Author's Note: Hey there! Okay so this is my first ever Twilight story and I would really appreciate some reviews and ideas for future stories. I love Twilight with a passion and I would love for you all to realize that and no flames please. And the song used is 'Wish you were' by Kate Voegele.
Summary: I might have been dreaming, I don't know for sure, but I could've sworn that he was real and he really was there holding me. Takes place during New Moon. First story ever please review!
Sometimes I can't explain
And I'm so sorry that I can't
I'll try to concentrate
On your true identity
I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here
- "Wish You Were" Kate Voegele
It was another lonely October night. The cool brisk air could be heard roaring outside my window through the dark of the night. I lifted my head off my pillow and I looked over at my clock and I almost groaned when I saw the time. The time was three o'clock in the morning. I had struggled for hours to get to sleep and I just gave up trying. If my body didn't want to sleep, then why should I even fight it? It was obvious I would never fall asleep like this. I sighed loudly to myself as I threw my quilt from off of me and I tiptoed out of my bed and I walked over to my window and looked out the window. It never occurred to me how serene and beautiful Forks really was in the middle of the night. It seemed new to me, like I was never here before. It was like I was appreciating everything for a first time. I always was thankful and awed by my surroundings, but it seemed like I didn't do it enough and I needed to do it right that moment.
I looked up at the sky and I was disappointed to see very few stars. The chances of seeing a clear starry sky for even a single moment was rare. Forks was a very wet and cool climate and it often rained. But in the year and a half that I had spent living with Charlie in Forks, I had grown to like it. No, that's an understatement. I love it. It took a while, but then I fell in love with Forks. And I know it was because of Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen the vampire. Edward Cullen the vampire with liquid, golden topaz eyes. Edward the vampire with liquid, golden topaz eyes that I had irrevocably fell in love with. He had my heart whether he was a vampire or not. But he just threw it away a month ago. He left with his family and left me behind. And part of me didn't know if he even cared that my heart was in pieces and there was no way for me to put it back together. In fact, I hadn't even attempted to heal it. I was too broken. He said it was time for a change because he was tired of pretending to be something he wasn't. This thought provoked him after the unpleasant incident at the party they threw for my eighteenth birthday. My birthday made me lose the one person I had ever fallen in love with.
Tears began to fill my eyes as I thought of Edward. I missed him. So much. I ached with longing when I thought of him or even said his name. It seemed like every little thing I said or did reminded me of him. Every time I was lonely, I always thought I saw his face. Especially at night when I would just have some hope that maybe he would sneak into my room and watch me sleep and dream about him. Whenever he was in my room at night, I felt less lonely and when we would talk and the way he would hold me made me fall even more in love with him than before. If that was even possible. Even now, a month since he left, I'm still convinced that maybe he was somewhere really close by watching over me and making sure I wasn't getting into any trouble or getting myself hurt. I almost wished he knew that I was hurt. Maybe not from falling or breaking any bones, but my heart was hurt. And it hurt to admit that it was because of him. He was the reason my heart hurt. As the tears began to try to escape, I suddenly felt something cold gently touch my back. The feeling sent shivers down my spine and I slowly turned around and my eyes widened at what I saw. Or who I saw rather. It was Edward. Even in the darkness, his topaz eyes shone brighter than I remember.
"Edward?" I asked, while my voice about to choke from disbelief. For the longest time, Edward didn't say anything; he just stared intently into my eyes and he let that famous crooked smile creep across his face as his hand ran through my hair. I trembled as I tried to keep my tears from falling, but a few traitor tears streaked down my face. I soon found myself hoping that he didn't see the tears that were soaking my cheeks. But he saw them almost immediately. And it wasn't long until I felt his cool fingertips grace over my cheeks so he could wipe them away just as quick. As his thumb graced over my cheek, I noticed that his eyes were very focused in on my own, like he was trying to burn every little detail about myself into his memory forever. The forever he wanted to spend without me.
