Chapter two: Mistakes
If any one missed it in chapter one, I'll say it again, I DO NOT OWN THIS. This happens to be done by a dear friend of mine Known as Narutodippy. Any ways, please enjoy chapter two (That I edited slightly, as I have been allowed to do)
Edit: Sorry it took me so long to post this. I had an emotional break down. Sorry
Disclaimer: Oh the things Narutodippy and I would do to Robin…(Insert evil laughter)
Warning: Hints of rape and rape
"Robin! Robin! Where are you!"
"Robin! Please! Say something!"
"Please speak Robin!"
Robin pulled his legs closer to his rear, the blood long since dried and painfully clinging to the raw skin. He kept his head to the side; his eyes dim as he felt the cold of the winter night do its work on his bare body. A shudder shook him as he hiccupped from his former sobbing. He felt so small, so pathetic. Here he was, laying in some warehouse listening to his friends yelling for him. The communicator was out of his reach. He had attempted to grab it. It was so useless to try.
When they find him, if they find him, he'd be dead. He was already numb and blue from the cold. He could see his breath with each shuddering gasp he forced in his lungs. Despite the numb, he still felt the pain. That dull throbbing agony between his legs. The scaring reminder that he had been...
Robin shook his head at the thought. He wasn't going to admit it. He refused to accept what that man had done to him. How he had been used for pleasure.
I'm sorry for all this.
"Please...Answer Robin." The device crackled. It was softer than before. Maybe the charge was dying, or it could be that he was slipping away. Robin didn't seem too bothered at the though of nearing death. He would freeze here. He would probably not be found until spring when his body began to rot. By then, he would be deformed. Maybe even eaten by a stray dog or rats. Robin chuckled bitterly at the thought.
Maybe, they would find him, when he was frozen stiff. Dead on the floor in a pool of his own blood. He didn't want that. He didn't want them to see. Robin coughed sharply, his body shaking with the force. His throat was raw and burned with every wheezed breath. It was dry and his chest hurt. His head throbbed horribly along with the rest of his body. His eyes couldn't focus.
I'm sorry for who I am. I'm sorry I let myself do this.
Robin felt his eyes begin to water again as he felt hopelessness slowly consume him. He tried to keep the tears at bay, to hide showing further weakness. His tears pushed harder, a lone droplet escaping his defenses. As if a flood gate had opened, he began to sob anew. He wanted to just go home. He wanted to forget that this had happened. He wanted to go back to being the flawless leader his team mates saw. Right now, he was a kid, afraid and alone, having to face the very real truth that he was going to die. He wanted to see Star fire again, Beast boy, Cyborg, Raven. He just wanted some one here to at least be with him before he left this world.
Robin's eyes grew wider as he heard the voice. That was not from the communicator. The teen looked at the communicator on the ground, the object open. He felt a wave of realization wash over him as he saw the screen. On the small object was a map and a red blinking dot. He shook his head as he silently abolished himself for his forgetfulness. He hadn't remembered that the communicator doubled as a tracking device. He should have known his team would use it. Robin felt a wave of nervousness wash over him, forcing another set of shivers to rattle his frail battered form. He was unsure whether to be happy or upset. He didn't want to be found, but at the same time yearned to have some one there. "Robin!" A second call met his ears. It was closer than before. Another violent shiver tore through him as he heard the voices of his friends and teammate's. He didn't know what he should want. A part of him screamed for him to hide. The other, which was winning the mental argument, begged for someone to find him. He saw a large puff of misted air escape his lips. He mentally realized he couldn't feel himself breathing any more. He pushed the disturbing though aside as he resigned to waiting. They would find him soon enough. How they would react was what he truly feared.
I'm sorry that I love him, that I hate him.
A bright blue light shined over to wear the boy wonder laid. Its bright rays made Robin wince ever so slightly. He recognized the light. "Robin!" He heard. He bit his lip, feeling the emotions almost physically from the utterance of his name. He heard loud footsteps rush to his side. Robin laid with his eyes half open, trying to remain emotionally neutral, it his silent way of dealing with others when upset. He absently noted his breathing was almost unnoticeable in front of his face. When had his breathing become so shallow? A warm object came across his shoulder. It took a moment, but soon Robin realized it was a hand. As soon as he did, the object left him slowly.
