Title: In Death There Is Silence
Characters: L, Watari, brief mentions of A and B.
Word Count: 591
Notes: This is a strange little story I wrote on the bus home from school. It was inspired by a few lines about cyanide in a Chuck Palahniuk novel. I thought about how L's bad habits can be beneficial to him at times, and how he was probably being prodded to behave in contradictory ways throughout his training as L. I hope this makes sense. Enjoy!
Try your best not to get too close to anybody. You've certainly picked out a pretty girl, but you must remember that L is more than just your name now. You're a top secret investigator, and it would be a major breach of security for you to have a girlfriend. Besides, your manners leave something to be desired. She's a society lady, I doubt she'll retain her interest once she realizes that you're twelve years old and don't even know how to hold a fork properly.
L, don't you think it's time you found yourself a girlfriend?
Wear this bulletproof vest under your clothes when we go out today. There's a sniper who's rather interested in what the great L's intestines might look like, and personally, I'd prefer it if he didn't find out. I know it hurts your back, but I'm sure it hurts significantly less than being shot.
Stand up straight please, that position is horrible for your spine. You're going to end up a hunchback if you don't improve your posture.
I know you're tired, but we've got a case to solve, haven't we? It wouldn't do to fall behind just because you're feeling a little bleary-eyed. Here, have another cup of coffee.
L, you're going to have to get some rest now. You've been up for days, and there's no way you can possibly be coming to accurate conclusions. You're legally insane after being up as long as you have, do you know that? And not getting any sleep is disastrous to the immune system, you don't want that cold of yours to turn into anything serious, do you?
Glucose is a natural antidote to cyanide. So much as touch a cyanide pill and you'll be dead within minutes, swallow one and you've got seconds at best. I have reason to believe that the man you're about to meet with may want to poison you with cyanide, so eat this cake before we go.
Too much sugar will make you gain weight, which will increase your risk for diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. You've already had more than enough cake for today.
You must accept the fact that you might die doing this job. I'm preparing A and B and the others to replace you because there's a very real possibility that you could die today. And they want you to. Don't get too friendly with them, especially B. They just want to find your weakness so they can slaughter you and emerge as the new L.
L, I need you to give a talk in the orphanage auditorium when you get home from the airport. A recently committed suicide, and I think the children could use some reassuring words from their idol.
This new case is extremely dangerous, but I have the utmost confidence in your ability. If you succeed, you'll be the most highly respected man in your field, and if you don't…well, if you don't, then I hope you've picked out a successor. Because you're going to do this or die trying.
Your life is more important than some case. You must withdraw immediately, you're badly hurt and you won't be able to apprehend him. Don't let your pride get in the way. We can try again another time, or I can send for reinforcements, but you need medical attention or you'll die. You'll never solve another case if you're dead, L, in death there's only silence, so please allow yourself to be placed in the ambulance I've sent for you. DO IT NOW!