Based on the famous thought experiment by Erwin Schrödinger. Set during that scene on Bespin, as Leia watches Han being frozen.
A person –
A hot-headed smuggler, a reluctant rebel and the love of my life –
is placed in a sealed box –
is buried alive –
alongside a flask containing a poison.
alongside the negligible chance that he will live, and the far greater probability that I have just seen him die.
"Put him in."
If radiation is detected –
If I return to reality –
then the flask is shattered –
then I will hear three-tone alarms in a mockery of funeral bells –
and the person will die.
and my world will implode in on itself into glass and pain and leiai'msorryiloveyouiknow.
"If you put him in there, it might kill him."
If radiation is not detected –
If he defeats the odds that he never cared (cares) about –
then the flask will hold –
then we will be shot in the back of the head together –
and the person will live.
and it will be a dreamlike happilyeverafter ending fit for a Princess, even though my people are dead and my planet is gone and it wasn't ended with a kiss.
"If he survives –"
So we must regard –
So I must force myself to accept –
the person –
my Han, my life, my soul –
as simultaneously alive and dead.
as simultaneously alive and – no, no, no, don't think of that.
Yet our minds cannot see the person as both.
Yet I watch his body, caught in a still-frame in a half-breath and I wonder if he was inhaling or exhaling when –
"Did he survive?"
In our minds, we see the person as either alive or dead.
Because he is caught in a moment in time that my subconscious is unable to leave, and a memory is neither alive, nor dead.
"My Lord ... he is --" leia i'm sorry i love you i know --
leia i'm sorry i love you i know --