Mens rea, Actus rea. In other words, the three times John had a guilty mind and the two he committed a guilty act.

I've never tried one before but I was reading some Office fics and there seemed to be a lot of "the five times…" and I've noticed a few SGA ones as well. Anyways, this kind of popped into my head as well as one for Teyla. Hope you guys enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or the characters


First day she asked him to spar with her. He walked in the room and nearly walked straight back out when he saw her…she had already been practicing and sweat was glinting off her skin, drawing his eyes to places that they really shouldn't be drawn to. You know, since he was her commanding officer and all.

The actual act of sparring did nothing to make it better. No. He would have thought that having his ass severely kicked would have deterred any unwanted emotions…not so much.

Especially when he ended up on his stomach with her straddling him.


It was a mission. A simple one. Get in, look around, and don't get killed in the process.

This particular one involved Teyla diving into a lake. All in the name of avoiding what seemed to be people eating scorpions. Luckily a few c-4 charges took care of them pretty effectively.

Then Teyla immerged from the water, dripping everywhere, and with chattering teeth had stripped down to her black clinging halter top and, taking the knife Ronon held out for her , had cut her pants into shorts.

Slightly distracting.


He brought her to Earth. It was about time for her to see, for real, where all the people on Atlantis had come from. Maybe explain why they were so…alien.

So he showed her around, took her to a football game, and literally forced her onto a ferris wheel. His one mistake was to allow SG-1's very own Vala Mal Doran take her shopping. Vala had heard of Teyla's presence and coerced everyone into allowing them some 'alien girl bonding time.' Big mistake.

Because that night when he knocked on the door of the spare bedroom in his apartment, to see if Teyla was ready to go out to dinner, it opened to reveal her in a distinctly Earth design little black cocktail dress.

That was backless.


She was pissed off. He was angry. He was yelling at her, she was talking back in a very stern tone. Rodney was grumbling and rolling his eyes, Ronon was telling them to knock it off.

So they went into the nearest room which just so happened to be small, dark, and musty. He was yelling at her, she was talking back in a very stern tone. And out of frustration he kissed her, just to stop the arguing.

Except after pushing him rather painfully into to the wall and reaching for the door, she seemed to think better of it.

When they finally emerged both Ronon and Rodney were standing there with raised eyebrows and knowing looks.


It was late, he was tired, and his bed was calling to him. He crawled in after grabbing War and Peace off of his desk. Half a page later and he put it down as his door slid open.

Revealing Teyla. Wearing nothing but a shirt that came just shy of mid-thigh.

As it turned out she was there because Rodney couldn't get John on the radio and since Teyla was closer he had radioed Teyla to get John. Except Teyla had already gotten dressed for bed and she didn't feel like changing again, hence the outfit. John didn't particularly mind.

He headed for the door at the same time she headed for the door.

They never made it out of the room.

Feedback is welcome!