Had this idea for a while. Definitely 1/2.


She was staring at something. Or someone. From this angle he couldn't tell who or what. House was stood at the elevators, looking across the balcony at her, as Cuddy leaned over the railing, looking down into the main reception area of the hospital. It was possible that she was just looking at the hospital itself, lost in thought of administration. She did that but he knew that particular look. That was a look of love, as pathetic as it was and right now she was looking at someone or something with that look of lust he knew so well.

It was carefully contained but definitely lust.

He looked over the railing as he hobbled over to the edge, trying to guess who she was looking at. Or what. He wasn't ruling out the idea that she was just horny and staring.

He couldn't see anyone in particular that would keep her interest, until he started to move around the railings towards her, and spotted Wilson in her line of sight.

She still wasn't harbouring a few lustful feelings for Jimmy was she?

When he walked up to her she stood straight and turned to look at him, one eye drifting over and down onto the oncologist as he flirted with a nurse he recognised from the clinic.

"Is our Dean eyeing up a little ass?" House asked.

"I was just watching my hospital at work."

"Yeah right," House huffed, "I know that look, you want Wilson's fine tush."

"Since when did you think Wilson had a nice ass?"

"I've always admired Jimmy's backside."

"I've always suspected there was something going on between you two."

House shrugged.

"Wilson's seems far too conservative for that sort of thing," he said.

"But you would?"

"In a heartbeat." He smirked, learning against the railing and looking down.

"It's not his ass," Cuddy said, moving back to look over. "It's his hair, and the way he runs his hands through it."

House looked up to the man's head, watching as Wilson ran a hand through it casually, smiling at the nurse.

"Don't you agree?" she asked.

"He blow dries it," House said, "takes more time on that goddamn hair than anything else."

"Maybe he's paranoid about going bald."

"Maybe. No good reason to though. Neither his father nor grandfathers have." She nodded. "Are you going to date him again?"

"Would you let me?" she asked.

"I'm not your keeper, and definitely not your boyfriend. You can do what you like."

"You didn't like it much the first time around."

House shrugged.

"At least if you're fucking each other you're not fucking anyone else. Like morons from J-date or stupid nurses."

"Really?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"I had an epiphany."

"Really?"

"It's either that or carefully vet everyone you date."

"And how were you planning to do that?"

"A series of complicated games, a written exam and an assault course."

She laughed.

"So you want to be the Fonz to our Mr and Mrs S?"

"Maybe not, but something," he said laughing too.

"You just want to be part of our lives," she said quietly.

"Maybe."

He shrugged.


Wilson was sitting at the far end of the cafeteria, staring forward, playing with his food as he looked across the room, over the heads of the other diners and at Cuddy who was in the queue, waiting to pay for a sandwich.

House smirked.

Jimmy was definitely still harbouring feelings of lust for Cuddy.

His head tilted to the side as she reached over, to take an apple from a far bowl, her skirt and shirt stretching over her body. His head titled the other way as she straighted up, then bent a little to brush imaginary dust from her skirt.

House limped over to Wilson, pushing people aside with his cane as he made his way through the tables. He sat down next to him, so he could watch Cuddy make her way through the long line too. Wilson looked at him.

"It's a great ass, isn't it?" house said.

"Hmmm?" Wilson looked back at the queue.

"I saw you eyeing up our Dean's curvaceous ass."

"Oh, no, I was just day-dreaming." Wilson's cheeks flushed red.

"About her ass!" House yelled.

"I was not thinking about Cuddy's ass!" he hissed.

"Me thinks the oncologist doth protest too much."

"I was not thinking about her ass," Wilson repeated, looking down as his lunch, "I was thinking about her legs." He'd said it so quietly that House almost didn't hear him.

Almost.

"And here I was, thinking you were about the all over."

"Well, I am, but..."

"Cuddy's legs are something else." Wilson blushed a little, his eyes flicking up to meet House's eyes, then across at Cuddy. "Personally it's the tits every time."

"Do you have to be be so crass?" Wilson asked. "This is Cuddy."

"So I can be crass about Cameron?" he said. "She has smaller tits sure, but I tighter pu-"

"No! I just mean..."

"Are you going to ask her out again?"

"After the way you acted last time?" Wilson asked.

"I've mellowed since."

"Yes," he said, "and I've denounced the Jewish faith."

"Have you?! Wait a minute," House said, pointed a finger at him.

"Cute."

"I think so. Especially my ass." Wilson sighed. "At least if you married Cuddy, she wouldn't be paranoid about us having a gay affair. She already thinks that," House said with a smirk, "apparently."

"What?"

"We could spend all our time together without Cuddy getting bent out of shape like your other wives."

