Hello all! This little story is a very belated birthday gift for the wonderful YappiChick. She wanted something funny, and this was the best I could come up with at short notice… it's completely stupid. However, I think it will work well as the beginning of a series, so you can expect to see it continued at some point – possibly for the next Sheyla thread birthday!

Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think!

Provoked 1 – Rising to the Occasion

Technology, John mused, is completely overrated.

For a start, it is usually so complicated that doing the task manually is easier, if not faster. It's expensive, and a draw on natural resources. And it always, always malfunctions. Most of the scientists on Atlantis spent most of their time repairing pieces of technology.

Though one would think that a set of sliding doors was simple enough. One would think that a mechanism causing a piece of metal to slide one way and then another would have little cause to malfunction. One would think that one wouldn't be pinned in the middle of a sliding door, with one's right arm going numb due to the large piece of metal jutting into one's shoulder, rendering one unable to move.

One would be wrong.

"McKay, stop laughing and GET ME OUT!"

It was bad enough that John was stuck in door; he really didn't need Rodney and Ronon laughing their heads off at him. At least Teyla wasn't laughing – though John had a feeling that that was only because she was on the side of the door he was facing, and she didn't want him to see her laughing. She was certainly trying to hide a smile.

John could still hear Rodney laughing as he spoke. "Just a minute – it's malfunctioned."

"Really, ya think?" John replied sarcastically. He once again tried to shift to the side, but he was wedged in by the pieces of metal that jutted out of the main doors and fit into each other. One was wedged into his shoulder, and another into his lower back. His head had been forced to one side, so he was looking at Teyla, and all he could move were his feet.

"Well, they're meant to retract when they touch something, like an elevator door," said Rodney, sounding a little more sober. "But for some reason these doors have stopped retracting."

John was pleased to hear Rodney's voice was now coming from where the control panel would be on the wall. "You're lucky they stopped, and didn't crush you," Rodney said.

Lucky was not the word John would have chosen for himself at that moment, but he let the comment slide.

"We need a camera," said Ronon after a moment.

John could only hope his glare was visible through the back of his head. "This. Is. Not. Funny."

"No," said Ronon. "It really is." Both he and Rodney started to laugh again, and John saw Teyla bite her bottom lip.

Glaring again, John concentrated on his arm. His fingers were starting to hurt. "Is my hand blue?" He asked Teyla.

Teyla moved towards him, her amusement immediately replaced with concern. "No, but it is very pale," she said anxiously. "Be quick Rodney."

"Almost… there!"

With a grating sound, the doors pulled away – slowly, very slowly – but away. John felt the blood rushing back into his arm and immediately brought his hand up to his chest, flexing his fingers.

"Are you alright?" Teyla asked, stepping in front of him once the doors were wide enough for her to do so.

"Fine," said John. He dropped his arm and looked over Teyla's shoulder at Rodney, who was crouched down next to the control panel. "Nice work McKay."

Rodney just frowned, looking down at his laptop tablet. "Well I don't know what happened there but it's not fixed y –"

John missed the end of Rodney's sentence as, with a clank and a whirring sound, the doors stopped retracting and slammed shut again. This time, though, John wasn't pinned between two doors – this time he was pinned between a door and Teyla.

John and Teyla had been facing each other, and the doors had forced them together so that their fronts were touching. Or to be more accurate, so that Teyla's hips were pushing into John's thighs, her breasts against his torso, and her face was buried in his neck.

John swallowed. Hard.

"Oh for the love of – why didn't you move?!"

One good thing about his new position was that John could glare at Rodney, which he did. "Shut up McKay, and get us out of here!"

John glanced over at Ronon – he wasn't laughing, but John could tell he was barely containing himself. John knew Ronon was only attempting not to laugh because he was scared of Teyla hurting him.

"Hey Teyla are you okay?" John asked quietly. As far as John could tell, none of those pesky metal things were digging into her – the one that had been in his shoulder the last time was just about skimming over her shoulder. He had one in his lower back again, but he could deal.

"I am fine," Teyla replied. John could barely hear her, because her voice was so muffled by his neck, but he could sure as hell feel her. Her lips were pressed up against his skin, and every time they moved it sent what felt like little shocks of energy pulsing through his bloodstream, causing some very interesting things to happen to his body.

"Are you alright?" Teyla asked. John shivered, and swallowed again. "Fine," he said shortly.

"I think Rodney was right," Teyla continued with a hint of amusement in her voice.

Mud, thought John desperately. Think of mud. Oozing brown mud…

"We should have moved away from the doors…"

John gritted his teeth. "Teyla?"


"Stop talking."

"Why…? Oh!"

John hadn't realised how much Teyla had been moving against him until he felt her freeze – he had a feeling that she was even holding her breath.

He had never been so embarrassed in his entire life – how the hell was he ever going to look at her again? John pushed the thought aside and concentrated on calming down; it would be nice to be able to retain a little dignity. It seemed to work – having Teyla frozen against him and concentrating all his powers of observation on Rodney's hair was enough for John to regain control of himself.

A few seconds later, with another grating sound, the doors began to retract. As soon as he was free, John leapt away from the doors – and from Teyla. Teyla followed him at a more sedate pace and, as predicted, John couldn't bring himself to look at her.

Instead he looked at Rodney. "Nice work, thanks," he said.

"Yes," said Teyla. "You certainly rose to the occasion."

John's eyes widened and his head whipped round to stare at Teyla – she met his eyes with a sweetly innocent look that John didn't believe for a second. She was making fun of him! Making fun of his… situation. What the hell?

Teyla looked back at Rodney. "It is nice to see that the men of Atlantis can make their stand when they need to," she said.

John was openly gaping now. He glanced at Ronon, who was frowning as if he knew something was up – oh lord, now he was doing it – but Rodney looked completely oblivious, thank god.

"Yes, well, I'm certainly made to rise to the occasion more than I'd like to around here," said Rodney petulantly.

John burst out laughing. Rodney and Ronon looked completely confused by his reaction, and John saw that Teyla was also looking at him with an expression of polite bemusement.

"What's so funny?" Rodney asked with a frown.

John shook his head. "Nothing," he said, forcing himself to stop. "Sorry."

"I'm going to my lab," said Rodney, still frowning at him. "Maybe you should go to the infirmary."

John rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the concern," he said sarcastically.

Rodney rolled his eyes right back at him and walked away without another word. Ronon followed him, pausing only to give John and Teyla another curious look. As soon as he was gone, John rounded on Teyla.

"I can't believe you did that!" He exclaimed.

Teyla blinked at him. "Did what?" She asked sweetly.

"Oh yeah whatever," scoffed John. "You're terrible."

Teyla suddenly grinned wickedly. "I think you will find that you started it," she said.

John could feel himself blushing, but he just shrugged. "I was provoked," he said, pleased to see the grin drop almost at once from Teyla's face. A moment later though, Teyla raised an eyebrow thoughtfully.

"Perhaps," she said in a low voice that sent shivers down John's spine. "I apologise. I did not realise it would take so little effort to provoke you."

And with a toss of her hair and a swish of her hips, she was gone.