"Bella…" Edward's voice mumbled, his voice just exactly how I remember it. Being able to hear his voice made the tears fall quicker from my eyes and I didn't try to resist them this time. I just wanted to feel Edward's cold but broad hands on my face. I wanted to feel his touch. I took half a step closer to him so I could hear his faint breathing. I was very cognizant as I rested my head on his rock hard grip. I might have been dreaming, I don't know for sure, but I could've sworn that he was real and he really was there holding me. As he held me in is iron grip, I tried to remember his scent. I tried to see if it was still there. And it was. Even better than before.
"Edward…please tell me that this isn't a dream. Please tell me that you are here to stay with me. Forever." I whispered, still holding out hope that maybe he couldn't live without me and that he would turn me into a vampire so we could spend forever together like I had begged him several times. I heard Edward sigh loudly as he slowly released me from his grip so that he could see my eyes. His eyes seemed serious and forlorn.
"Bella. I can't. I won't. We can never spend forever together. I told you. I can't keep pretending that I am human. Everything that I do will end up almost killing you. I don't want to live with that guilt for the rest of my life." Edward told me again, his voice just showing the same amount of remorse as his eyes did. I looked up at him and I shook my head, trying to keep the tears from falling again.
"Edward, please. I can't do this without you. I'm not giving up. Wanting to be with you is like trying to touch a star. You know you'll never accomplish it, but you just keep on trying. I don't want to stop trying Edward. I want…no I need you. Everyday and every night, I sit here and wonder if you'll ever understand just how much of me really belongs to you. Every inch of me and every breath that I breathe belongs to you. Even when you…when you left…a part of me knew that I still belonged to you; whether you wanted to be here or not." I breathlessly said to Edward, needing to tell him to really see how hopelessly devoted I was to him. I needed him to see how desperately I needed him back in my life. Edward went back to just staring at me wordlessly. His expression was difficult to read and I didn't know what was running through his head. He bent his head down and he brushed his lips across my forehead.
"Bella, honey, you're making this so hard for me. I love you. Damn it Bella, I love you!" Edward pleaded desperately, his eyes not breaking from mine. This is where I become confused and at a loss.
"Then why did you leave? Why did you leave me behind if you loved me?" I asked, testing him and trying to get some answers from him. But Edward didn't fall for my trick as easy as I had thought.
"I told you Bella. I can't pretend anymore. I am not a human like you." Edward flatly reminded me, as if I wished I weren't human enough. I slowly walked out of Edward's grasp and I shook my head, my own lunacy driving me off the edge.
"I don't think that's the full reason Edward. I think there's something you're not telling me. And I am not letting you leave until you tell me what it is." I forcefully told Edward, my stubbornness showing itself incredibly. I could've been hallucinating but I thought I saw him grin at me.
"Bella, you aren't using your common sense here. Please get back to bed. You'll be better in the morning and things will go back to the way they were before you ever knew who I was." Edward said, using that catchphrase again. I was getting sick of it.
"I don't remember what life was like before you came along. And I don't want to. The taboo of my life before you is one that I don't ever want to go back to. When I think about my old life, I feel even sadder because you weren't even in that life. Any life without you makes me feel physically sick to my stomach and I don't want you disappear from my future. I don't want to take any risks without you by my side telling me to be careful." I admitted, nothing but the sad and tragic truth coming from my voice. Edward shook his head from side to side as he rested his hand on my neck, the warmth of my neck contrasting against the bitterness of his hand.
"Bella don't say that.Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't become a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one waits forever." Edward philosophically told me, hoping to convince me that he was going to hold me back. But it was the last four words of his sermon that caused a fury to burn up inside of me.
"Now you're being a hypocrite!" I retorted just above a whisper so that Charlie wouldn't hear my yelling. Edward sighed with regret at the choice of his words and he shook his head, looking me right in the eye.
"I did not mean it like that Bella. Someone out there in the world is going to waiting for you to jump for them and spend forever with them." Edward said in defense, trying to be as strong as he could and emphasizing the word 'them' as much as he could. My eyes softened sadly when he mentioned someone else waiting for me. There was no one else; there was only Edward. That was what I wanted.