"I'm not going to marry her."

"Right."

"Do you want to ask her out."

"I don't date," house said

"Right."


"Hey," Wilson said, resting his hand on Cuddy's shoulder. She jumped a little, dropping her file onto the counter, and Wilson reached out to catch it before it feel to the floor.

"Sorry, didn't mean to make you jump," he aid, with a smile.

"I was miles away."

"Anywhere good?" he asked, following her eyes as she looked back across the clinic.

House was by the elevators, arguing with Foreman, throwing his arms in the air every so often, his cane an extension of his arm, and the action making Cuddy wince a little.

"I'll take that as a no," Wilson said with a smile. He leaned on the counter next to Cuddy, to watch House, who was grinning slightly while he argued.

"No, it's not bad, just..." she trailed off, trying to think of the right word.

"Not good either."

"No," she agreed, smiling, her eyes still on House.

Whatever the two men were arguing about was big, and they both knew they'd be part of the discussion soon.

"What is it about him that pulls us in do you think?" Wilson asked her.

"No idea," she sighed. "Everything. Nothing."

"The blatant confidence of him," Wilson said.

"The cane makes it worse," Cuddy said, "it's like having a sign saying 'I have a big cock!'"

"You're as crass as he is."

"Which is only because he has the equipment to back it up," she continued, mostly ignoring his comment.

"Really?" Wilson asked, with a hitch in his voice. Cuddy raised an eyebrow at him.

"I didn't think you'd be surprised by in interest in House's...equipment," Wilson said, face flushed.

"I'm amused," Cuddy said, "and why not?"

"House said something when we were talking about you."

"Me?"

Wilson nodded but didn't elaborate and their attention was turned back to House as his cane was pointed towards them.

"Oh-o," Wilson said. Cuddy smiled steeled herself for a confrontation.

"Do you want to have dinner tonight?" she asked, quickly, not looking at him.

"Um?"

"I'll cook."

"You cook?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. She tapped him on the side playfully. "Eight?"

"Seven," she mumbled as House and Foreman approached them, "with House as a chaperon." He nodded. "House!" she said, "have you done your clinic hours?"

"Has hell frozen over?" he replied.


House picked up a few fingers of cheese from the bowl and rammed them into his mouth, before Cuddy slid the bowl away and slapped him on the hand.

"Why am I here again?" he asked her, looking across at Wilson, who snorted into his wine.

"Because it's easier with you here," Cuddy said, "than trying to avoid you."

"So you don't want me here?"

"We do," Wilson said, "Lisa's just annoyed that you keep eating all her cheese."

"There's hardly any for the lasagna now!"

"I got him to wear a blue shirt."

"True," she turned to look at House, smoothing a hand down his chest. "You both look very nice."

"You look gorgeous," Wilson said.

"Yeah, your tits look stunning in that dress."

"House!" Wilson and Cuddy said together.

"Sorry, the fun-bags. And you ass." Cuddy put a hand on her hip and smiled. Wilson shrugged. "Can we eat now?"

"Yes, but the lasagna will have no cheese on top."

"I'm sure it'll be fine Lisa."

At the table, House had insisted on sitting at the head, with Cuddy and Wilson on opposite sides.

"So what, am I chaperoning this date? Participating?" House asked around a mouth full of lasagna.

"What do you see in him again James?" Cuddy asked Wilson across the table.

"It escapes me right now," he answered with a grin.

"I just want to know so I can play footsie with you both under the table."

"You've never played footsie in your life," Cuddy said, laughing.

"Maybe not, but I do have this cool cane to push that cute little dress up with," he said leering down her cleavage. "Or maybe play with Jimmy's crotch."

Wilson and Cuddy looked at each other with a small smile.

"Or maybe I can do both at once," House continued.

"Just eat your dinner House," Wilson said.

"Sure thing mom."

He took a huge bite of his lasagna and they watched him eat for a moment, satisfying themselves that he was okay.

"This is between the three of us," Wilson said, "this date. I like Lisa's legs, you like her breasts, we both like...you."

"She likes your hair," House said.

"My hair?" he asked her, Cuddy blushing. "You have strange attractions."

"No shit, I slept with House," she said with a grin.

"She was good," House said, shoving another forkful of food into his mouth.

"Are you going to eat your salad?" Cuddy asked.

"Are you going to have sex with me?"

"Are you going to have sex with Wilson?" she asked.

"If he wants it, of course," he said, looking over at him. He was blushing and smiling, then he felt a leg hook around the calf of his good leg, Wilson looking shy for a moment. "Why Jimmy, I didn't know you cared."

"Shut up and eat your salad House," he said.