A/N: Don't own it, don't have money, don't sue!
A/N2: I'm not giving up on my other story, I just have NO clue what to write.
"Is there a reason, Mr. Potter, that you did not hand in your homework?" sneered Professor Snape, "do you feel you don't NEED to do any course work?"
"Well, you see, sir," Harry said. "it's raining outside."
Professor Snape paused, waiting for him to go on, and get to the reason the rain kept him from doing his homework, but it seemed that the boy would say no more on the subject without prompting.
"And just why," he asked with a sigh, "did the fact that it is raining keep you from doing your homework?"
"Well, sir," he began, "we had quidditch practice last night."
Snape waited again, but Harry did not continue. "Well, what does that have to do with the fact that it is raining, and therefore you didn't do your homework?!" he was beginning to get quite frustrated.
"Well, I got hit with a bludger and spent the night in the hospital wing, unconscious. I was therefore unable to set my alarm clock, and thus, I overslept." he finished with a smile.
With a glare at his student, Snape simply growled, "continue."
"Oh, well, since I overslept, I missed breakfast."
This time, Snape merely snarled at Harry, picking up on the meaning, Harry continued.
"Well, I couldn't very well go to class hungry could I?" he asked, while attempting to give his professor a puppy dog look, unfortunately for Harry, Snape was more likely to kick a puppy than pet it. So he hastily went on. "So I went down to the kitchens to get some breakfast. Unfortunately, I forgot about Dobby being there, and well, he wouldn't let me leave until he offered me every kind of breakfast food there was in the kitchens… and let me tell you sir," here, he dropped his voice to a whisper, causing the professor to move closer to hear him, "there is waaaaay too much damn food in this castle."
Harry paused as most of the class giggled at this, until Snape glared at them all that is.
"So, that put me another hour and a half behind schedule. By now, I had missed my first class and most of my second. I then went up to the common room, to retrieve my bag with my homework. It wasn't until I made it there that I realized I had forgotten the password! Must have been a side effect of the bludger…" Harry then got a far off expression on his face, and his professor noticed that his eyes became unfocused and went slightly crossed.
Snape moved closer and waved his hand in front of Harry's face, hoping to wake him up. Finally, Harry jumped and his eyes focused again, and continued with his story as if nothing had happened.
"So, I stood in the hallway, waiting for SOMEONE to come along and tell me the password. I waited for two hours before I realized I was talking to the wrong portrait."
Here the other students once again gave into laughter. It took the professor longer than normal to tell them to be quiet, as he had to resist the urge to laugh at the student himself. Instead of speaking, he simply made a 'go on' gesture with his hand.
"So, after I realized my mistake, I went on a quest!" with that, he simply beamed at his professor and stopped speaking.
Looking at his student with trepidation, Snape was beginning to wonder if he really wanted to know the rest, but, he figured the longer this went on, the more house points he would be able to take from the boys house.
Snape merely raised an eyebrow at the boy to get him to continue.
"Well, I had to get my homework, which was in my bag, which was in the common room, which was behind a portrait that I had to find!" Harry took a deep breath and continued, "my quest did not start out promising. I wandered around for almost an HOUR searching for help! I mean, all the students were in class, who was I SUPPOSED to ask? The only being I came upon that would help was Peeves."
Snape couldn't help it this time, he rolled his eyes, and let out a groan… the boy was an idiot, he asked Peeves for help…
"and, well, we all know how… errr, 'helpful' Peeves is. He offered to bring me to the right portrait, if I could answer one question out of three correctly. It took me another hour to answer one of them, and by now, I had missed lunch as well. I decided it would be ill-advised for me to return to the kitchens again, however."
Here Harry paused and shifted somewhat in his seat, and had a slightly guilty look on his face.
"I see." Snape said, "just what were these three questions?"
Harry paled and winced at that, and said, "I was afraid you would ask me that… the first question was 'What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?'"
Upon hearing this, Snape froze. How could it have taken the boy an hour to answer a first year question, a question he, himself, had asked the boy in his FIRST potions class?
Taking a deep breath, Harry continued, "The second question was 'Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?' and the last was 'What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?'"
The boy was an idiot…
"Which question did you finally answer correctly?" Snape asked, holding his breath. He was afraid he would burst out laughing.
Seeming to shrink even more into his chair, Harry replied, "The second question, but… I er, answered it cause a passing first year told me."
The entire class erupted into laughter. Snape's face turned a lovely shade of violet as he attempted to quiet his own desire to laugh. He attempted to open his mouth to tell the brain-dead student to continue, but instead, to his horror, a giggle escaped, sending the students into a renewed fit of laughter.
Hearing his professor giggle, Harry stared at him, then continued his story. As soon as he began the class went dead silent. No one wanted to miss a word of this!
"After I answered it, he brought me to the correct portrait, and I gave the password, the correct one, then ran through the common room, searching for my backpack with all my homework inside it. I couldn't locate it in the common room, and so I went off up the stairs to check by my bed. It wasn't until I ran back down into the common room that Peeves informed me that I was… wearing my backpack." Harry winced at this, and the laughter, and went on. "By that time, there was only ten minutes left until class, this class, and I therefore had no time to do my homework before I arrived."
Having finished his story, Harry slumped down into his chair waiting for his fellow students, and his snarky professor to get control of their giggles (yes, even Snape was shamelessly giggling at Harry's story)
Finally under control Snape stood once more in front of Harry.
"However amusing that story was Mr. Potter, you still have yet to explain how the fact that it is raining now, somehow kept you from doing your homework yesterday, before quidditch." Snape paused and looked up at the clock and stared in shock. He had allowed to boy to use up their entire period with his extremely long story!
"Well?" he demanded of Harry, "how does the fact that it is now raining stop you from completing your homework yesterday?"
Harry very slowly raised his head and met his professors glare, and shot him a concerned look.
"I don't know, sir, how?" Harry asked.
"But.. you just… you told me that's why you didn't hand in your homework!" Snape sputtered out.
"But, sir, how could today's weather have anything to do with what I did yesterday? I didn't know you studied Divination..." Harry questioned.
Before Snape could think of a reply, the bell rang, class was over. Harry had succeeded in what he had hoped. He had made Snape waste an entire class, and he had him so confused by the end, Harry walked out of the class without detention or a deduction of house points, and still didn't get into trouble for his lack of homework.