to touch the insides of his own ass.

Speaking of which, Alice looked at her fingers and realized that they were caked with shit, goopy shit to be exact. The exact type of shit was now spraying out of Chris Chan's ass like chocolate rain, promoting more howls of pain from the quivering mound of blubber on the ground.

Spurts upon spurts of fecal matter spewed forth from his arse, caking the fluffy carpet in stinky chocolate, much to the stoic indifference of the zombies.

Alice decided to launch a particularly useful kick she learned from Undine Self Defense Class at the door. It would only be a matter of moments before the crying shit caked man child on the floor regained enough composure to use his powers.

The zombies looked at her quizzically as Alice repeatedly struck the door with a skipping donkey kick. It took her two or three tries, but the door eventually buckled a little bit, leaving a sizeable bruise on the her soles as she retracted her foot, aiming to shoulder check her way through the door.

She felt an invisible force grab her from the back.

Chris Chan was up and running, and the brown complemented the sickly yellow light that surrounded him, kind of like yellow frosting on a chocolate cupcake.

'I've got you now....why did you do that to me?' He said almost sadly, 'I only wanted to make a daughter named Crystal with you....'

He waved a flabby arm at the two burly zombies. 'Hold her....I'm afraid this is going to take longer than I imagined....'

'I was so close....I was so fucking close....' Thought Alice in despair as she gazed longingly at the semi caved in door. Chris Chan's dick was erect, and he was waddling towards her in literal baby steps.

Alice felt a rage come over her. She could be at home knitting right now, knitting on her favourite scarf, which was intended as a Christmas present for Athena. Here she was on this misadventure, being on the brink of being raped by some kind of fat virgin without a speck of maturity in his head.

Alice gave a frustrated scream from the bottom of her stomach, culminating in a savage scream that almost equalled Chris Chan's in terms of timbre.

Luckily for her, this little venting of her stress, caused Chris Chan to slip on his own puddle of shit, causing the man child to fall on his back with a sickening splash. Alice was pretty sure the fall paralyzed or winded him, as she saw no visible effort on his part in controlling his fall. He just hit the floor like a bag of wet cement.

Alice would not allow for the zombies to receive more instructions from their corpulent master. She viciously swung her heel into one zombie's crotch, all the while biting down on the rotting flesh of the other.

Both of the burly zombies gave moans of surprise and immediately let go of the rabid green haired girl. Alice had literally bitten off more than she could chew- she had a dripping piece of flesh in between her teeth crawling with specks of wiggling carrion.

She spat out the piece of putrid meat in disgust. It had a sort of chlorine taste to it- a rancid version of a mouthful of swimming pool water.

Alice knocked over a Hello Kitty High Chair as she scrambled onto the bed, closely pursued by the two zombies and a crawling Chris Chan, quite wary of the slimy substance on the ground now.

What she would give for Aika to be here and help her with those judo skills....Akari wouldn't be much use though. She would simply put her hands to her cheeks dramatically and scream operatically.

Flushed and breathing heavily, Alice noticed that the clasp of her bra was loose, not that she bothered to do anything about it though. She was too busy being transfixed by the shit caked face of Chris Chan slithering towards her like an eel out of the hole.

'I'll....I'll get you....' He mumbled in his reedy voice. The Sonichu Medallion had fallen off at some point. He raised a chubby hand and grabbed the bed, attempting to haul himself up.

Fortunately for Alice, the two zombies, strong as they were, did not possess any remarkable sort of speed. In fact, one could describe their movement as lumbering in place and getting somewhere every other second.

Alice remembered the rocking horse and decided to use it as a bludgeon. She reached out from the side of the bed and heaved the thing up with a mighty groan. It was apparently an antique rocking horse. In addition to being incredibly dense, the thing had splinters coming out of it.

'This thing belongs in the discount bargain bin....' Alice thought crazily as she brought the horse down on Chris Chan's head.

Her worries in the back burner about Chris Chan's supernatural powers were ill founded, as Chris Chan lacked any sort of reflexive skill to dodge a slow and strained swing of a wooden toy from the limp wrists of a 13 year old undine.

