If you deplore the plight of everyday man
But you can fix it with your master plan,
If you can see the world as no one else can,
But recognize they just can't understand -
If you can paint your face upon a weapon,
And slather crime scenes with your special theme,
And whirl into excuses in one second -
"It was all them! It surely wasn't me!"

If things go fast, they must, of course, go faster -
If things are big, they're never big enough,
If dreams rebuilt can make you Gotham's master
Regardless of the fact that it's a bluff -
If you can smile and nod at your parolers
And claim that you're miraculously cured
Then go and slaughter infants in their strollers
And still act innocent as baby birds -

If you can put on masks and capes and spandex
And prance about the city late at night
If even when the Batman wrecks your projects
The pride inside you still is burning bright -
If you can last in Arkham's deepest dungeons
And entertain yourself with just your mind,
If you can live among the mad unloved ones
Where everyone is vicious and unkind,

If you can fight with Bats and keep your teeth in,
If you can run from cops and never fall,
If when you're given drugs, you always cheek them,
If prison's just a different set of walls-
If you can fill the days and endless minutes
With schemes and plots and quite malicious fun,
A life of crime is yours - now go begin it,
And - what is more - you'll be a Bat-villain!