Robin recognized it as Beast boy's voice. He could hear that the green shape shifter was on the edge of tears. Maybe, just maybe, he could allow them to believe he was already gone. Maybe he could slip away into the darkness that was pulling at him. Maybe it wouldn't matter. He heard a soft gasp. The sound tied the young teen's stomach in knots. He knew that voice so well. 'Star fire...' He though distantly. His eyes widened slightly when he heard a soft whimper. 'Is she…crying?' He asked himself. A frown slowly spread on his chapped lips. He couldn't let her think he was gone. He couldn't leave her like this when he was still alive. When he could still fight.
He began to draw in a deep breath, even though could almost not feel his body obeying his commands. His voice was weak, but he needed to say something, anything. Only one word came to mind. "S-Star fire..." He breathed. It was soft, almost inaudible, but it was all he could force out.
Cyborg raised his head from where it had been lowered, his solemn look filling with hope "Robin?" Cyborg asked, his unasked question hanging in the air, praying it would be answered. He again placed his hand on Robin's shoulder, hoping his mind was not playing tricks on him. He felt the form beneath his strong hand shift. He watched with a racing heart as Robin turned slightly towards him, his vibrant blue eyes gazing at his with a spark of fighting spirit. Hope.
"Raven! Get a blanket!" Cyborg ordered, his short lived replaced with the reality of the situation. He did not have time to waist less his celebration come in place of Robin's survival. Robin would have had a feeling of pride toward his team mate if he wasn't so weak. He always knew that when it came down to it, Cyborg would be an excellent leader.
Robin felt a blanket draped over his body as his wrists were untied. It was quiet, making it really seem like he was dead. He wasn't that far off. Robin was barely conscious. He fought to stay awake, not daring to let himself die now.
He hurt me, and yet I still want him
He felt Cyborg's hands slip underneath his back to lift him. Robins blue eyes sparked to life in an instant as he was lifted. The pain was unreal. He had completely lost all control as he cried out. It was soft, but it still sent shivers down his teammate's spine. Robin clenched his eyes shut, gripping the blanket as tight as his form could. He gasped hard labored breaths, trying to suppress the pain.
What is wrong with me?
The leader of the Titans felt the pull stronger than ever now to slip into unconsciousness. It was due to the unreal pain of motion. Despite the dull numbness, he felt his torn flesh burn stronger than the fires of hell. His silent scream met it's end soon enough, his voice giving out, it already gone due to his original cries in agony. Now he simply laid lifelessly in his teammates arm, his hands still tightly gripping the blanket. The fabric was no use. His body had no heat to give off.
Am I really this pathetic?
The moment slipped from Robin conscious. He simply let himself be carried, his tension leaving him. The only sign there was still life in him was the occasional puff of misted air above his blue lips. He could feel the tension in the air around him. Right now, he didn't care. He wanted to rest now. He wanted to sleep. He fought to keep his eyes open. When he was brought outside, he was reluctant to feel the air was colder. The stars were bright tonight, almost beautiful. He had never looked at the sky before in such a way.
He stared at the twinkling dots, the images being obscured by his breath once in a wile. He heard the sound of a car door open. He smiled to himself. Cyborg always had his car. He felt his back placed on the seat. The leather was warm on his skin, causing it to burn from the sudden sensation. He felt Cyborg shift his form slightly before he was buckled in. He was slightly laying down, which couldn't be all that safe.
Have I really sunk this low?
The engine revved to life before he felt the vehicle move. Soon the starry sky was replaced with tall sky scrapers and street lights. It was a different kind of starry night. The lights blurred into streaks of nothingness, as if he was seeing life flying past him. He felt small again, just some child in a world that would not blink at his absence or injury. He was only sixteen. Granted, he was probably the most adult sixteen year old alive, but still, to most, he was still a child. He wondered what Batman, or rather, Bruce would do right now? His role model always knew what to do. He seemed to never mess up.
