A/N: Blah. So as you may or may not know, I've recently gotten myself sucked into an insane obsession with Touhou, so insane that it's not even funny. I'm still into Azumanga and Kirby and stuff, but right now I'm trapped into this current obsession and now I feel obligated to write something. Just a one-shot, y'know, and maybe it'll get me back into the curve of writing. After this it's probably back to Mars and Jupiter for a while, maybe an Azumanga Daioh fic every now and then. I honestly have no ideas for Kirby fics so don't expect a lot of those.
If you're just here because you're a fan of my works, then I suggest you scroll down to the bottom of the screen and read the information written there so you'll get some of the jokes in the story. That number should only be, like, one or two, though.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, because if I did that would be extremely creepy, especially considering that they're all female. 'Cept Rinnosuke. He's a man. But the rest are girls.
I'm the Strongest
"Order! Hey, everybody! Shut up and let me talk!"
Cirno slammed her palm against the podium. The podium was made entirely out of ice. In fact, most of what was around her was ice. Her audience, consisting of Mystica and Wriggle, was sitting upon chairs made of ice. The lake beneath them was frozen solid. There were trees on the shore, but they were pretty dead from the cold. Sitting beside the podium was a frozen frog, looking somewhat dazed, as if it were saying, "Hey, what happened? I feel cold... geez, I got such a hangover..."
Or something like that.
"Cirno, my butt's cold," complained Wriggle, shifting left and right in her chair as if she were... well, wriggling.
"Too bad," responded the ice fairy coldly. "We all have to make sacrifices, Nightbug!"
"So, Cirno, aside from making us freeze off our butts," said Mystica, "what did you call us here for?"
"Well, you see," began Cirno melodramatically, "it all began when Mario, the princess and I went to Dinosaur World for a vacation."
"That doesn't sound right," said Mystica, scratching her head.
"You know what, Lorelei?!" snapped Cirno. "You can just shut up!"
"Nine," grumbled Mystica. Wriggle nodded in agreement and placed her cape under her bottom in an attempt to keep warm. It didn't work.
"Now, then, I suppose I could go into detail, but since we're short on time, I'll cut to the chase," said Cirno loudly, trying to make herself heard over the commotion. "People think I'm an idiot."
"You ARE an idiot," said Mystica.
"I am NOT an idiot!" shouted Cirno. "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid! I'm the strongest in all of Gensokyo. And to prove it to you, I shall demonstrate!" She picked up the frozen frog. "We're going to have a quick round of danmaku! Watch me demolish this pathetic enemy with ease!"
"It's gonna be a close match," noted Wriggle.
"Now, then..." said the ice fairy. "Have at you! Icicle Fall!" A bunch of icicles flew to Cirno's sides. They flew forward and all missed their target. In fact, anything directly in front of her was completely unfazed. "Curses!" growled Cirno.
"My bet's on the frog," Mystica whispered to Wriggle.
"You stupid frog!" shouted the fairy. "I'll show you! Take this!" She kicked the frog; it flew into the air, ricocheted off the podium and ended up hitting Cirno in the forehead.
"...I think she lost," Mystica mumbled.
"I-I was just going easy on him!" stammered Cirno, frustrated. "He was no match, so I let him have that win!"
"Ugh," sighed Wriggle, facepalming.
"Well, anyway, maybe I don't feel like testing my strength!" continued Cirno. "Mental strength instead for now! I'll prove to you I'm not stupid! C'mon, give me a math problem, any math problem!"
"Uhhh... one plus one," said Mystica.
"It is not!"
"That's totally wrong."
"Wriggle! Help me out here!"
"It's two," said Wriggle.
"No it's not! It's nine!" protested Cirno.
"Okay it's nine."
"Told you!" boasted Cirno. "Mystica is stupid, stupid Mystica, stupid... I beat you in math! That must mean you're an idiot!"
A vein twitched in Mystica's forehead. "Wriggle, do something," she pleaded.