The horse came down on his head with a sickening crack, like a pumpkin being smashed with a sledgehammer. The corpulent thing underneath the wooden weapon gave a wet gulp from the annals of his throat and slumped off the bed, leaving streak marks of shit on the mattress. Alice's luck turned here though, as his last words consisted of, 'Eat mah sweetheart....' spewing forth from his mouth like the last remnants of his tormented soul.

The zombies looked at each other and then looked at Alice, who was still rather shocked at the pool of blood forming around Chris Chan's slumped head.

Alice caught the zombie's gaze and lifted the wooden horse above her head. It would take all of the muscle developed from her undine training to save her bacon now....


Lucy tossed around a plastic Jigglypuff doll that squealed, 'JIGGLYPUFF!!' Every time it impacted on some sort of surface. There was a wooden door leading out of the man child's room, but it was a red herring.

It wasn't a door, it was an exquisitely painted one made to look like a realistic door, complete with an infuriatingly spanking clean golden knob attached to it.

Akira had grilled Lucy a little bit about the contents of her life, and Lucy decided to spill the beans (because they were all going to die anyways. Snuck snuck) and told the horrified undines about her traumatizing childhood. She had deliberately skipped the part where she dismembered Kouta's father and his sister, but left enough gory details of her other killings to make the undines quiver in their boots. Ash merely smirked, 'So....that give you....several hundred life sentences then?'

'You're damn right it does.'

Yuka made a mumbling sound with her broken jaw. Kouta hushed her.

'So let me get this in love with that guy....' Akira pointed at Kouta with a strangely accusing finger, 'And then decided to change your murderous ways.'

'Exactly.' Lucy caught a doleful look from the (still) silent Nana and looked away.

'I have to say, that's a noble aspiration.' Akira put a finger to her mouth, 'It does kind of make me scared to be with you in the same room though....' She looked at Alicia ,who was still staring slack jawed at her pink haired Akari on the screen, 'Can't believe she took this long to come out of the closet though....' Akira then gave a harsh laugh, 'Then again, me always acting like a butch and trying to seduce the juniors doesn't really count for a confession of any kind....' She looked at Alicia for an answer. The blonde gave none. Athena suddenly gave a gasp of excitement as she realized how close she was to solving a bling crusted rubix cube.

'What do you guys do for a living? Are you guys sailors or something?' Lucy was determined to keep the morale of the room afloat. Knowing some of the personalities in the room, any small fuse would be enough to incite a full blown verbal flaming .

'You could say that.' Athena said softly. She had apparently given up on the Rubix cube, 'We actually row gondolas for customers and give them tours around the city....'

'Believe me, it's not as easy as it sounds.' Akira piped up, 'You have to have skill, speed, endurance....and insanely cultured form, or else you'll give your customers a bumpy ride.'

Ash sniggered.

'Shut up.' Akira said lightly, and then continued, 'We are called the Three Water Fairies, the best in the business, as one might say. Aika's my apprentice, Alice is Athena's and....' She looked at Alicia's longing stare at her pink haired object of desire, 'You know....'

'I see then....' Lucy wandered off. She wanted a job in something, but due to the scrutinizing and paranoid nature of the environment at home, she decided that no employee would want to risk getting Kakuzawa hot on their asses, not even the losers back at that local Pizza Hut, who endorsed that insipid anime Code Geass by making the token green haired girl pig out on said pizza.

'May I ask where you work?'

Lucy thought for a moment and decided on the safest answer, 'I'm still in university....considering my job options....'

'You have it easy then.' Akira grumbled, 'I have to finish my history degree all the while rowing people around Neo Venezia. Alicia's going for the same course, except she's doing it on the history and preservation of Aqua, am I right? Alicia?'

The blonde turned back to Akira and nodded slowly before 'stare guarding' the huddled pink figure in the room.'

'So....I'm a little curious....' Kouta inquired. Being the science fiction nerd he was, the next question was almost to be expected, 'How did they terra form Mars into....into....'

'Aqua?' Athena offered helpfully, 'Actually....we have manipulating stations up in the sky that regulate the atmosphere. It's quite complicated really....nothing us simple undines can really understand....

'Don't forget the gnomes.' Akira added, 'They are the ones that sustain the gravity here....air pressure and all that jazz. ' Akira laid herself back and continued to explain, 'You see....I don't really know the details of how Aqua was formed ,but all I know is that Earth is quite....erm....uninhabitable right now.'

