Eenie Meeny Miny Moe

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

A/N: This wasn't intended as crack. But the more I thought about the plot, the more laughable it seemed.
Summary: Deidara, Temari, Naruto. Blonds in that order of age, and all are in love with a certain cherry blossom. But who is it that Sakura wants? Read to find out.

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It wasn't that she was hot. It was that she was smoking. Deidara had never seen a woman like her. Hell, Deidara hadn't known he liked women before she came along. She was the bomb. She was a blast. Forget explosives, Sakura was art.

He wanted her so bad he thought he should have her just because he was going mad from desire. Surely no other person could want her so much. Surely she was by default his.

Sakura was perfection. She could beat the tar out of him with one hand and use the other to tease his cock. Her voice could make him cum, and Deidara had lost track of the number of times he's had to chase his thoughts away from what her touch could do to him. Sakura was everything he could possibly want and twice as much again. She was smart and wild and hot and cool all rolled into one piece of desirable ass.

Deidara wanted her so fucking much, it should be a crime. Every time he saw her she drove him up the wall with her seductive way of flirting. She wanted him too didn't she? Deidara sure hoped so.

Because Sakura was the shit.

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The first time she saw the rose haired babe was the first time Temari realized she had never been cut out for dating guys. She just…knew it. That girl had taken her breath away, and in the span of less than a minute, Sakura had shattered her life and stolen her life and became her life and barely fit her life.

Sakura was everything. She was beautiful and talented, she could save a life and take a life, she could make Temari want to scream in frustration and sigh in love struck stupidity at the same time. Sakura was the one Temari thought of first when she woke up and last when she went to bed. Sakura was the one who'd urged her to greater heights and bigger achievements; Sakura was her inspiration and her aspiration. Sakura was her angel, because she was so caring, and her demon, because she could kill her with a single distracted wave of the hand.

Temari wanted Sakura one hundred and ten percent. No compromises, no sharing.

Sakura wanted her back, right? Temari could just…tell. In the way she hugged her whenever they met, in the way she would sometimes just reach over and brush her blonde hair away out of her eyes. No one would do that unless they meant it…right?

Of course she wanted her. She had to.

Because Sakura was a goddess.

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Naruto loved Sakura. Oh, how he loved Sakura. What was there to not love about Sakura? She was so damn powerful, imagine having a woman like that in bed. She would be such a challenge to tame, and when he did tame her she would be such a prize to claim.

He'd seen her as a little clueless bitch, and though he hadn't been there for the metamorphosis into the classy, volatile temptress he still loved every bit of it. He saw through her innocent act like no one else could, he knew her fake side like no one else did. He loved to piss her of just so he could see the real Sakura in those jade eyes with anger blazing bright enough to give him a boner.

She could get so mad! Then suddenly she could be so tender. She could make him so jealous! And then she would look at him like he was the only one she had eyes for. She was the one he'd loved since before he'd known what love was. He'd loved her with pure, boundless little-boy love, he'd loved her with the lust-driven hormone-powered adolescent love, and he'd loved her in the all encompassing way of a teen with nothing to lose. Now he loved her in a way that merged all those ways together, in a way that was exclusively his and exclusively for her.

His Sakura. His bitch, his lover, his life's meaning.

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Sakura opened the door for her lover, and he entered silently, unseen by the rest of the village.

"I've missed you so much," she whispered, and he smiles lovingly at her, swooping her into a warm embrace. "I've missed you too babe. Now let's go get under those covers before your pain in the ass roommate comes back to kick me out."

Sakura laughed, and Ebisu picked her up bridal style to carry her to the bed.

She loves him because he makes her feel like a woman.

He loves her because she'll take it up the ass.

True love is as limitless as space itself.

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I don't know I just had this insane urge to be really nice to Sakura. Hence the fact that three of my favorite characters are somehow in love with her.

Of course I might have negated the niceness by putting her with Ebisu…there are no Saku-Ebisu fics! I was browsing (because Naruto is paired with every-fucking-one, I figured the same would apply to her) and these are the people she wasn't paired with: Dan, Ebisu (and yet Ibiki gets three hits), Hana, Inari (so people haven't completely gone bonkers) Inoichi and…I stopped searching there because that's a long enough list.

(End useless tidbit trivia time)

Someone write me a Hana/Sakura fic. I will love you till death do us part.

Or at least a week.

Wow, my author's notes are taking forever. Shall I extend them further pointlessly? No? Have it your way then. Review before you go, be nice!