Now that he thought about it, Gotham didn't sound all that bad of a place to go to. Maybe he could say hi some time to his surrogate father? His mind hazed his already half closed eyes, the pull becoming dangerously strong. He saw dark suddenly, but didn't mind, knowing they had reached the hidden tunnel that lead to the tower. He could see the occasional light whiz by, flash by flash of yellow light. He finally let his eyes slip shut, knowing he was safe and could rest.
I'm a disgrace aren't I? So lost.
The soft rhythmic beeping was the first thing Robin noticed as he came back from his unconscious state. He opened his eyes slowly, glancing around to determine where he was. The familiar view met his eyes of the medical ward of his long time home.
The memories of the night before eluded him, despite the deep pulling that he was forgetting something very important. He slid his hand up to his face, noticing how much his body ached. "I need to stop over doing it..." He whispered, simply telling himself it was a training accident. His fingers wound their way into his black locks, pushing them out of his eyes slightly. Robin's eyes shot wide when he noticed some thing was amiss. His hands shot to his face, feeling the absence of his mask. He sat up strait in an instant.
The teens vibrant blue eyes dilated as a scream bit at the back of his throat. Robin opened his mouth, but no sound would leave as he was put in a new world of pain. He fell to the bed, ignoring the beeping next to him growing dangerously fast. His hands fisted the fabric on the bed, as he tried desperately to relax and let the agony between his legs fade.
Here I am again.
He was shaking, his breathing labored. His mind raced, asking too many questions to possible answer any. Robin didn't hear the door open to his room nor the quickened steps to his bed side. He kept his eyes shut, his face contorted in pain. It was clear Robin was fighting against screaming. A hand went on Robins shoulder as words were said that didn't reach him.
A few tense minutes passed before Robin finally found piece as the pain ebbed away enough for his mind to re asses his situation. He let his head fall to the side, it feeling far too heavy to keep looking upward. He was panting and covered in sweet from the strain. His head was pulsing with the mother of all head aches.
"Robin..." Came a soft question he barely heard. He ignored the lack of his mask, opening his eyes slowly to see just who it was that was calling him. Crystal blue met worried green. Robin smiled softly. "I'll be alright." He said weakly, not sounding all too convincing by how course his voice was. He didn't dare sit up, knowing all too well what pain that would cause him. Robin went through his mind now that he could think strait, trying to figure out just why he would have such pain there. It was random, if anything. But it was the worst pain he had felt in his life, that's for sure.
He didn't really notice the others tense air around them. He was out of it, that's for sure. "What happened yesterday?" He asked, unaware the mine he just hit. He still couldn't really registrar what he was seeing. The terribly sad look on Starfire's face, nor the barely contained anger from Beastboy and Cyborg. Raven had an odd emotion on the face that was a combination of anger and sadness. No one wanted to step up to the plate and tell their leader about what had happened.
Robin simply gave a dismissive wave of his hand, taking care not to move so much. "I'll worry about that later." He said, his voice still groggy. He wanted to get out of bed, but simply resigned to sit still. "Can some one grab a mask for me?" He asked, not really caring any more that he didn't have one on. They obviously saw his eye color, so there was no reason flipping out about it. Starfire practically ran out the room to grab one for him.
Lying to myself
Robin couldn't pin why his senses were so blurred. There was a numbness that was eating at him somewhere that he just couldn't place. He shrugged it away for the moment. He was starting to doze off again until he felt something placed in his hand. He looked at it, seeing the familiar mask. He put it on, his vision getting a different shade thanks to the almost translucent one way eye holes.
He felt more comfortable with the mask, like he was more complete. He hated being Richard truth be told. He was just a normal kid when he was Richard. He was just another face on the street. For some reason, some thing kept bugging him. He couldn't shake it. It was deep inside his stomach, like he was anxious about something. It was a feeling akin to dread and a strong feeling of depression.
He didn't know it, but his team mates were trying to cope. They knew the moment Robin asked about the events of the prior night that he didn't remember what had happened, and truth be told, they didn't want him to. Some thing like that wasn't an easy subject to bring up.