An unexplainable chill crawled up Kouta's back. These kinds of things always scared him. He had once developed a slight fear of computers just from watching Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. He was afraid that playing Doom online would somehow trigger the whole internet to become sentient.....

'What do you mean, uninhabitable?'

'I mean, the pollution's gotten so strong back there that practically everything is indoors now.' Akira squinted and tried to recover some lost childhood memories, 'For example....there are indoor 'parks' now, complete with artificial nature trails and genetically modified animals that crawl around naturally. Can't really say they did a great job on it though.....I once saw a two headed squirrel with a rat's tail.'

She gave a deep sigh, 'We've definitely screwed over the planet with World War Three, that's for sure.'

'Is it going to happen in our world?' Mayu peeped. Back home, even the mention of firearms scared the living daylights out of her. She had mentioned something about her stepdad threatening her at gunpoint or something along those lines.

'Can't really say that for sure....' Athena was working on the Rubix Cube again, 'We're living in alternate universes, so there's almost no way of telling whether or not that's going to happen on your planet.'

Lucy smiled at Kouta's face, which was glowing radiantly with a feverish and nerdish grin, ' you're telling me that you've figured out the possibility of alternate universes?'

'At the cost of several scientist's lives, yes.' Akira said somewhat flippantly, 'They've warped themselves into a black hole, and lived long enough in their twisted bodies to tell us they landed in a world where Hitler won the war.'

'What was that like?' The mention of her guilty pleasure research subject piqued Lucy's interest.

'Well....the details aren't really clear, but apparently everybody was white, and the whole world had been named Germany.' Akira shrugged, 'At least....that's what Akatsuki told me.'

Lucy muttered something about the existence of Dicloniuses in that world.

'Who knows? Maybe they could exist in those worlds too...' Akira mused, ' It's kind of scary, really- the proposition of other know firsthand about that, don't you?'

Lucy looked at her striped socks and thought about why they were her favourite socks. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she wore them the day she had that conversation with Kouta on the stairway, ' Actually, when I think about it, you people were the only strangers I've met who didn't scorn me or anything.... I just.....kind of appreciate that....'

Akira frowned, 'Really? Can't really say much about that though. We all thought those....horns on your head were some kind of fashion statement.'

'True...true....' Lucy muttered, feeling a little bit embarrassed about her touchy feely comment.

All of the sudden, a gurgling sound came from Akira's side.

Aika had woken up, and was still dripping pink soap from her mouth, 'Whudda, whudda what?' She drooled a little bit more as a string of primordial noises spewed forth from her mouth.

'Aika!!' Akira held her apprentice's shoulders, 'Are you alright!? Can you still talk!?'

Aika nodded with a shit eating grin on her face, 'Don't.....worrrry....Akira sempaaaaiiii.....I'll be fine....' She hiccupped a little bit and made the peace sign.

'Shit. I think that stuff poisoned her or something.' Akira now looked as agitated as Alicia. It wouldn't be long before her gaze became all glassy and glazed....'

'Dooon't wooorryy.....' Aika burped, 'I don't think anyyyything's wrrrong with me......' She leaned forward and coughed out a cloud of pink gas.

Lucy made a disgusted face. The stuff smelled like cherry Tylenol mixed with a touch of sulphur.

'I think she'll be alright....are you feeling any stomach pains?'

Aika shook her head, 'Where in the world are we?'

Akira decided to give her apprentice the cold, hard truth. Saying that they were in an extra small toy store wouldn't really be a good alibi.

'We've been captured by that....Chris Chan guy.' Akira made a face, 'That pervert's gonna burn in hell, that's for sure....'

Aika didn't seem too fazed by the news. If anything, she seemed calmed by the revelation, 'Goood....then more toys for meeee.....' She looked around and squealed in delight.

'Alright, huh?' Akira looked at Lucy, 'I think that stuff's messed up her brain....'

Aika waved her hands around like a hungry baby and cooed at the toys on the wall.

'How will she ever become an undine now?' Akira put both palms on her face and groaned in despair.

Kouta's eyes inexplicably lit up with a fevered glow when he saw this, 'Wait! That reminds me of something....' He looked at Akira's position and thought hard, 'If only I can just remember what that reminds me of....'

Ash muttered a few obscenities under his breath, 'What? Got another one of your Sci Fi nerd explanations to share with us?'