"Are you that someone who's waiting for me to jump?" I asked with a small voice, almost hoping that he wouldn't hear me. I thought he didn't at first; he didn't say anything for several moments. But my hopes were crushed when he took hold of both my hands and he pulled me into his iron chest and embraced me like it was that last time he would ever see me again. Before I even knew it, I was scooped up into his arms and he gently placed me on my bed, pulling my quilt over me. He then placed a gentle kiss on my head.
"Bella, I don't want to leave but I can't stay. I had given you my reasons and I don't know how to make them any clearer for you. But I just want you to know that I love you. I love you more than anything I've ever loved in my life. And I know that you're hurting because of me, but it will ease eventually. Everything will fall into place. I promise you Bella. This is our last goodbye...it's over now. Just hear this and then I'll go forever; you gave me more to live for then you'll ever know, Bella." Edward vowed, his voice beginning to blunder. It was obvious that he was becoming more vulnerable now than he ever had been before. I sat up and I placed myself so our faces were only inches apart from each other. I wanted to really look into his eyes and remember the security and affection I felt when I was with him, no matter what he really was. Edward could resist anymore and he lifted both his hands and he cupped both my cheeks into his hands, caressing them both with the pads of his cold thumbs. I closed my eyes and I remembered the sensation I felt when he held my face like he always used to do.
Gingerly, Edward slowly began to move his face even closer to mine and he let his lips gently brush against my own. A shock traveled throughout my whole body as I found myself kissing him back, the love I felt from and for him becoming more than I could possibly comprehend. Even though I should've been mad at him that he left, the love I felt for him had never dwindled. With his marble hands still holding my face, I allowed my hands to travel up to his neck, pulling him in closer to me so I could feel every ounce of his body against my own. I wanted to remember the texture of his skin so I wouldn't forget the feeling of him holding me. I thought I was flying. I thought I was on top of the world. I thought I had him back. Before I could push my fantasies any further, Edward pulled away from me and stared into my eyes as he stroked each of my cheeks one more time before releasing them from his hands. I couldn't comprehend his expression. There was some sort of anger, confusion, sadness…yet there was love and contentment.
"Bella…it's time to wake up now." Edward informed me abruptly. I blinked in surprise, not sure what he meant.
"What?" I asked in confusion. Before Edward could even explain, I was suddenly shaken by a loud ringing that didn't seem to stop.
I awoke to the strident sounds of my alarm clock. I lifted my head from off the pillow and I stared at my clock and I saw that it read seven o'clock. I just stared at it as it continued to ring in utter confusion. How could it be seven in the morning when it was just three in the morning a few short minutes ago? But then it hit me. I was never awake at three in the morning. It was all just a dream. None of it actually happened. I was just dreaming of Edward being with me; he wasn't actually there. He was God knows where. I didn't really know where he was; all I knew was that he wasn't with me. When I finally came to, I realized my alarm was still going off and I stretched my arm and I turned it off. With a saddened sigh, I got myself out of bed and I lamely walked out of my room and into my bathroom and I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Once that was accomplished I walked back into my room and I changed into my blue sweater and my jeans and shoes. I stared down at the floor of my bedroom as I shoved my hands into my pockets, trying to see if I could remember him. And that's when I felt something in my pocket.
It felt like paper. Paper that was folded a couple of times. I brought the squared piece of paper out from my pocket and I unfolded it several times and my heart skipped a beat or two when I saw the words that were written on the tiny little piece of paper. 'If I could choose again, I would still choose you –EC'. My hands trembled as I read the words over and over again. I knew that this was from Edward. I don't know how he could've given this to me. I let tears fall from my eyes as I folded the note back and I walked over to my jewelry box and I placed the letter at the bottom of the box, cherishing the only fragment I had left of Edward. If that was even from him.
Somehow through the tears that fell from my eyes, I allowed a weak smile to form across my face. It may have just have been a dream, but something deep inside the broken pieces of my heart told me that I would be with Edward again. But the next time wouldn't be when I was dreaming; I was hoping it would all be real.
Okay so I know that this isn't as good as I hoped it would be, but I would really appreciate some reviews and ideas for stories. I love you guys and I hope you enjoyed this!