Rodney snickered, loudly. John whirled around, pointing a finger threateningly in his face. "You will not speak." He hissed.

Rodney only grinned. "What are you going to do, flirt with me?"

John looked betrayed as Ronon dissolved into laughter and even Teyla's lips twitched.

"This. is. Not. Funny." John insisted, impatiently tossing a strand of long red hair out of his eyes.

Teyla struggled briefly before she, too, succumbed to laughter. "I am sorry, John," She gasped through her giggles. "But it really is amusing."

John scowled, then winced as the corset dug into his ribs. Rodney pulled himself together enough to speak. "It wouldn't be as bad, except that...he's so...pretty..." The laughter took over again.

"Stop it! Guys, seriously!" John was almost begging. As if the whole mission hadn't gone badly enough...

It had started out innocently. A simple trading mission with a new people. They had been civilized enough to have some herbal medicines worth trading for, and their tour guide had been absolutely beautiful. It was exactly the kind of mission that John loved. A little down time, Teyla would handle the negotiating, and he had a pretty woman to flirt with to pass the time.

Only, it had turned out that the woman was a man.

Apparently the Neothians had a custom of making everyone in their village walk a mile in someone else's shoes (well, clothing).

The man had been rude to a woman, and in penance was being forced to act like one for the time of one week.

John had found out, been rude to the man (who was currently a woman in the eyes of the village), and been submitted to the same punishment.

He now stood before his team in a long red wig, perfect make up, and womens clothing. The chief had strapped him into a one piece suit that included hip padding, a corset, and a bra so that he did, in fact, look like a woman. Even better, the combination of the weight of the suit and the four inch heels they forced him into was making him stand like a woman.

Teyla composed herself first. "It is...not that bad." She tried. John sent her a look. "Okay, it is not good. But...perhaps no one on Atlantis will recognize you."

Rodney gaped in horror, all amusement forgotten. "Oh no! That's a good point!" His forehead smoothed abruptly. "No, no we can just tell them."

Ronon nodded emphatically, and began mashing the buttons on the DHD.

John turned to Teyla imploringly. "Just... go through, get me some clothes and come back." She frowned at him.

"That would be very rude to our hosts." She scolded. John searched their surroundings desperately.

"They aren't even here, Teyla!"

She shook her head, a slight grin tugging at her features. "I'm sorry, John."

The gate whooshed to life, the normally comforting blue glow now seeming ominous.

Rodney gestured excitedly. "Ladies first." He was nearly bouncing with anticipation.

John shot one last pleading look at him team. No one budged.

"Fine." He spat. Calmly, he walked towards the event horizon. Just before he crossed it, he turned back and shot a smirk at his team.

With one swift motion, he pulled a knife out of his purse and cut through the clothing and body suit. He paused to wipe the makeup off on a sleeve of the robe, then threw the entire costume into the nearby woods.

He sighed. "Much better." With one last smirk, John Sheppard strolled casually through the event horizon, entirely naked.


SGA-1 stood on the other side of the gate in shock.

"My...my eyes." Whimpered Rodney. Ronon nodded.

Teyla simply laughed before following her leader through the gate.