''s just that...' Kouta put his face in between two sweaty palms, 'WAIT!! EUREKA!! IT'S FACEPALM!!'

'What?' Akira almost snarled, 'If you're making fun of Aika's predicament-

'No! It's just that your position is....relevant to an internet meme!'

Lucy gave an frustrated sigh, 'What is it, Kouta? Don't tell me this is another one of your conspiracy theories, because if it's the one about Area 51 being in Japan-

'An internet meme is an inside joke on the internet- spread through forums and....stuff.' Kouta's feverish glow never once left his eyes. They almost became watery as he spouted out his area of expertise, 'You see....that reminded me of this website called....Encyclopedia Dramatica, and-

'WHAT!!??' A vein in Akira's head bulged, 'That website is a horrendous piece of shit that destroys all things decent and-

'How would you know about it?' Lucy wondered how a mere website could survive so far into the future.

'Of course I know about it.' Akira huffed, 'That website is now....a supersite! It's reached the level of Wikipedia-

'Wikipedia still exists?' Lucy felt genuine surprise, 'That's quite a revelation....

'Shut up and let me continue.' Akira went on, 'That website even makes fun of undines now....they call us dirty skanks in sailor fetish uniforms that sail around a useless city for the sole purveying of....this shit called lulz.'

'Exactly my view.' Ash remarked, 'If I remember correctly, your uniforms do kind of look like-

Alicia turned her attention away from the TV and gave Ash the stare of a woman under the possession of a Caco demon. Ash stuttered a bit and then slurred, 'Sorry.'

'Can I....keep on explaining?' Kouta peeped in. The entire room looked at him with murderous glances, 'If it's not too much to ask....' Kouta faltered, 'Anyways....' he ignored the homicidal glances directed at him. All the pressure was starting to weigh in on him. If he didn't give a good explanation about this seemingly irrelevant topic, they would surely eat him alive....

' Chris Chan is one of the main whipping boys of Encyclopedia Dramatica....' He had the whole of the room's attention focused on him now, 'They would....brutally tease him and torment him.....the article on the website was over....ten pages long. You should have seen some of the things they coaxed out of him to show the entire world....'

'Like?' Akira was squinting in concentration. Unbeknownst to Kouta, the Undine was horribly nearsighted, and never developed the humility to wear glasses. Instead, she wore soft contacts that were still not changed for over two months.

'They made him send nude photos of posing as a girl online. You see, this guy was quite lonely, and he would often search for....a boyfriend free girl. Or something along those lines....'

'So that explains why he said all that nonsensical stuff back there!' Mayu shivered a little, 'He looked at me in a creepy way too....'

'Yeah, and it gets worse....he's racist, he's bigoted, and he doesn't even know how much of a douche bag he is.' Kouta was trying his hardest to dig up all the information from over two years ago, when he himself was a seasoned /b/tard, ' He's really against homosexuals too, just so you know. He's made several rants denouncing the whole population.

'Well, that makes me want to clean his clock even more.' Akira cracked her knuckles, 'I swear I'll rip his balls off the first chance I get-

'There's also something else you need to know....' Kouta ruffled his hair a bit, mussing it up into a tangle, 'He disappeared in the summer of 07- I think a month or two before we ended up here. Nobody knew where he went or what he did with himself. All his parents found in his room was....this elaborately drawn pentagram smeared with his own blood. There was scorch in the middle the carpet too....'

Lucy burst out laughing, 'You mean that loser made a deal with the devil and disappeared into hell!? That's RICH!'

Kouta was still busily digging up the information hidden deep within the /b/tard storage of knowledge. He had accumulated quite a lot of information up in that brain of his over the four years he spent as a /b/ tard- including a good amount of guro and scat porn that didn't really leave the corners of his brain. They simply festered there and manifested themselves at the most inopportune moments, 'I think that the page on him was shut down after that, but there are forums that say that he sold his soul to the devil for infinite power....and a boyfriend free girlfriend.'

'Well, I think that's worked. Look where we are now.' Akira rattled her chains, 'What we do need to know is how to get out of this place! Back stories on our captor isn't going to help us much-

'Did I mention he was autistic?' Kouta suddenly remembered this important little fact as he sifted through more web memes, such as the infamous desu repetition meme- one that had annoyed Lucy to no end when an anonymous sender on the net spammed Lucy's email with a hundred repetitions of that one word.'