Robin yawned softly, silently telling them it was okay to leave. He knew how awkward it was when he was injured. He was the leader and all, so with out him, they floundered for a bit before Cyborg would step up to the plate and become the temp leader until he was better. As if on que, the others got up and began to file out, each saying some kind of soft get well, or hope you feel better. Robin didn't mind. He snuggled down into the bed a little more before noticing he wasn't alone. Starfire was still present. "Starfire?" He asked softly, wondering what was on her mind.
Starfire bit her lip slightly, knowing the words she needed to say. He needed to know. It was better now when some one was present in case he needed them rather than when he was alone. The alien princess took a slow breath, trying her best to steel her nerves. She sat on the edge of Robins bed, making the team leader confused. The slightest perverted though went through his mind which was soon beat down rather brutally.
I don't know what to do any more
"Last night...Slade..." Starfire spoke, trying to find the right words. Robin felt his stomach tie itself in a knot at the mention of Slade. Something told him this was what he was foreboding. "He...He hurt you...Badly..." Starfire told, not wanting to go into detail. She didn't really have to. Robin mind was slowly starting to turn the gears that had shut down due to emotional overload. The memories of last night came in as small trickles. Robin felt himself grow small and turn into this pathetic creature.
The words came to him, those very simply, but painful words. Do you like knowing that I can do this to you? The words rung like a funeral bell, tauntingly reminding him. And now that he though about it, the answer wasn't what he though it would be. The teen felt a terrible shudder tare down his back. He suddenly felt sick. He didn't hold any tact. He simply leaned over the side of the bed and vomited. Starfire couldn't help but to feel guilty. She had forced memories to the surface that she knew Robin didn't want to remember.
You're haunting me
Robin's whole body trembled. He could feel Slade's hands feeling parts of him he didn't want touched, doing things he didn't want to happen. And yet, he didn't fight back like he could have. Robin bit back another urge to regurgitate his last meal. He simply gagged, another shudder ripping through him. He kept his head over the edge of the bed. He didn't want Star fire to see him like this. He couldn't stand the thought of what she was seeing. Some one weak and pathetic. A child having an emotional breakdown. He should be stronger than this. He's seen worse things happen.
For god sakes he saw both his parents murdered at five. He should be able to deal with this. Robin felt a hand lightly graze his shoulder. He quickly moved away from the contact. He didn't want her pity. "I'm alright." He said, wiping the edge of his mouth. His words shook, making him curse sharply in his mind. He even sounded weak, on the brink of tears. Starfire didn't take the rejection, putting her hand on Robins shoulder again. This time, the teen didn't shy away, simply letting her do so. If she wanted to, so be it. It wasn't like he could put up much of a fight with his injuries.
Robin swallowed hard, again gagging loudly. He needed to stop thinking about that. Suddenly a loud siren blasted through the building, it sounding like a god send to him. Starfire had no choice but to leave now. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, though she could barely tell because of the mask. But the message was still passed for her to go.
She stood reluctantly before nodded, silently whispering her apology, still feeling the guilt of helping him relive such an ordeal. Robin didn't really care for her apology. It wasn't his concern. He felt the urge to cry far worse now than it was before. He took grip of his mask, taking it off. He refused to cry as Robin. Not now, not ever.
Suddenly, some thing dawned on Robin. His mask was off. His mask had been off. Last night, he hadn't been wearing his mask. He was Richard when Slade had done it. He was only Robin when he wore the mask. At least, that's what he thought. Robin placed his mask back on, His emotional distress ebbing away as he slowly welcomed the thought. So what if he was the one dealing with the pain. Richard was the one who had been taunted. Richard was the one who gave in. Richard was the one who was raped. Not him. He was Robin. They were two different people.
Look what you're doing to me
It sounded insane. It was insane, but Robin saw it as sensible answer. He had two names. He went by one with the mask, and went by another without. He had two personalities. As Robin, he was the leader of Teen Titans. He was strong and confident. As Richard, he couldn't lead a pack of bunnies and he had absolutely no back bone. That was definitely two different people.
Robin laid back in his bed a bit more, feeling a wide smile come to his face. He was happy knowing it wasn't him. Despite the clear flaws in his logic, he believed it one hundred percent.
I'm losing touch again.
