My Best Friend's Girl

My Best Friend's Girl



Everyone in Forks knew that Police Chief Swan had a wife and daughter who fled this piece of shit town fifteen years ago. I only wish my old lady would take Rose and I and split. I'd give almost anything to get the hell out of here. This incestuous town made me crazy, we were stuck with the same sad motherfuckers day in and day out.

But not many people in this town actually knew Bella Swan. When we were kids, we hung out when she came to see Charlie for the summer. She was a cool, quiet kid. I liked her even if she was too plain for Rose's high standards. She was my first kiss, my first slide into first base, and I used to look up her skirts when we climbed trees in the woods.

When we were ten, we started writing each other emails, and then we started chatting online everyday. Bella's cool.

I used to tell everyone Bella was my girlfriend, mostly because I didn't want Edward's sloppy seconds. Edward Cullen, my best friend, was the town whore. He fucked every girl in Forks twice. And fucked over every girl in Forks more than that. The only two girls left in Forks untouched by Cullen's junk were his sister, Alice, and my own sister, Rosalie. Edward was an ass, but he was cool with me. And besides, it was fun watching him cockblock Newton at every party Forks had since we were old enough to get it up. That shit never gets old.

But now my proverbial crow was coming home to roost. I used to tell everyone Bella was my girlfriend, but I actually hadn't seen her for a few years. The last time I saw her, we were fourteen and that shit was awkward. The last time I talked to Bella was last week. She messaged me and told me that she was fed up with her new step-dad and she was packing her stuff to come to Forks so her mom could work some drama out.

When I told Cullen, he was thrilled. "Be nice to see you get some ass, Hale!" he crowed. Little did he know that I've been going to UW and fucking co-eds every other weekend.

Fuck. I haven't seen Bella in two years! She could have porked out, or be covered in some nasty ass acne or something. I was so fucked, but if I told Cullen this shit, I'd be fucked even more. So I started praying that Bella Swan was hot. And that she'd still let me in her panties. Just so Cullen would shut the fuck up.

I am so fucked.


This girl could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. She easily gave the best head in Forks. However the bitch got on my nerves, and the minute I came all over her face, I was throwing her out of my house. God, what was her name? Jessica? Janice? Julie?

Besides, Esme and Carlisle would have a shit fit if they knew I was upstairs fooling around in my room.

"Edward?" Whoever-she-was asked. "Call me?"

"Uh, sure, uh…Julie?" I said, grasping at straws.

"What the fuck, Edward?" She growled. Shit. Guess I got her name wrong, then. I put on my best charming smile.

"We've gone to school together since kindergarten! We've been hanging out for months and I was just sucking your dick and you can't remember my name!" She was getting loud. Time to go, bitch.

God, I hated this drama shit.

After I threw uh, what's-her-name out, I called Jasper to see if I could drag him off his computer long enough to drink a few cans before we'd have to call it a night. The pussy had to be in by eleven on school nights. Ugh. That whole family was so uptight.

Ever since that Swan chick said she's moving here, he was even more wound up than usual. I bet she's a dog.

I wasn't about to let him off the hook and tell him that if he'd just fess up and tell me that she hasn't had his balls in a jar since they were kids, I'd let him off with just a moderate amount of torture.

And I was going to force that boy to get laid. He fucking needed to.

Stupid fuck.

I rolled a joint and headed out to the Volvo to pick Jasper's lame bitch ass up.


It's either Forks or boarding school. Fuck boarding school.

Renée is fucking nuts. Bitch needs to sort her shit out. I'm out.