"But it IS nine," grinned Wriggle, purposefully letting the joke continue; hopefully Cirno would go bragging that she was smarter than Mystica, and that the townspeople would realize that if CIRNO was smarter than Mystica, then Mystica must be a super-idiot.
"Idiots," hissed Mystica. "Okay, what's the square root of nine?"
"Nine," said Wriggle and Cirno in unison.
"Who're YOU calling stupid?" grinned Wriggle.
"Augh, I'm surrounded by idiots!" screamed Mystica, irritated.
"But there aren't any mirrors here," pointed out Wriggle.
"I don't need your help!"
"The first step is admitting that you need help!"
"AAAAAAAH WRIGGLE YOU'RE BEING AN IDIOT!!"
"You don't even know one plus one!" cackled Cirno.
"AUGH!! I'll rip both of your spleens out and whip you with them!"
As the trio of idiots engaged in a rather violent brawl with one another, they failed to notice the flash of a camera in the distance. Aya Shameimaru sneered, took a good look at the pictures, and headed back to her house.
Mystica's eyes grew wider than dinner plates. BIG dinner plates. "This is madness!" she exclaimed, gesturing towards the issue of Bunbunmaru News in front of her. "This... is... SPARTA!!"
"I thought this was Gensokyo," said Wriggle, glancing at the paper. She frowned, then suddenly burst into laughter. She laughed for several minutes on end, then, when the laughing had died down some, she managed to choke out, "You, you... you really... you really are an... an idiot!! Hey, Cirno, come look at this!" Cirno flew over and read the newspaper. She too burst into maniacal laughter.
"You're such an idiot, Mystica!"
"SHA...MEI...MARU!!" screamed Mystica, suddenly bursting into dramatic looking flames.
"Dinner!" said Yuyuko gleefully, and devoured Mystica whole.
A/N: So there you go. Originally I was going to include Rumia, but I figured it'd work better with just three characters. Anyway here's the reference list thing for those unfamiliar with Touhou (if you know these characters already just skip.):
Cirno: Cirno is an ice fairy who lives on a frozen lake outside the Scarlet Devil Mansion. She is officially declared an idiot in the Phantasmagoria of Flower View manual, in which there's a picture of Cirno, a nine with a circle round it nearby her, and a caption with a circle nine as well. The caption reads merely "Idiot." As a result, she's constantly ridiculed for being kind of lacking in the brain. Brain freeze, perhaps? Or maybe she's just plain stupid. Freezes frogs for fun.
Mystica Lorelei: Stage 2 boss of Imperishable Night. Mystica became a bit of a joke character after supposedly being "consumed" by Yuyuko. As a result, she's often classified as food. There was a song, Suwako asks if Cirno is considered a snack. Mystica is definitely a snack.
Wriggle Nightbug: Stage 1 boss of Imperishable Night. A low-tier character along with Cirno and Mystica. I honestly don't know WHAT she's made fun of for. She has the ability to control, uh, bugs? I'm not sure how that's really helpful aside from causing really bad rashes from mosquito bites.
Aya Shameimaru: Reporter for Bunbunmaru News. Often classified as a gossipy kind of character. There's a joke where people shout out her last name, like, "SHAMEIMARU!!" Yeah. Not sure what the story is behind that.
Yuyuko Saigyouji: Might've spelled her last name wrong. Yuyuko's the final boss of Perfect Cherry Blossom. Not a major character in this story. Considered as a rather gluttonous character.
Author's OTHER Note: Yeah, thanks for reading and all. Hope you enjoyed it. ...Yeah, that's about it. May write more Touhou stuff, but I'm trying to shift back into writing period with this, so I may write for some other categories. Ah well. At least it's something. Hooray!
Oh yeah, if you read this all the way through, it would really help if you left a review. I mean, just because I like reviews. Reviews are cool. Unless they're flames or spam or something. Those SUCK.