A/N: I was planning to post this at the appropriate time, but then realized there would just be more of them then. I wrote this simply because the Spongebob ones on this site are all unfinished/OOC. I just wanted to try to do the spoofing justice before this plot suffers further overuse. So unless you reeeeeally hate the fic, please, no more Christmas Carols..! (No offense, I just think Dickens needs a break.)
"Ah. Christmas Eve in Bikini Bottom." narrated a nasally French accented voice. "Ze children sled on ze sand dunes, build sandmen and drink hot kelp juice. Meanwhile across town, ze Krusty Krab is shutting down for ze holiday."
Inside said Krusty Krab restaurant, fry cook Spongebob Squarepants cheerfully flipped a lone krabby patty onto a bun. Expertly garnishing it with condiments, he rang the little bell at the server window.
"Squuuidwaaaaarrrd!" ha called happily, "Last order of the day, one Krabby Patty Patty special, extra sauces hold the veggies!"
Squidward's irritated face appeared in the window.
"Whatever Spongebob, just give it to me, will ya?" he grouched.
"Sure thing buddy." smiled the sponge as his arm stretched to place the patty on the windowsill, "Aaand here you go!"
Rolling his eyes, Squidward took the plate and turned to the customer.
"Here, one krabby patty." he drawled, extending it, "Take it, enjoy, come back soon, blah, blah, blah."
The customer, a golden brown fish, grinned to reveal many very long, sharp teeth. Squidward's eyebrow rose at this. The customer darted forward, chomping the plate in the cashier's grip before mannerly dabbing his lips with a handkerchief, turning, and sauntering out the door. Eyebrow still raised, Squidward flexed his tentacles to make sure he still had them, not noticing Spongebob sliding out the kitchen door behind him.
"Ahhh, another day, another dime." Spongebob sighed contentedly, "But not today! Da-aa-aa-aa! Hey Squidward, do you know what time it is nooow?" He jittered with newfound excitement.
"Time to go home and forget about you?" Squidward replied.
"Ha ha! Nooo..." Spogebob grinned, flipping his wrist, "It's time to get, oouurr Christmas bonuuuss!" He jumped in the air whooping, ran around in circles and zipped to Mr. Krabs' office door. "C'mon Squiddy! What're you waiting for?"
"You to get out of my life." muttered Squidward under his breath. Nonetheless, he crossed the room and joined Spongebob by the door.
Slowly, slowly Spongebob opened the door. Inside, Mr. Krabs sat at his desk surrounded by money. In his claws he held an array of bills, and he looked at them sweetly until he heard the approach of his employees. Then he quickly stashed the bills under his desk, a fairly useless act, as he was still surrounded by currency.
"Arr, and what d'ye lads be wantin'?" the crab inquired of the two.
"Our paychecks please Mr. Krabs." Spongebob smiled. Squidward nodded beside him.
"Paychecks?!" screamed Mr. Krabs, flying up out of his chair. Upon resettling he continued, "It's not Friday! Why ye be wantin' a paycheck?!"
"Well Mr. Krabs," Spongebob beamed, "it's Christmas!"
"Sooo, most people get a bonus at Christmastime."
Spongebob began faltering. "So, we'd, like our Christmas bonuses…please."
"What?!" exploded Mr. Krabs, "Ye don't get no Christmas bonus at the Krusty Krab! Why, that's just absurd. Pah! Clamshells!"
"But Mr. Krabs, it's customary..!" Spongebob whined, tears threatening to spill.
"For once I agree Mr. Krabs." spoke up Squidward, "You can't just make your employees work extra hard all month without any sort of monetary compensation!"
Mr. Krabs squirmed under Squidward's glare and Spongebob's puppy eyes. He sweat bullets and shook. Moments passed. At last he couldn't take the staring any longer. He threw up his claws in defeat.
"Awright!" he yelled, "Awright,here! Have yer stinkin' 'Christmas bonuses'!" He extended both claws and dropped into his employee's hands a single, solitary coin each. The two inspected their coins curiously.
"A nickel..?" Spongebob asked smally.
"Holy crud I gave ya a nickel?!" Mr. Krabs bellowed, gripping his head, "I meant to grab me pennies! Er, I mean, yes, boy, and a Merry Christmas to ya…"
"Mr. Krabs, this is hardly what I'd call monetary compensation." Squidward glowered at his boss.
