Heads up: Spoilers for the Episode 2x5 ("The Serena Also Rises") ahead. If you haven't seen this week's episode, don't read!

Harnessing Chuck Bass

"I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back so I don't outshine you." –Serena to Blair in the Ep 2.5 promo

Serena's words reverberate in Blair's head as she storms out of the fashion show and into the crowded, rainy streets of New York City in the midst of fashion week. Blair Waldorf isn't sure what happened in the past week and a half to transform her best friend into a pigment-challenged version of Georgina Sparks, but she's sure as hell not going to stand back and watch her kingdom crumble as she waits to find out.

Blair heads towards the one person she can always count on for wreaking havoc. It kills to her to admit it, but Chuck Bass has skills. She just needs to harness them properly for her own purposes.

She bangs on the door of Chuck's suite at the Plaza. She's sure he's there-he wasn't at the fashion show, so he can't be anywhere else-although coming face-to-face with one of the bimbos she's also sure he's entertaining is not a tantalizing prospect.

"Chuck! I know you're in there!" Blair commands through the oak door, directing a fierce gaze to the small glass peephole. "Open up!"

The door swings backwards, revealing a smirking Chuck. Blair tries to keep her eyes from straying to the scenery behind him, trying to avoid the inevitable sheet-clad model tip-toeing out of his bed, but she loses that inner battle. But instead of the underfed, flat-chested waif she was expecting she sees….Dan Humphrey?

Ew. Make that an underfed, sunken-chested male waif. And fully clothed, thank god, although he seemed awful comfortable on that black leather couch.

"I would never have thought one of your stature would ever stoop to sampling Brooklyn's wares. Are you really having that much trouble getting laid this week, out of all weeks?" Blair asks cuttingly, referring to the fact that New York Fashion Week is teeming with beautiful girls trying to land a permanent position in the upper echelons of society.

And what better position than spread-eagled in Chuck Bass's silk-sheeted bed?

Chuck rolls his eyes and turns to Dan faux-apologetically. "Forgive her. The jealousy does awful things to her already wicked tongue."

"I'll bet," Dan mutters under his breath, but shuts his mouth when he sees Blair's glare.

"Don't tell me he talks, too?" Blair's expression turns more contemplative. "Wait. I take that back. I need your help."

Chuck's immaculately groomed eyebrows furrow. "And not mine?"

"Of course I need yours!" She snaps. "I know you must be bored, playing in your hotel all by your lonesome with nobody's head to fuck with."

Chuck jerks his thumb towards Dan in response to the 'all by your lonesome' remark.

Blair laughs. "Please. As if Cabbage Patch's tiny brain is at all fun to play games with."

"You didn't seem to mind him so much when he was helping us take down Georgina."

"I tolerated him since he was dating Serena. Now I have no such incentive, especially seeing as that bitch is now totally AWOL."

"You mean Georgina? Blair, we sent her to that boot camp. There's no way she's escaping from…oh." Chuck pauses. "You meant Serena." His lips curve upwards into a smile. "I see."

Dan waves his hands from across the room. "Hello? Still here?" He complains-probably still hung up on the Cabbage Patch slur, Blair realizes.

"I've got a bone to pick with your ex-girlfriend, Humphrey," Blair announces. She doesn't notice that Chuck's grin gets even wider and even more self-satisfied. "And you both are going to help me."

"Now?" Dan Humphrey, as always, remains clueless.

Blair sighs. "It's not like you have anything better to do." Hearing Chuck's cough, she amends. "Or anyone better to do."

Chuck taps his finger on his chin dramatically, pretending to ponder. "We'll do it."

CBCBCBCB

AN: I know. There's no plot in this snuff (snark-fluff). But I haven't written anything in so long and this just kind of came out and I was so frustrated after the end of 2x4...forgive me? And I hope y'all like it. Or not. Just clicky the blue button and let me know!

Edited to Add: There WILL, I repeat, WILL be a continuation of this. After every ep, I will put a new scene in that includes at least one of the main characters (Chuck, Blair, Dan, Serena, etc.) reacting to the previous episodes and acting in preparation for the next. That way, I can stay current with the GG continuity but still have FUN making this a little more AU.