Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Warning: Shounen-ai, yaoi, AU. Slightly weird? This is LOL weird/retarded humor.
Notes: This was supposed to be a two-part oneshot (one part SasuNaru and another part other pairings) but I think I'll separate them XD Please enjoy! I'd love to hear your comments! (I hope my sense of humor isn't that bad 8D)

Tiptoe, tiptoe.

Uzumaki Naruto lurked silently behind a glass display case, azure-colored eyes focused at the person he was following. He blatantly ignored the apprehensive look the saleslady gave him; instead, he narrowed his eyes at his rival's purchase.

The saleslady frowned, considering if she should call security to kick the raucous blond out. It was common knowledge that putting Naruto together with fragile-and-expensive cases and volatile substances was a disaster waiting to happen.

Naruto inched a bit closer, eyes finally making out the identity of the perfume his rival bought. As soon as Sasuke-bastard moved out the store, he is going to buy the same perfume and show off to Sakura-chan!

The blond rubbed his hands together in barely-concealed glee, conveniently ignoring the fact that Sasuke has most probably sensed his presence since he entered the store.

Naruto gave a low, confident chuckle. "Hehehe. It's all according to plan."

x – x – x


Uzumaki Naruto bellowed, face scrunched up at thought of such unfairness in the world. His best friend-cum-rival, Uchiha Sasuke, simply raised an elegant eyebrow, unfazed by such proclamations. After being at each other's side for more than six years, it's a little hard to care so much for Naruto's outbursts.

"Your body is totally weird," Naruto grouched out, jabbing an accusing finger at Sasuke's chest.

Sasuke snorted; if only all of his fangirls thought of that way, he wouldn't hate his life so much.

The blond saw Sasuke's expression morph into that annoying-but-sometimes-cute 'I'm totally mocking you in my mind and I'm doing very little to hide it' look.

"No really," Naruto insisted and stood up from his stool at Ichiraku Ramen. The other patrons subtly shifted and listened in. True, the duo's bickering can sometimes cause immense damage to one's brain and eardrums, but they are also always very entertaining.

"Okay, so I wear the same perfume as you—"

"Correction. You copied my perfume so you can, by some weird reasoning that is definitely not Earth Logic, seduce Sakura."

Naruto fumed in his place, thinking wildly if it was blasphemy against the God of Ramen if he dunked Sasuke's prissy face in his unfinished-yet bowl.

"So lame," Sasuke added, almost as an afterthought.

"Lame or not," Naruto huffed, "It doesn't change the fact that your body is weird."

If there was someone weird here, it was certainly Naruto, though Sasuke decided to humor the blond. "And why, pray tell, is that?"

"Because your body does weird things to the perfume and we end up smelling differently!"

The eavesdroppers –who apparently grew exponentially in number- gasped collectively.

"I'm not even going to comment on how disturbing it is that you're comparing how we smell, but—" Sasuke paused, collecting his thoughts and wondering why did he end up being friends with a moron like Naruto. "You do know that it can also be because your body is the one that's weird…?"

Naruto swatted the argument away with a dismissive hand-flick.

Totally gay, the eavesdroppers collectively thought, and damn oblivious about it.

"My body is perfectly normal and awesome-dattebayo!"

Sasuke looked almost forlornly at his still-unfinished ramen. Granted, he hated the noodles with such a passion, but he was hungry. Hungry—that is, before this weird conversation has commenced.

"Then, maybe, I dunno. Does skin absorb perfume, huh, huh?" Naruto asked cheerfully, leaning heavily towards Sasuke and invading the Uchiha's personal space.

Sasuke shot the growing crowd with a disdainful look, before facing Naruto with his poker face.

"Do you want to find out?"

Naruto's face clouded with the mixture of idiotic and adorable confusion. "Eh? What do you mean—EHH?!"

The last part was squealed in a very high-pitched manner that should definitely not in a guy's normal pitch range—but, but…! Naruto couldn't help it, because Sasuke suddenly pounced on him with an almost-crazed glint in his dark eyes.

Pounced on him.

And licked a wet line at the side of his throat, before drawing down to his collarbone. Sasuke's tongue was warm and wet and god—the eavesdroppers-turned-voyeurs were drooling as they watched.

With more effort than he ever used in his whole life, Naruto pushed his friend away from his neck. The blond was panting and he wondered if he looked as flushed as Sasuke was.

"W-What was that?" Naruto asked as soon as his heart didn't feel like it would plummet down to the clean floors of the noodle eatery.

Sasuke looked a tad surprised at his own actions, though he seemed to have gained confidence due to the sight of a blushing Naruto and the cheers from the other patrons.

"Well, you don't smell like the perfume, but you certainly tasted like it."