It was late at night by the time the teen Titan's returned to the tower. It was practicably pitch black in the metal fortress. It was actually kinda creepy. "I'll go check on Robin." Starfire offered softly, wondering how he was doing after what she had seen. The team was tired from the battle they had to deal with. Things had went their way, but it was one hell of fight.
The group bid their good bye's as they went their separate ways to get the rest they desperately needed. Despite Starfire being just as tired as the others, she continued to the medical ward. She had seen the way Robin reacted. The way he had been so distraught. She couldn't push away her worries that this might have worse repercussions than the others believed. Presumably, Robin was going to be upset, but she knew him better than the others did. She never said anything about it, but she had seen the smallest glimpses of Robin. She had seen things about him that was...scary.
The red X incident was pushed to the side by the others as a misjudgment, but she knew. Robin didn't just physically wear a mask. The real Robin was much more dangerous than the one he let the others see. He had flaws in his personality that threatened to tare him apart from the inside. It was a ticking time bomb. She feared this event would be the catalyst to set it off. To give root to the insanity she knew was buried deep inside of him.
She stopped outside of the large metal doors to the ward. They seemed to loom over her like the jaws of a hungry beast. She didn't know what was waiting on the other side of the door. The princes took a slow breath, pushing her emotions to the side and forcing all the courage she had forward. She knew she had to see for herself. To see if Robin was still there inside that body, or the other, the darker one had finally emerged.
Robin was half awake. Despite his urges to sleep, his mind pushed away all attempts to. He was too busy sorting things out. He was picking what was Richard's personality, and what was Robin's. He wanted to make the divide clean cut so he would not make mistakes. Every moment of weakness he had, he put into Richard's hands, to be dealt with as his other side saw fit. The moment when a plan worked, when he was an excellent leader, Robin was to be credited. He was making the line cleaner with each conclusion. Slowly, he felt the emotional pain slipping from him as Richard took it away. He knew when he took of his mask, he would have to deal with it. But for now, he would let it be. His musing met its end when he heard the door open to the ward. Absently, he glanced up, finding familiar red locks meeting his view. He smiled softly in greeting, finding her face a much welcome relief.
"Robin?" Starfire asked softly, gazing into the darkness. "Hm?" Robin asked, still finding his throat too sore to make any loud noises. Starfire dared to approach the bed. "How are you feeling?" She asked softly. Robin smiled at the teen. She was beautiful. She really was. He wondered for a moment if Richard liked her, or if he did. The thought was quickly decided. Richard could never have the confidence to even look at someone like Starfire.
What am I becoming?
"Better." Robin said truthfully. Starfire smiled a bit at her leader before she sat on the edge of the bed once more. "I'm..." She whispered softly. She wanted to say something, but knew the words could not heal the pain. She felt her fists clench slightly against her skirt, creasing the fabric. "I'm sorry..." She uttered softly, turning her green eyes away from Robins view. The teen smiled softly towards the girl. He moved his hand from beneath the tangled grasp of the blanket slowly, finding the limb sore as well. "For what?" He asked softly.
Starfire felt hot tears coming to her eyes. "For being too...Too late..." She spoke, a sob managing to escape her lips. Her tears paused when she felt Robin's hand take hers, giving it a soft reassuring grip. "You have nothing to be sorry about." Robin said soothingly, a small smile coming to his lips. "I'm okay. I'm alive. It hurt, but I'll heal." He said, trying to comfort her.
I can't feel the ground beneath my feet, telling me I'm alright
Starfire spared a sad glance at Robin, giving his hand a squeeze back. His words, despite their initial means, sent her deeper into her sadness. She knew that voice. She had heard it before. When the others had discovered he was red X. The voice was false. Silently speaking words of anger, sadness. And this time, there was something more, something that made her afraid. It was hollow. It lacked the command that made Robin. She didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to let the thought worm its way into her mind, but she already knew.
The Robin she knew as the leader of the Teen Titans. The Robin that always smiled. The Robin she loved...was dead.
I'm already lost within myself, slipping into the nothingness I've become. I still hear his voice, asking me to listen. But I hide.
Forgive me, for I'm weak, and must follow my heart.
Even though it's tearing me to pieces.
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