A (hopefully) quick author's note before I begin: this is just a silly little plot bunny that bit me while I was watching season 3, so please don't take anything too seriously. I'm new to this fandom, so be forgiving if I make some mistakes. I am not, however, new to writing. If you want to get to know me a little better before attempting to read, go check out my profile.

Disclaimers: I suppose, considering the series, that there really shouldn't be much need to warn for eventual shounen-ai/yaoi? But then, I would also think there would be no need to mention the fact I don't own any of the characters.


"Ah! Your majesty!"

Yuuri stopped short just inside the room, a feeling of terror dropping into his belly like a heavy stone. Gunter was pale from blood loss, the skin under his nose still smeared with red. The wide grin that spread itself across his face was a truly terrifying sight.

"I've been waiting for you!" the silvery haired man gushed.

The young king took a wary step back, hands already rising defensively, mind working frantically to find an excuse for getting out of his studies today.

"Um…" he began masterfully.

Somehow, Gunter failed to see reason behind Yuuri's rock-solid logic. His hands closed around the youth's slim shoulders and he eagerly steered him to the desk – which seemed to be laden with even more books than usual.

"Oh, how I've been yearning for this day, your majesty!" he wailed joyously, forcing him down into the chair. It was easy to forget that Gunter could be surprisingly strong when he wanted to.

"Eh…" Yuuri argued intelligently.

Gunter clasped his hands under his chin, gazing at him with a look that, frightfully, could only be described as 'shiny'.

"By the laws of our land, your majesty is an adult now," he said. "And as you are an adult, it only stands to reason that your wedding will not be long forthcoming."

"Ah - !" he protested articulately. His engagement, and the idea of his eventual marriage, were things he avoided thinking about whenever possible.

"Considering your majesty's new status as an adult, and with the upmost sensitivity to your majesty's future, I, your most humble servant, as well as your most loyal follower, have single-handedly taken on the task of re-inventing the curriculum for your majesty's study!"

Did he just…squeal?

Was his nose beginning to bleed again?

"That doesn't sound like fun," Yuuri managed at last, watching a thick, crimson line slowly trail from one elegant nostril. He felt too frightened and nauseated to bother to feel pride that he'd finally managed to get a sentence out.

Gunter tsked at him and hefted a stack of books onto the desk to join those already there. "We're going to have such fun, your majesty!" he assured him. "And what luck that I have you all to myself for our first special lesson!" squealing again, he dropped yet another stack of books onto the desk.

And to think Yuuri had actually been happy to have the morning to himself!

"Um…" he whimpered plaintively, and felt a moment's disapointment that he was back to single-syllables.

"Oh, your majesty! There's so much material to cover and so little of our precious time!"

Thanks the gods, Yuuri thought.

What he said was, "Er…?"

"Well, we'll just have to stay on this subject for several weeks!" Gunter decided, clapping his hands. He began to look through the books, trying to decide where to begin.

"Weeks?" Yuuri echoed. There was that nausea again.

"Well, it is a very important subject, your majesty!"

"Is it…" Yuuri shuddered at the thought. "Wedding etiquette?"

"Ah!" Gunter answered, finding the book he wanted. It was small, bound in red leather, and covered in gold gilt. "Here you go your majesty – we'll start with this one!"

He accepted the book, and felt himself pale as he read the title.


"We'll start with chapter one!"

"What is this?"

"And after you finish reading, I have a diagram for you to label!"

"Gunter, this is…?"

"Ah, what joys await the young mind!"

" 'The Art and Practice of Manly Love'?"

Comments are both encouraged and appreciated. Please be warned, however, that I try to answer all reviews.