"Aye, but ye wouldn't call a lot of things monetary compensation now would ye Mr. Squidward?" nodded Mr. Krabs. Suddenly he snapped his claw to the door. "Now be gone!"
"But Mr. Krabs-" the two started in unison.
"Be gone!" the crab yelled again, and suddenly Squidward and Spongebob found themselves sitting outside a slammed door. Back inside, Mr. Krabs once again coddled his money.
"Huhh, they're gone, me lovelies." he sighed, "Now I can get back to baskin' in your sweet, sweet glow."
Outside on the floor, Squidward crossed his arms.
"Miserly old Scrooge..." he grumbled.
"Hyeah.." sighed Spongebob sadly, "I was really counting on that Christmas bonus.."
They sat in silence for a few seconds.
"Holy cannoli Squidward, that's it!!"Spongebob outburst, flying off of the floor.
Squidward boredly dropped the cannoli he was suddenly holding. "What are you talking about Spongebob..?"
"Scrooge, Squidward!" smiled Spongebob, "Ebenezer Scrooge, from the ever-popular 19th century literary classic, A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens!"
Beaming broadly, he pulled out an old brown copy of the novel from behind his back. The fancy calligraphy title shone in the light, and a fat red ribbon bookmarker was lodged in the pages. Squidward blinked at it.
"Uh, ok, what about it?" he asked uninterestedly.
"Well, Mr. Krabs is acting just like Mr. Scrooge in the book! If we want our Christmas bonus, then I think I have a plan." Spongebob carefully checked his surroundings. Satisfied that the restaurant was empty, he leaned close to Squidward and whispered into his ear.
Squidward seemed unimpressed.
"That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard! It's ridiculous!" he growled, "Buuuut, seeing as my payroll is at stake, and I regrettably have nothing better…I'm in."
"Great! Then let's go!" Spongebob grinned, and yanked Squidward from the building.
Patrick Starr was running around in circles in front of his rock, laughing loudly. In his hand was a sprig of mistletoe. Soon, he caught sight of Spongebob and Squidward approaching over the rise of a nearby sand dune. He sprinted towards them, waving excitedly.
"Hey guys! Hey guys!" he yelled, "Lookit what I found! Isn't it neat?"
"It's mistletoe. Big whoop." Squidward told him.
"Isn't it though?" Patrick said obliviously. Squidward rolled his eyes.
"Wow, very cool Patrick!" Spongebob praised, "Does it do anything?"
Patrick nodded vigorously. "Yeah! Check it out!" he exclaimed, and zoomed over to a fish couple who were out for a stroll. Giggling, he held the mistletoe over their heads.
The couple's faces turned to shock as their lips suddenly slammed together. They pushed against one another, trying to separate. Their lips stretched and stretched, until they flew apart with a loud 'snap!'
Guffawing at the two on the ground, Patrick ran back to Squidward and Spongebob.
"See? It's got maaagic pooowerrrs..!" he stated eerily.
"Wow! Neat, Pat!" Spongebob agreed, "But actually, we came to ask you if you wanted to help us get a Christmas bonus from Mr. Krabs."
Patrick was busy waving his mistletoe up and down through the water.
"How're you gonna do that?" he asked, "Mr. Krabs never gives away money." He stopped flapping mid-stroke, and eyed his friends innocently.
"Don't even think about it." Squidward warned. Patrick shrugged and started to put the plant in his mouth.
"Don't eat it you imbecile!" Squidward shouted, raising his arms, "Don't you know mistletoe is poisonous?!"
Patrick took it back out, looked at it, then shrugged again and stuffed it into his mouth, chewing noisily. Squidward smacked a tentacle to his forhead.
"So, anyway," Patrick said between chews, "how're you guys gonna do this?"
"Well," Spongebob began, and pulled out his book, "I thought we could use the tired old plot of A Christmas Carol to scare Mr. Krabs into being generous." He opened the book to a certain page. It depicted Scrooge being haunted by the ghost of Jacob Marley. "See? All we need to do is find some ghost disguises."
"Oh I love disguises!" clapped Patrick, "When do we start?"
"Why, right now, of course!" Spongebob said brightly, slamming the book closed.
"Yaaaay!" cheered Patrick, and the two of them ran off toward Spongebob's pineapple.
"Ooooh boy." grumbled Squidward before slumping off after them.