'That weakness isn't going to help us much.' Ash clicked his tongue, 'We're going to need a lot more, like....tell us something to help us escape from this room!'

Kouta immediately deflated, 'Oh....I don't .....know about that....' He sunk into self pity again, 'Sorry for wasting your time....'

'That was....interesting information, Kouta....' Lucy tried to bolster his self esteem, 'Thanks for that....'

Akira grunted, signalling her approval.

A wail from the bleeding guts of skinned human erupted from Alicia's throat, 'HOW ARE WE GOING TO SAVE MY AKARI!!??' She looked around crazily and shook her head back and forth, 'I know he's going to do something unbelievably horrible to my Akari, and....if he finds out I'm gay.....' Alicia looked at her feet and started to wobble back and forth in a huddled position again.

' Don't worry. We'll find a way out of this.' Akira said half heartedly. She knew full well that they were never going to get out of this unscathed, one way or another. Once Chris Chan was done with them, who knew what that Nyarlahotep had in store for them?

Lucy sighed and tried to reactivate her vectors once again. She had reactivated them once, but....she had forgotten what that felt like. Could her vectors possibly work as well as they used to with one horn?

She rubbed the ragged stump on her head. It was the same on that had been blown off by Kakuzawa's men. It had only started to grow back....

'In the meantime....' Lucy slide off the bed, bouncing the stationary Nana a bit as she did so, ' I'll try and get my vectors to work again....'

'I hope for all our sakes you can get it to work before that timer reaches zero.'

'What!?' Lucy followed Athena's hand and saw a Chibi shaped timer of.....herself?

A sick chill went up Lucy's spine. Since when was merchandise made of her? And since when were fucking Chibi merchandise of her manufactured? Lucy suddenly felt an existential crisis as her throat went dry, 'Why....why is there a timer of me?'

Everybody's eyes shifted towards the rotund little timer and made one simultaneous group gasp. Kouta stuttered as he whispered, 'Th-th-that' could that guy know about you?'

'hehe.....'Lucy laughed nervously, 'Maybe it's handmade? I don't know-

She suddenly read the little label that said Tokyo Toys. He stomach gave a sick lurch.

'Kouta....' She motioned for him to look at the label, 'That' anime toy company....'

'What....the....fuck?' Kouta bit his lip, 'Somebody please tell me this is some kind of sick joke.'

'It's actually kind of plausible, when you think about it.' Ash decided to give his two cents on the subject, seeing that he was the only one who had any previous inter dimensional travel, 'You see, maybe in another universe, you are just....a fictional animated character with no real connection to the outside world besides your....erm....voice actor...'

Lucy clapped her hands around her ears, 'DON'T SAY ANYMORE! THIS IS FUCKING WITH MY HEAD!!'

'Alright...alright....' Ash turned and stared at the timer, 'But take my word for it, I don't think we're in Aqua anymore....' Ash continued, 'You see....I think I read this somewhere in youtube, but....the mere creation of your concept in the human mind can actually manipulate the subatomic particles in the universe....' Ash's head looked like it was about to explode, 'If one were to erm....exaggerate it a bit....someone might have created your whole universe just by thinking it....'

Lucy did not register any of this. There were two things that were bothering her in different degrees. The fact that there was merchandise created of her( which suggested that she was goddamn FICTIONAL in another world) ate her butt like a bunch of fire ants.

The other matter was that they only had five minutes left before....

Before the wooden painting of door on the wall bursts open and Chris Chan comes in....and RAPES All of you.

'We....' Lucy stared the timer, 'desperately need a miracle....'

Several notes from the author: First of all, I would like to point out to all the /b/tards reading this story that Chris Chan's timeline was altered to fit the story. I hope you can understand that. In this version of the story, disappears before that episode with Megan Schroeder. Secondly, about that thing on You Tube. Search up the 'Ten Dimensions' on You Tube and you'll get a mind fuck and a general gist of what I was getting at in that last bit of the story. It's called 'Imagining the Ten Dimensions.'

ALSO, the story's going to go on a slightly metaphysical lean, now that I've brought that subject into the story. Expect....a lot of unpredictable insanity.